Why 'I Thought It Was for the Best' Is Scary

One day, you are suddenly rejected, told 'I didn't ask for that,' regarding an action you took because you believed it was for the best and never doubted it.
Have you ever had such an experience? It is as if a 'STOP' sign suddenly appeared in front of a car that had been accelerating, leaving us bewildered and sometimes hurt.
This may be a small, yet certain tragedy born from a 'misalignment of perception' between you and me, or between someone and someone else.
Once you become convinced that 'this is a good thing,' you push forward without questioning that action.
Behind that may lie an unconscious, yet firm belief that your own values are universal.

✅ Everything is about relationships

Why do things done 'for the best' backfire?
When exploring the root cause, it often leads to the keyword 'relationship'.
What ultimately determines whether an act is 'good' or 'bad,' or 'appreciated' or 'meddlesome,' is not the absolute value of the act itself, but the context in which it is performed—that is, the 'relationship' of who is doing it to whom and under what circumstances.

For example, words of encouragement from a close friend may touch the heart, while the same words from someone not so close might feel like superficial comfort or intrusive interference.
Also, when a parent preemptively solves problems for a child who is trying to be independent, it may be intended as 'love' or 'support' by the parent, but it could be perceived by the child as 'proof of a lack of trust' and an act that robs them of an opportunity to grow.

Here lies a deep chasm between the 'intent' of the actor and the 'interpretation' of the receiver.
We unconsciously assume that our 'for the best' is the same for the other person.
However, the other person has their own values, circumstances, and emotions.
A 'for the best' that ignores those things becomes a mere one-sided imposition of values, and at times, can even threaten the other person's dignity or autonomy.

When we imagine how our actions will affect others, we unconsciously apply a filter of 'how would I feel if it were me?'
However, the question that should really be asked is, 'How would the other person perceive this action in this situation and within this relationship?'
Isn't that imagination the key to enriching relationships and preventing 'I thought it was for the best' from turning into a tragedy?

✅ Create a metacognitive self

So, how can we escape the trap of 'I thought it was for the best'? I believe one effective method is to enhance the ability of 'metacognition'.
Metacognition is the ability to objectively observe and recognize one's own thoughts, emotions, and actions as if they were someone else's.
It could also be rephrased as consciously creating 'another self' within you.

'Is this really for the other person's benefit?' 'Is my own self-satisfaction mixed in?' 'What is the other person looking for right now?' 'Could it be that doing nothing and just watching over them would be better for them?'

By having this 'metacognitive self' that asks questions within us, we can put the brakes on the runaway assumption of 'for the best'.
When we are about to be swept away by our own emotions or sense of justice, this 'other self' calmly asks, 'Is that really true?'

To cultivate this metacognitive self, daily conscious training is necessary.
When your emotions are stirred, try to objectively analyze why you felt that way. Before taking action toward someone, pause for a moment and try to imagine how that action looks from the other person's perspective.
Sometimes, it is also effective to ask a trusted third party for their opinion and have them point out the biases in your perception.

Of course, it is impossible to perfectly read the other person's feelings at all times.
However, by having a metacognitive perspective, a humility is born that says, 'My 'for the best' might not be absolute.'
Isn't that humility what encourages dialogue with the other person and leads to actions that are truly 'for the other person's sake,' rather than a one-sided imposition?
It may be an unsettling process where you can no longer be certain of your own actions. However, I believe that it is within that uncertainty that the sincerity to genuinely face others resides.

✅ Beyond 'I thought it was for the best'

Acting 'for the best.' At its root, there is often a kind heart that cares for others or a pure wish to contribute.
That in itself should never be denied.
The problem is when that 'for the best' transforms into something self-serving, lacking consideration for the other person's situation, emotions, and the 'relationship' between the two.

We are not used to doubting the 'good' we believe in.
Rather, precisely because we believe it is 'good,' we try to push it forward forcefully.
However, we tend to forget that this force can sometimes become a blade that hurts someone and damages the relationship.

Tilling the soil of 'relationship' carefully and cultivating the power to imagine the other person's position and feelings.
And, using the mirror of 'metacognition' to constantly check one's own assumptions and emotional biases.
These are perspectives we want to keep in order to avoid the tragedies caused by 'I thought it was for the best'.

However, think about it.
Can we truly understand the inner world of others, with all its complexity, in the real sense?
No matter how much imagination we use, no matter how objectively we look at ourselves, isn't there always an unbridgeable chasm?
If so, the danger of acting 'for the best' may go beyond the problems of mere misalignment of perception or lack of consideration, and confront us with the fundamental difficulty that is unavoidable when humans interact with others.
Even so, we interact with others, trying to give and receive something.
In that uncertainty, what on earth should we believe, and how should we behave?
Perhaps the answer to that is something no one knows yet.

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