Why is mindfulness hard to understand? (17) | On days of loneliness when you feel 'Is it just me?' — The peace of mind that 'Self and Other are not two' brings
■ Introduction
Hello, I am Rina Nomura.
A day when you couldn't speak well at work
A night when you saw others' successes on social media
A moment when you felt all alone even while with someone
Sometimes, a small murmur arises deep within your chest.
'Why is it just me?'
Loneliness is one of the emotions to which humans react most sensitively. And while many people tend to associate it with 'weakness' or 'mental health issues,' the Buddhist perspective is a little different.
Today, I would like to talk about a perspective that gently lights a lamp for such loneliness: Jita Funi (Self and Other are not two).
■ Reason 17: 'Self' and 'Other' are inherently living as one continuous whole
In Buddhism, there is a term called 'Jita Funi' (Self and Other are not two).
Literally translated, this is the idea that self and others are not inherently separate.
We feel as though we are living solely by our own power.
But in reality,
our breathing is supported by the air
our meals are grown by someone's hands
and the words we spoke today were taught to us by someone in the past
We stand upon the reality that 'I am not formed by myself alone.'
The more we feel lonely, the harder it becomes to see this obvious truth.
But if you open your perspective just a little, you can see the connections with others, the mutual support, and 'us' as beings who carry the same anxieties.
■ Mindfulness is a practice of remembering for yourself the 'sense of living together'
Mindfulness is not a magic spell to erase loneliness.
However,
breathing
bodily sensations
the strength or weakness in your chest
your current feelings
When you gently turn your attention to these, the feeling that 'I, as an existence, am currently interacting with this world' gradually returns.
And then you realize.
It is not just me who is struggling; there is definitely someone somewhere in the world living while wavering in the same way.
The moment loneliness unravels is not when you 'learn' about connection, but when you 'remember' it.
■ Today's Work: 1-Minute 'Connection List'
It is fine to do this before sleeping or while commuting. Paper, smartphone, or just in your mind is also okay.
For just one minute, try writing down the following:
Things you feel supported by right now
Someone you felt grateful to today
The people behind the meal you received
Important beings whose names come to mind
The number of things that come to mind is not important.
The act of trying to remember itself warms the connection.
■ Conclusion
On days when you feel like 'it's just me,' the world feels a little narrower than usual.
However, loneliness is not a flaw in you; it is a state of mind that visits everyone, like the weather.
There is one question you can remember at such times.
Am I living alone? Or... am I living within connections?
In the next installment, vol. 18, we will explore the theme of 'Days When You Are Tired of Being Right: The Middle Way and Psychological Flexibility,'
looking together at a perspective that is one step kinder.
May you spend today warmly as well.
■ Introduction to the Magazine
Mindfulness is something we hear about often, yet it is somehow difficult to grasp.
This is a series that gently explains 'awareness' that works for everyday frustrations, while connecting perspectives from psychology, neuroscience, business, and Buddhism.
If you like, I would be happy if you could support me with a 'like' or a follow.
References
Weng, H. Y., Lapate, R. C., Stodola, D. E., Rogers, G. M., & Davidson, R. J. (2018). Neural and behavioral changes associated with compassion meditation: Implications for interpersonal connection.
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 114(1), 110–134.