Socially Hitman Side Story 4: "Blue Justice and Sweet Temptation"

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I am Dan Neraiuchi. I'm a hitman.

Though I say hitman, I don't do things like killing people.

What I kill is... well, let's call it "social status".

My reunion with a former colleague tasted unexpectedly like durian.
Snu-ba, a former master hitman known by the nickname "Internal Breaker," is now working as a cafeteria lady at World Blue Co., Ltd. I got carried away by the unexpected reunion and ended up eating a terrible piece of candy. Ugh, my stomach is still churning.

Snu-ba wouldn't tell me why she was at this company, World Blue. But I'm not so dense that I wouldn't realize it was to protect innocent people.

"I've got my own troubles, so I can't tell you the details... but I think I should at least tell you this."

"What is it?"

"This company, World Blue, really stinks. Especially, you should watch out for the ", {Love-Kill Text."

Love-Kill Text? What's that?

"I don't know what it is either, but there's a disturbing atmosphere hanging in the air. I don't intend to steal your job, Dan, but if you think it's dangerous, run away immediately, okay? Do an old woman with not much time left a favor and promise me that."

"...I can't promise, but I'll do my best."

"Heh heh heh, you're as unlovable as ever. Here."

With that, Snu-ba handed me a small, lunchbox-sized attaché case.

"? What's this?"

"It's my new invention. It's an Odd Medicine of Over Relaxing Anus Sphincter Inducer, or 'OMORASI' for short. It's a tasteless, odorless powdered drug. Unlike 'Stargazer,' it can be absorbed through areas other than the mucous membranes of the tongue. Plus, since it has a muscle-relaxing effect, depending on how you use it, you can even throw your target off balance."

"I'll use it gratefully."

I'll say it one more time, Dan-chan. If you think things are getting dangerous, run away immediately. I do hold you in some regard, you know. But that sense of justice of yours can be your undoing. Don't you ever forget that.

Snu-ba's face held a mixture of various emotions: like a grandmother worried about her hot-headed grandson, like a high school senior cheering on their juniors right after losing in the inter-high qualifiers, and like a boss lecturing a subordinate who works too hard but gets nowhere.

Oh, don't you worry about me. My 'Internal Breaker' isn't just for show. You're the one who needs to stop eating only sweets and start eating your vegetables and protein. What's with that bedhead? You'll never find a good wife like that. I bet you're still going to those maid cafes all the time, aren't you? Why don't you find yourself a girlfriend? You've never had any luck with romance since you were young. The girls at the maid cafe are fine, but I want you to find a proper wife. I used to dream of ordinary happiness when I was young, too. I was quite popular, you know. Oh, what's with that skeptical look? There were countless men who courted me, as many as the stars in the sky. Even among them, that man was in a league of his own. He was the owner of some Japanese confectionery shop in the back alleys around here. The seventh generation, I think. He retired long ago, and now his son and his wife are working hard together. My, he was quite the handsome man. A real eccentric who was quiet, unsociable, and indifferent—he wouldn't even look at my beauty. It was infuriating. But that ruggedness was so cool, too. Oh, that reminds me, I went to that new 'Tonkotsu Ramen Mukotsu' in the building in front of the station the other day...

No, she's more like a mother who gets lost in her own stories while fussing over her college-aged son living alone.

◇

With the new item, |OMORASI<OMORASI> in hand, I left the headquarters building of World Blue Co., Ltd.
On the way home, I ruminated on Snu-ba's words in my mind.

You'd better watch out for Love-Kill Sentences.

I don't know what a Love-Kill Sentence is, but if Snu-ba is warning me about it, it must be quite dangerous.

However, I am a |Socially Hitman<Socially Hitman> myself. I'm not such a coward that I'd run away just because I smell danger. There's a 33,800 yen reward on the line. I finish the jobs I take. That is what a |Socially Hitman<Socially Hitman> does.

Still, the destructive power of that candy was immense. The nausea still hasn't faded. I need to get to my usual cafe, 'Lovely Maid Cafe: Souvenir of the Underworld,' as soon as possible and wash it down with a 'Lovely Fairy January February Contemporary Strawberry Jelly.' I must hurry.

As I walked through the back alley, I smelled something delicious.
This scent is... adzuki beans. It smells like adzuki beans.

Looking around, I saw a long-established Japanese confectionery shop with a noren curtain that read 'Ohatsudo'. Come to think of it, I think Snu-ba mentioned something about a Japanese confectionery shop.

When I looked at the showcase from a distance, what is that...kintsuba?

I originally disliked red bean paste. But the kintsuba I ate at the St. Okachimenco Girls' Academy High School festival when I was in the sixth grade was so delicious that I've been able to eat red bean paste ever since.

I want to eat it. I can't take my eyes off the showcase. I want to eat it. I was supposed to be in the mood for jelly just a moment ago, but now it's kintsuba. I can only eat kintsuba. I want to eat it. Sorry, little girl. Today, I'm spending my time with kintsuba. I just, yeah, um, anyway, kintsuba. I want to eat it. I want to eat kintsuba. I want to eat it, I want to eat it, ababababa.

Alright, I'll eat some kintsuba.

When I reached into my back pocket to take out my wallet... it wasn't there. What? Did I drop it somewhere? I can't buy the kintsuba like this. Ababababa. Oh no. I can't believe I did this. Damn it.

*Rustle*

In my back pocket, instead of a wallet, there was a scrap of paper. Something was written on it.

"SNU-GRANDMAAAAAA!!!!!"

|Socially Hitman: Dan Negorouchi.

He has a weakness for sweets and women.

(To be continued?)

[Reference Articles]

↓ Sunu-ba and Love-Kill Text

↓ Ohachido

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