Thoughts on Obon

To be honest, I don't really like the Obon season.

There are two reasons for this: first, my mother collapsed during this Obon period while she was playing the drums for the neighborhood Obon dance.

The other reason is that the drinking parties between my father's relatives who came to pay their respects and my father were storms of power harassment and moral harassment.

Because of these two factors, a slightly melancholic feeling remains somewhere in my heart during the Obon period.

✅ The day my mother collapsed

On that day, my wife and I were already married, and it was a time when we were preparing lunch together.

My mother was in charge of the neighborhood Obon dance drums, and she was just about to head out in the afternoon to prepare for it.

"Mom, I'm heading out to get ready for the festival."
"Okay, have a safe trip."

This was my last conversation with my mother.

A short while later, the phone rang with the news that my mother had collapsed!

When I rushed to the neighborhood Obon dance venue, I found my mother lying down, a local resident performing heart massage, and a chaotic scene.

I was in a panic and could only keep calling my mother's name.

An ambulance arrived and she was transported to the hospital.

My wife and I followed the ambulance to the hospital.

After that, she moved through surgery, the intensive care unit, and a general ward, and my siblings rushed over from the Kanto region, but she never regained consciousness and passed away.

This is why the Obon season is so intensely linked to this in my mind.

✅ My father's relatives

Some time after my mother passed away, my father also collapsed from the same illness.

Fortunately, my father survived, but he was left with significant disabilities and had to enter a care facility.

That meant our home, being the main house of a large farming family, was in trouble.

As the eldest son, the responsibility for maintaining relations with our relatives was suddenly thrust upon me.

I never liked my relatives to begin with, but because I had suddenly become the head of the main family as a young man, the branch families and my father's brothers began subjecting me to moral and power harassment under the guise of teaching me.

The depression I had suffered from before recurred during this time, and I struggled immensely.

Since we are the main family, I had to greet a huge number of relatives during Obon, and I felt like I was going to lose my mind.

After this continued for a while, something inside me just snapped, and from that point on, I stopped all contact with my father's side of the family and cut ties with them.

And in my own mind, I resigned as the eldest son of the main family.

✅Summary

Because of that history, Obon is always accompanied by a sense of melancholy for me.

Furthermore, what I felt upon my mother's death was the sense that when people die, that's the end.

Until then, I had thought that surely my mother would appear before me as a spirit or give me some kind of sign, but no such thing ever happened.

Because of that, I can no longer believe in anything like the afterlife promised by religions.

That is precisely why I can say it is thanks to my mother that I have been able to think about cherishing the present while I am alive and pouring everything I have into my children.

I would like to use this period, if only for these few days, to think of my mother and reflect on my own way of living.

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