Reclaiming the Throne

The mansion has a throne room.

A heavy chair sits in the center of the room.
Whoever sits there is the master of this space.

One day, a visitor asked,
"Who sits there?"

I replied,
"The one who tells their own story"

Complaining isthe abandonment of one's story.

"That person is at fault."
"That situation is bad."
"I am a victim."

In that moment, you are demoted from theprotagonistof your own story to a
supporting character.

Control shifts to "that person" or "that situation."
You become a being that is merelyat the mercy of others.

Words have aflow of power.

From the speaker to the listener.
And then, to the subject being spoken about.

When you complain, power flows from you to theoutside.

The moment you say, "It's because of that boss," the boss becomes a being superior to you.

The moment you say, "That environment is bad," the environment becomes a being that controls you.

The phenomenon of having your weaknesses exposed.

It is not a physical matter.
It is structural.

The person who hears your complaints obtains theblueprint of your story.

"Ah, this person is controlled by their boss."
"Ah, this person is swayed by their environment."
"Ah, this person wants to be a victim."

In that moment, the other person understandshow to handle you.

You become the one being controlled.

That is an act ofsurrendering the throneyourself.

No one took it from you.
You stepped down yourself.

And then, the opponent sits on that vacant throne.

A certain politician once said.

Do not talk about your enemies. The more you talk about your enemies, the more you
make them grow.

Talk about your vision. Talk about your actions. Talk about your choices.

If you do that, the initiative will always be in your hands.

Complaining is different from reporting facts.

Recognizing the fact that "this situation is difficult." Sharing a strategy on "how to solve this problem."

These are not complaints. They are
situational analyses.

However, the moment it becomes "it is difficult, therefore I am powerless," it becomes a complaint.

The difference is the subject.

Sentences that start with "that person" are complaints. Sentences that start with "I" are stories.

"That environment is bad" is a complaint. "I will act like this in this environment" is a strategy.

Keep the subject as "I." That is what it means to
protect the throne.

So, does that mean you shouldn't talk about your suffering?

No, that's not it.

You may talk about your suffering. However, do not talk about it
as a victim, but talk about it as an observer.

"This happened. I felt this way. And, how will I act?"

If you maintain this structure, you will not let go of the initiative.

When you feel like complaining.

That is when you are seeking validation.

You want to be told, "You are right."
You want to be acknowledged as, "You are the victim."
You want agreement that, "That person is at fault."

However, the moment you receive that validation,
you become dependent on the validator.

There is another secret in the throne room of the mansion.

Small letters are engraved beneath the throne.

"Those who sit have the right to speak. Those who step down become the subject of conversation."

The moment you complain, you step down.

And then, the other person sits.

They might say kindly,
"That must have been hard."
"That person is terrible."

However, behind that kindness,
they are learning how to handle you.

Control is not always exercised through violence.

In fact, the most subtle form of control takes the shape of sympathy.

The person who acknowledges, "You are the victim."
The person who says, "You are right."

The moment you become dependent on that kindness,
you will no longer be able to stand without them.

So, what should you do?

Turn complaints into reports.

Not, "That person is terrible."
But, "This situation exists. I will handle it this way."

Not, "This environment is painful."
But, "Within these constraints, I will act like this."

Return the subject to "I."
Take back the initiative of the story.

Sitting back on the throne is not easy.

Once you step down, the strength to stand back up is required.

However, it is worth the effort.

Because only those who sit on the throne can
tell their own life story themselves.

I return to the study and sit by the window once more.

The wind is blowing outside.
One could complain that "the wind is terrible."

However, I say:
"The wind is blowing. Let's close the window."

That choice protects one's agency.

In the deep sea, amidst the silence