A talk about what to do with the poison in your heart

Don't you have days when your heart just won't clear up, no matter what?
Resentment toward someone, regrets about the past, vague anxiety about the future.
Those dark, murky emotions settle heavily in your chest.
That unpleasant feeling, as if 'poison' is accumulating inside your heart.

To tell you the truth, I used to be something of an expert on that 'poison'.
After all, the home I was born and raised in was quite 'hard mode'.
An alcoholic father, violence—a childhood where I believed that was just 'normal'.
Before I knew it, my heart was completely filled with poison called anger and sadness that had nowhere to go.

That poison quietly eroded my body.
Graves' disease, depression, and panic disorder.
The terror of panic disorder, especially the feeling of not being able to breathe, was exactly like having poison circulating through my entire body.
I truly feel, 'Never again'.
But you know, I understand now.
That was a painful sign from my heart screaming, 'I've reached my limit! Do something about this poison!'

✅ The 'ammonia' produced in the heart is a danger signal if left to accumulate

The human body is fascinating, isn't it?
When we are active, a toxin called 'ammonia' is inevitably produced.
But our livers convert it into harmless 'urea' and expel it from the body as urine.
It's a truly well-designed system.

I think to myself.
Isn't the heart surely the same?

Just by living, 'poison' is produced in the heart as well.
That is a very natural thing.
The complex feelings I held toward my father and the inescapable difficulty of living were likely a form of 'heart ammonia'.

The problem is letting it accumulate.
Just as it would be a serious issue if the body accumulated ammonia, if you let the poison of the heart accumulate too much, you end up with mental illness or physical ailments, just as I experienced.
Therefore, the poison produced in the heart must also be properly 'detoxified' and 'expelled'.
So, how exactly should we go about that 'detoxification' and 'expulsion'?

✅ My own detox method to turn poison into 'treasure'

For me, 'detoxification' first meant acknowledging the poison in my heart by saying, 'This is poison'.
The shock I felt when I met my wife's family and realized, 'My family was messed up,' was truly the first step of detoxification.
From there, I started the work of objectively observing my own heart by going to counseling and reading books.
That is, so to speak, like training the liver of the heart.

And the best method of 'expulsion'.
For me, that was 'writing'.

When my wife was chasing her dreams and working away from home, and I was running around doing housework, childcare, and nursing care all by myself.
Honestly, it was nothing but tough.
But I tried writing those feelings out on my blog and social media as if I were vomiting them up.
It was truly a process of slamming the poison of my heart onto the keyboard.

However, something strange happened.
When the 'poison' I expelled reached someone else, it had changed into something else.
'I understand, my family is the same,' 'I was saved by your words, Rindaku-san.'
Voices like that started to reach me little by little.

The words I wrote about being 'painful' became 'empathy' that healed the loneliness of someone else struggling with solo parenting just like me.
The writing I did about my experience as an adult child became a 'guidepost' for someone else with the same suffering.

Just as the urine expelled from my body circulates and becomes nutrients for plants.
The heart poison I expelled had turned into 'medicine' or 'nutrition' that moistened someone else's heart.
This discovery changed my life from the ground up.

✅ Summary

The fact that 'poison' accumulates in your heart is proof that you are living with all your might.
So, don't blame yourself for that.
What is important is how you handle that poison.

Writing it down like I do is fine.
Talking to someone is fine.
Drawing pictures, making music, or, like me, immersing yourself in being a househusband and turning it into making delicious food is also fine.
Please try to 'detoxify' the poison in your heart and 'expel' it into the outside world in your own way.

The experiences and emotions that you think are 'nothing but poison' will, if you change their form, surely become a 'treasure' that is useful to someone else.
Even this essay of mine that I have been continuing for so long was born from the pitch-black 'poison' that I was holding onto that day.

Now, how shall we cook that 'poison' of yours?
It will surely become a superb masterpiece.
I guarantee it.

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