Couple Observation Log Extra Edition | From Demon Dad to Moms of the World | [Response Poem]

https://note.com/arinkosan151522/n/n0066c7878412

Well then.

I read Akumarinko's article.

Honestly, it struck a chord.

Or rather, it was a direct hit.

No, this is not a rebuttal.
It is not an excuse either.

I just want to dissect, as much as I can, what was happening inside Dad's head that morning.

That is why I am writing this.

I call it the Demon Dad Edition.

Well then.

That morning.

I was folding laundry and making iced coffee.

From the outside, I think I must have looked relaxed.

In fact, I think it is only natural that I looked that way.

But inside my head, it was not relaxed at all.

From the moment I woke up in the morning, my brain was already holding a small meeting.

The schedule for today's work.
Errands I was told about yesterday and forgot.
The children's belongings.
The weather.
Working backward from the time.

These things came rushing in, one after another, in silence.

This is not an excuse, but apparently, it is simply a matter of how the brain works.

There is research suggesting that in the morning, the human brain, especially the prefrontal cortex, is not yet fully functioning.

The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that puts the brakes on emotions and helps us choose our words.

For several tens of minutes to a few hours after waking up, this part of the brain functions slowly.

In other words, in the morning, everyone is operating in a state where their 'brakes' are more or less loose.

On top of that, tasks come raining down one after another.

Laundry.
Coffee.
Getting myself ready.
Getting the kids ready.
Nursery school time.

Each one is small.

But to the brain, these don't look like 'small tasks,' but rather a series of 'small decisions.'

In the world of psychology, there is a term called 'decision fatigue.'

The more decisions you make, the more your brain's resources are depleted.

The morning hours are actually the time when this consumption of decision-making power is at its most intense.

And then,

'Change the diaper'

comes an additional remark flying my way.

It's correct.
It's something that needs to be done.
It's 100% my fault.

I know that in my head.

But I think something else was happening inside my body at that very moment.

In psychologist John Gottman's research on couples, there is a concept called 'flooding.'

This refers to a state of physiological over-arousal during a conflict where the heart rate spikes and the body mistakenly perceives that it is being 'attacked.'

And there are reports that this phenomenon actually occurs more easily in men and tends to take longer to recover from.

In other words, as far as my own physical experience goes,

"I'm being blamed," "I'm being cornered," "That was the last straw, I can't take it anymore."

Signals like these race through the entire body in almost a fraction of a second.

This is not a justification.
It is simply a report of the phenomenon that was occurring internally.

Furthermore, there is one more thing.

Many men have been raised from childhood being told, "Don't show weakness," "Don't show emotion," and "Just do it in silence."

Because of this, it has been pointed out that the neural pathways for verbalizing emotions themselves are less developed compared to women.

This is what is known as the "male alexithymia tendency."

It is not that they lack emotions.

It is just that their bodies react before they can convert those feelings into words.

The result of that is,

a click of the tongue.

And,

"Huh?"

That single, two-character word.

To be blunt, this is not language; it is closer to a scream.

It is the same structure as a cornered animal letting out a low growl.

It is not cool or anything of the sort.It is simply immaturity.

And one more thing, I will write this honestly.

I have never had a very strong working memory to begin with.

This is a fact.

I am much worse than the average person at keeping multiple tasks in my head at the same time.

While folding laundry, while making coffee, while planning out the day's schedule,

if new information flies in, I experience a processing lag.

The words that my lagging brain blurts out are usually short.

"Huh?"

I think this isn't a thought, but rather an error message from when things bug out.

Well then.

Having written this much, I think.

This does not serve as an indulgence.

Even if the reason is understood, the damage to the person being spoken to does not disappear.

The dissatisfaction quietly accumulating inside the wife who was clicked at.

That exists as a fact.

Having a reason and being forgiven are two different things.

But, on the dad's side, there is also a small storm before it becomes words.

I just wanted to write that down.

If I could go back to that morning.

I would put down the coffee for a moment.
I would take one deep breath.

"Sorry, I'm coming now."

I want to be a dad who can say that.

I understand the logic.
I understand the mechanism too.

The rest is whether or not you can use that as a lesson for the next time, rather than as an excuse.

I think that is the only real fork in the road.

That concludes this extra edition of the couple observation log.

From Oni-Papa, with reflection.

No, not just reflection—next time, I want to properly say, 'Yeah, I'll change it.'

I am writing this as an observation record of a dad facing up to childcare and his own immaturity.