Thinking about separate surnames for married couples in Toronto
Time: December 2015
Place: Toronto, Canada
People: D&R (a Canadian married couple)
A few years ago, a couple who are friends of mine got married. They both wanted to have the same surname, but they said they had a hard time deciding which one to choose.
What complicated things was that both of them already had hyphenated surnames (e.g., Smith-Tayler and Johnson-Brown) that combined their parents' surnames. There are 24 possible ways to choose from these four surnames or to combine any two of them. If you add the option of a double-barrelled name (e.g., Smith Johnson), the number of possibilities exceeds 30. Furthermore, if you include portmanteau names, where two surnames are combined and shortened to create a new one (e.g., Smison), the options become infinite.
Coming from the only country in the world where couples are legally required to have the same surname, I was surprised by these options. In Japan, when getting married, you have a choice between the husband's or the wife's surname, and about 95% of couples take the husband's surname. Even in Japan, however, separate surnames are permitted in cases of international marriage.
My given name is rare even in Japan, but in English-speaking countries, it becomes a "difficult name to read." My husband's surname is of German origin, and in English-speaking countries, it is a "surname that cannot be read." I have never met anyone who could pronounce my husband's surname correctly; some people even read it with a completely different, French-style pronunciation.
In other words, combining my name with my husband's surname creates a triple burden: it is "unreadable," "unspellable," and "unmemorable." Moreover, from that combination, one cannot guess the "gender," "race," or "nationality." Feeling that a troublesome life was waiting for me, I chose to keep my separate surname without hesitation. I was grateful that this choice was permitted in both Japan and Ontario.
Around that time, I read a newspaper article about a couple in Toronto. Both were from non-English-speaking countries, and since both of their surnames were "difficult to read" in English, they decided to change their names together upon marriage. The woman loved Emily Brontë, and the man's former surname meant "tea" in his native language, so they created a new surname, "Brontea" (Brontë + Tea), and applied for a name change. I was stunned that such a feat was possible in Canada.
On the other hand, in the neighboring province of Quebec, changing one's surname due to marriage was prohibited by provincial law in 1981, and in principle, all couples maintain their respective former surnames. Official documents state that this is "based on the principle of gender equality...", but I have also heard from various sources that it is "because the divorce rate is high and the burden of name change procedures at government offices is significant." While I have no proof, I don't feel it is entirely an urban legend.
Japan, which maintains the same surname for married couples out of fear that "family bonds will be damaged."
Quebec, which (it is rumored) adopted separate surnames for married couples in principle because "the bonds between a married couple break easily anyway."
Ontario, where the individual can choose.
I think each reflects the way society is and its values.
I myself was saved in both my daily life and work by being able to make this choice. The other day, I saw an article about separate surnames for married couples in Japan, and I felt I wanted to write this down.