I think humans are complicated in many ways

If you peel back the layer of reason, our hearts are filled with a torrent of intense emotions.
Even if we pretend to be calm and composed, we can be swept off our feet by a sudden wave of emotion.
Isn't that an experience everyone has had?
I myself am no exception; I often find myself acting on a momentary impulse, only to hold my head in my hands later.
Humans are creatures so easily swayed by emotion.
Yet, I cannot help but feel that at the end of all that swaying, we always end up in the same place.
It is a place that could be called our core, possessing an irresistible gravitational pull.

✅ Basically, humans believe that they themselves are the most important thing

That place is the harbor named "myself."
No matter what storm we encounter, the place the ship ultimately aims for is where its own safety is guaranteed.
If we call this "self-preservation," it might sound somewhat selfish and cold.
However, I cannot bring myself to blame this unilaterally.
Rather, I think it is a fundamental and desperate instinct that all living things possess.

The other day, a friend made a big mistake at work.
Listening to his story, I could clearly feel the pure intention he had initially, running around for the sake of the whole team.
However, as the situation became serious and the question of responsibility began to be raised, the sound of "I'm not at fault" and "It couldn't be helped" began to leak from the edges of his words.
Of course, he didn't intend to frame anyone.
It was just that an unconscious alarm must have been ringing in his heart.
Thinking, "If things go on like this, my position, my reputation, and my future are in danger."

As social creatures, we are taught to value empathy for others, cooperation, and a spirit of altruism.
These are precious lubricants essential for keeping human society running smoothly.
But in extreme situations where our very existence is threatened, it is extremely difficult to resist the power of that instinct.
It is like a person whose face is being pushed underwater, instinctively reaching for the surface without any logic.
That movement is born not for the sake of someone else, but solely out of a desperate need to "live" and "not lose oneself."

This feeling that "I am the most important" is not something limited to special people.
Dodging a bicycle coming toward you while walking down the street, or pulling your hand back after touching a hot pot—all of these are manifestations of this instinct.
We maintain our lives by repeating these small acts of self-defense countless times every day.
The problem is that when this essential instinct is brought into delicate relationships with others, its appearance changes completely.

✅ Sometimes connections don't go well

Connections between people are like a delicate dance, measuring the distance between each other's hearts while searching for a comfortable point of equilibrium.
However, our inner instincts—that is, the unpredictable shifts in emotion and the strong desire to protect ourselves—sometimes disrupt those graceful steps, causing us to step on the other person's feet and create an irreparable dissonance.

For example, suppose a trivial misunderstanding arises with a close friend.
One person's emotions are frayed by the day's events, and they end up letting out a sharp word.
The person on the receiving end is deeply hurt by that unexpected thorn and, for self-defense, either closes their heart tightly or strikes back, asking, "Why would you say such a thing?"
Both actions are born from a desperate desire not to let their own hearts be hurt any further.
However, when that strong vector of "wanting to protect" is directed only at oneself rather than the other person, the thin thread of trust that should have existed between the two is severed all too easily.

I often find myself watching the relationships of people who have lost their balance in that way with complex feelings, unable to see it as someone else's problem.
Why do we push away someone we should have cared about so much because of a momentary emotion?
Why do we let go of a relationship forever, which might have been restored with a single word of "I'm sorry," just to protect our own small pride?

Perhaps they are not particularly clumsy or cold-hearted.
It may be that we humans have such imperfect and contradictory programs built into us from the start.
We only have one irreplaceable life.
Why do we spend that precious time not mending the tears in our human relationships, but tearing them apart decisively?
That mystery captures my heart and won't let go.
It feels frustrating and terribly sad, like watching a sophisticated machine that should have been designed with perfect precision destroy itself because of a single misaligned gear.

✅ Summary

In the end, we can never be free from the instinct to "want to protect ourselves."
And that instinct sometimes builds insurmountable walls even between us and those closest to us.
How should we accept this irresistible contradiction and live with it?

"How is it best for a human to live?"—there is likely no single absolute answer to this grand, age-old question.
Perhaps a clear answer itself never existed from the beginning.
However, perhaps the meaning of living as a human lies in holding this question in our hearts and continuing to think about it.

To acknowledge one's own weaknesses and selfishness while feeling the pain.
And to use one's imagination to realize that the person in front of you also has something fragile and worth protecting, just like yourself.
The accumulation of such modest thoughts might be what barely drives a stake into the violent, muddy stream called instinct.

There is no such thing as a perfect human anywhere.
Everyone is swayed by emotions and struggling desperately to protect themselves.
To what extent can we forgive that clumsiness, that pathos, and forgive each other?
Until the day I leave this world, this question will likely never disappear from within me, like a heavy anchor.
And perhaps continuing to face this unanswerable question is what it means to "live as a human."

What kind of "human" figure is reflected in your heart right now?

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