How will the things I choose today connect to the future?

Hello, this is Rindark.
Right now, I am 'choosing' to write this text in front of my computer.

“How are you able to update your note every single day?” People sometimes ask me that, but to be honest, I’ve never been able to put it into words well.
It’s not because I have some cool strategy or goal.
It’s just that once I start something, I can’t seem to stop.

That’s just my slightly clumsy habit.
Before I knew it, I had surpassed 1,000 consecutive days of updates.
I suppose I want to be a little proud of this number, but I feel like that’s not what’s truly important.

More than that, it’s that uneasy feeling of “not having a clue how writing this one line today will connect to the future.”
The fact that I’ve somehow been able to trust that uncertainty all this time.
That might actually be more like me.

Don’t you have something like that too?
Something you love that you keep doing, even though you can’t explain why.

✅ What you choose makes you who you are

Looking back, I had almost no “choices” in the first half of my life.

My father drowned himself in alcohol, and the house was always filled with the smell of booze, a tense atmosphere, and rules swirled around under the name of “patience.”
For me at the time, I believed without a doubt that my job as a child was not to “choose” things, but to just “endure” until the storm passed.

So, if you are blaming your past self right now for “not being able to choose a different path back then,” I want to say this loudly.
There are many things in life you simply cannot choose. You have absolutely no reason to blame yourself for the things you couldn’t choose.

In my case, the backlash hit me all at once after I became an adult.
My body screamed from Graves' disease, and eventually, my mind couldn't move either due to depression and panic disorder.

At the bottom of that darkness, where I had given up on everything, I finally saw a faint light: the idea of “choosing how to live all over again.”

It wasn’t like a dramatic declaration of intent.
“Should I try going to the hospital today?” “Should I try taking my medicine?” “Instead of just crying, should I try reading just one page of this book?”

A series of truly modest choices that no one would praise me for.
But those small acts of “choosing” slowly, very slowly, helped my rusted, hardened heart to regenerate.

“Choosing” isn't just about high-stakes gambles that define your life.
It might start with small things, like deciding which coffee to have today.

✅ If you have time to regret, think about what you will choose now!

When my wife made the “choice” to pursue her career dreams and take a job away from home, I supported her and made the “choice” to dive headfirst into ten years of single-parenting and working as a house-husband.

“Do you have any regrets?” you ask? Well, of course I do.
I’m only human.

There were countless nights when I was hanging laundry alone in the middle of the night, feeling like I was being crushed by loneliness, thinking, “Why am I the only one stuck with this role…”

But you know, every time I feel like I’m getting caught in the swamp of regret, I ask myself this:
“So, Rindark. What are you going to choose from now on?”

We tend to feel like we’ve somehow redone something by drinking the bitter medicine of regret.
But unfortunately, the past cannot be changed. The only thing we can ever choose is “this very moment, right now.”

The sound of my children's breathing reaches me from beyond the laundry I hung up while feeling like I might cry.
Every time I see those peaceful sleeping faces, I reaffirm my choice: 'Ah, I am choosing to be by these children's side.'

So, it's okay to make mistakes again and again. You can just choose again each time.
Deciding, 'Oh, I'm tired. I'm going to rest today!' is a perfectly valid choice.
Turning on your heel and saying, 'This is impossible. I'm getting out of here!' is also a courageous choice. I believe that even speaking up and 'crying' is one of the very important choices we make to move forward.

✅ Summary

Born into that dysfunctional family, falling ill, burning out at work, meeting my wife, becoming a stay-at-home husband, and here I am today, writing this note.

I believe now that none of those experiences or choices were in vain.
I believe that even those tears from back then and those nights spent at a loss were important dots that will allow me to laugh and talk about it in some future, saying, 'I am who I am today because of those times.'

Today, I chose to write this note.
What shall I choose tomorrow? I might choose to appease my cat, or I might just choose to gaze at the sky.

To you, who are reading this text.
Please, continue to be a 'person who chooses'.
It doesn't have to be a big choice. It doesn't have to be a choice you can boast about to anyone.
Because that small choice you made for yourself will surely support the future you.

I, too, intend to keep busily making choices tomorrow, as if delivering them to the version of myself back then who couldn't choose anything.

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