Socially Hitman 5

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Chapter 5: The Precocious Girl (Part 2)

I am Dan Neraiuchi. I am a hitman.

Though I say I'm a hitman, I don't do things like killing people.

What I kill is... well, let's call it their "social standing".

I am currently at St. Archim-Eete Preschool. I received a request from Tenna Otonabi, a senior student here, to socially hit Nano Masegaki, who is also a senior. The plan was to slip a drug safe for children to use, "Brilliant Bleed" (or "Bri-Bri" for short), into her drink during the preschool play, "Princess Shimesaba and the 108 Otaku."

However, the situation changed suddenly. Tenna accidentally injured Nano, making it impossible for Nano to stand on stage. Overcome with intense guilt, Tenna canceled the request and begged me for help.

If I don't respond to a plea for help here, the name of Socially Hitman would be ruined. One of the hitman's creeds is: "Charity is not for others, but use it for others anyway."

"Kaku!"

I took out my smartphone and called Girly Kaku, whom I had on standby. This man—or perhaps I should say, this 'onee'—is usually the owner and stylist of the hair salon 'Cheers with a Mojito' (commonly known as 'Mohican'), but he has a secret side as an operative. Today, too, he was helping me with my work with his eccentric appearance of a 190cm tall frame and a crew cut.

"What's up, Dan-chan?"

"It's an emergency. The mission is aborted. There's an injured person, so we need to provide first aid. Get here immediately."

"Got it!"

"Also, I need you to bring the 'Debate Romper' and the 'Speech Bib'."

"Huh? What are you going to do with those?"

"Just hurry! We don't have time!"

"O-okay!"

◇

A few minutes later, Kaku arrived carrying the first-aid kit and the items I had requested. The two young girls seemed terrified of the strange person who had suddenly appeared. However, they apparently found the way he skillfully administered first aid to Nano's leg to be cool, and by the time he finished wrapping the bandage, they were looking at the cross-dresser with eyes full of respect.

"There, that should be fine for now. But you mustn't walk for a while. At the very least, go to the hospital as soon as the play is over."

As he put away the first-aid kit, Kaku told Nano this. However, Nano stubbornly refused to nod.

"No way! I worked so hard to become the lead! Mom said, 'The lead must always stay in character,' so I was acting mean to Tenna-chan even though I didn't want to..."

So that was it. It wasn't that Nano had come to dislike Tenna, but rather that she had been acting haughty in her daily life purely for the sake of her role. Perhaps, for Nano, her mother was a very significant presence, and she wanted to be recognized by her mother through the major role of being the lead in the school play.

"But you know, if you force yourself to move on a leg like that, you might not be able to walk in the future."

"I don't care!"

"You..."

Nano was adamant about getting on stage. Just as Kaku was struggling with what to do, Tenna spoke up.

"Nano-chan, no..."

Tenna looked like she was about to cry. Even Nano, it seemed, couldn't stand up to her best friend's anxious expression.

"Tenna-chan... Ugh! What should I do!"

"I have an idea."

"Huh?"

The three of them turned around.

"Kaku, did you bring the items I asked for earlier?"

"Oh, yes, I have them right here, but..."

I received two items from Kaku.

We don't have much time, so I'll explain briefly. First, this is the 'Debate Romper.' And this is the 'Speech Bib.' Nano wears the romper, and Tenan wears the bib. When they do, Nano's voice will come out of Tenan's mouth.

What do you mean?

Nano and Tenan didn't quite get it, but Kaku seemed to understand.

Are you saying that Tenan-chan will stand on stage in her place, and Nano-chan will speak the lines herself?

That's right.

I took a bottle of medicine out of my pocket.

It's the 'Create Second of the Someone' medicine, 'CreSotS.' If you dissolve about three of Nano's hairs in this and drink it, you'll look like Nano for three hours. The two of you, Nano and Tenan, will play Princess Shimesaba.

It was an outlandish proposal, even by my standards, but the girls were eager to do it.

I'll do it! I've memorized all my lines perfectly!

I'll do it too! I can at least mimic Nano-chan's movements! Besides, I don't have any other parts, so it'll be fine!

Alright, it's settled. Both of you, get ready immediately. Kaku, please help them change. And carry Nano for me.

You really won't look at girls changing, will you? Dan-chan, you're such a gentleman!

Shut up and hurry up, you rotten, flat-top drag queen.

Hey! Isn't that mean!?

Perhaps because they had warmed up to us quite a bit, the girls headed to the changing room with Kaku, laughing and giggling.

◇

I was worried about how it would turn out for a moment, but the play ended safely. I was a little worried about what would happen afterward, but the other children and the nursery teachers were all dazed, so I was able to handle it without any problems.

Furthermore, only the four of us know that Nano on stage was actually Tenan. Since it would be troublesome if this became public knowledge, I imposed a gag order on Tenan and Nano. Aside from Kaku and me, it is a "secret between the two of them," which seems to make them happy.

Nano went straight to the hospital after the performance to have her sprained foot treated. Since Kaku's first aid was perfect, it seems she will fully recover in two or three days if she rests.

The next day, I met up with Tenan and her father, Teruhito, at our usual coffee shop, "Lovely Maid Cafe: Souvenir from the Underworld."

"Hitman-san! Thank you for saving Nano-chan!"

Tenan said with a beaming smile. Teruhito followed up.

"I would also like to thank you for taking care of my daughter this time. Thank you very much."

"Here, the wand I promised!"

Tenan held out a transformation wand, which was a limited-edition item sold in stores for the girls' anime "Peach Pine Porcupine." This was clearly stated in the contract as the reward for the request. However...

"I can't accept that."

"Why?"

"That was strictly the reward for the social hit. You canceled the request this time. At that point, the contract was voided."

"I don't understand big words."

"Ah, sorry. In other words, what I did to help you wasn't a job; it was free labor. I did it because I wanted to. So I don't need anything. You keep that wand."

This wand was originally made as a product for young girls. Since it's a toy for a healthy girl to play "Peach Pine Porcupine," it is definitely better for Tenan to have it than me.

Besides, it's a luxury item for a child. Since she used this wand as collateral to request a social hit, she must have been quite prepared to part with it.

However, Tenan said this quite nonchalantly.

"Eh, I'm already bored of Pichi-Po, so I don't need it. Now is the era of 'Ittamon Gachi Battle.' Oh! The Ittamon anime is starting soon, so I have to go home! Daddy, let's go home quickly! See you later, Hitman-san."

After rattling off all that, Tenan stood up from her seat with Teruhito.

"Y-you don't want it...?"

Tenan dismissed the cane I had been dying to get with a single "I don't want it." And Teruhito accepted that. What a pair of parent and child.

The peach-shaped tip of the cane glowed sadly due to the dying battery.

◇

Socially Hitman, Dan Negorouchi.
He is out there somewhere today, humiliating someone.

(To be continued)

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