The Philosophy of the Pendulum

I think human beings are truly mysterious creatures.
If you do only what you want to do as much as you want, your mind and body will scream.
On the other hand, if you keep piling up things you don't want to do, something inside you will slowly be eroded away.
You break if you are too free, and you break if you endure too much.
It is just like walking a tightrope.
It seems this world is made of balance, no matter how far you go.
And yet, having lived on that rope for decades, I still haven't been able to grasp its true nature.

✅ People break if they only do what they want

When I was young, I truly believed that it would be the best thing ever if I could just live by doing only what I liked.
Being faithful to my desires, being honest with my emotions.
I thought that was what it meant to live.

But in reality, if you keep eating only what you want to eat, your body will eventually protest.
If you sleep as much as you want, you lose something else called time.
If you keep seeking approval, even when you get it, a deeper thirst arises the very next moment.
Desires are endless.
The more you fulfill them, the more they reappear in different forms.

This is not a moral lecture.
It is a matter of mechanics.
Pleasure and desire always have a counter-reaction.
I have learned this through personal experience.
I have experienced many times the moment when something that was so enjoyable suddenly turns into something burdensome.
If a pendulum swings too far to one side, it will always try to return to the opposite side.
I suppose that is the law of nature.

✅ The dead center is equivalent to 'nothingness'

So, should I avoid extremes and aim for the 'middle path'?
There was a time when I thought that.

However, I have realized something.
The dead center is a strange place that exists but cannot be seen.
When a pendulum comes to a complete stop, it is no longer a pendulum.
It can only be called a pendulum when it swings.
In the same way, I feel that a person who remains fixed in the dead center without moving becomes a transparent existence, as if one cannot tell if they are alive or dead.

At the same time, if you swing too widely, you will break.
I remember a story I saw somewhere about reeds that sway in strong winds but do not break.
Swaying is living, and stopping the sway completely is, in a sense, close to death.

I now believe that life exists within subtle fluctuations rather than in orderly stillness.

✅ Only curiosity serves as a map for this labyrinth

So, how should one live?

My answer now is to 'step out a little, and step back a little'.
Not stepping way out of bounds, nor clinging fearfully to the center, but just crossing the boundary a little and pulling back a little.
I have begun to feel a faint sense of connection in that repetition.

And for some reason, that never ceases to stimulate my curiosity.
What is balance, what is an extreme, and what is the mechanism that makes up a human being?
I am itching to know.
That is why I collect everything, research everything, and try to look at things from various angles.
Collecting information might not just be a desire for knowledge, but an impulse to draw even a small part of the map of this labyrinth.

Every time I change my perspective, the world looks a little different.
Yesterday's correct answer can become today's mistake.
Because I know that, I have never been able to come up with a 'definitive answer'.

But recently, I have started to think that is fine.

There is one question for which I still have no answer.
Am I choosing this way of living—'stepping out a little and stepping back a little'—on my own?
Or am I just being swayed by the cosmic mechanism of the pendulum?

Which do you think it is?

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