Why the more you imagine your fulfilled self, the further reality feels

"Let's strongly visualize our ideal future."
"Let's vividly imagine ourselves having achieved our goals."

This is something often said in the worlds of self-help and coaching.

I myself have been taught this as well.

To be honest,
the time spent picturing an "ideal future"
is exciting and very fun.

However,
I didn't feel the sense of reality moving or my own changes
as much as I had been led to expect.

"I am successful."
"I am happy about the changes in the clients before me and their smiles."

While declaring that,
I would look at my "current" self
and feel a tightness in my chest,
thinking, "That's not who I am at all..."

The more I painted an ideal future,
the more miserable I sometimes felt about my current self.

"Thinking such negative thoughts isn't like me. It's okay. I'm better than this."
I learned to revise my self-talk and affirm myself in that way, but

I couldn't ignore the feeling that the shadow in my heart was growing darker.

Perhaps I was using too much energy
on picturing an "ideal future."

An inconvenient truth presented by a psychologist

According to research by psychologist Gabriele Oettingen,
people who positively imagined a future where they had lost weight
lost an average of about 11kg less weight after one year
compared to those who did not.

She also noted that the phenomenon of not achieving expected results
despite positively imagining the future
was not limited to dieting.

Similar results have appeared in all sorts of situations,
such as job hunting, romantic relationships, and exam grades.

Why is that?

This is a painful topic for me to hear, as I had felt this myself in some ways, but...

When you vividly imagine your 'achieved self' in your mind,
your brain gets slightly tricked into thinking you have 'already obtained it'.

This act of tricking or creating an illusion for the brain
is sometimes referred to in coaching as
'having a sense of presence in the future' or
'making the future side your comfort zone'.

The problem is here.

By simulating the experience that 'the ideal has been achieved',
you end up feeling 'satisfied', to varying degrees.

As a result, the energy needed to change reality—
the steady, tedious 'small steps' or
'tackling what is right in front of you'—is lost.

In other words,
the reason your wishes don't come true isn't because you don't wish for them enough.
It might be because you have already 'reached the goal'
in your mind.

What is the difference between 'expectation' and 'fantasy'?

In the research by Gabriele Oettingen,
ways of facing the future are divided into two main categories.

'Expectation' is
a realistic judgment based on past experience.

The feeling of 'I did it before, so I can probably do it this time'.
This feeling, which can also be taken as confidence, becomes energy for action.

'Fantasy' is
experiencing the mood of a future that hasn't happened yet in advance.

This in itself is not bad.
However, if you immerse yourself in it too much, your brain
gets tricked into thinking you have 'already obtained it' and feels satisfied.

To use an easy-to-understand analogy,
it's like 'looking up a restaurant you want to go to, gazing at the menu,
imagining yourself tasting the food, feeling like you've already eaten it,
and in the end, never actually going to the restaurant'.

Visualizing your dreams
charges you with energy like excitement.

But if you can't return to reality after visualizing,
the energy that welled up there turns into
'satisfaction' instead of action.

So, how can you start moving?

It is not that you should "never think positively"
or "never vividly picture your ideal future."

I also believe that
envisioning your dreams and goals is important.

However, the way you envision them
might not have been aligned with your intuition.

I now think that perhaps it is important not to "imagine it realistically to make it come true,"
but rather to "envision it to illuminate the direction."
That is how I see it now.

Rather than making it come true,
value the process of heading toward it.

Choose today's small step for yourself.

And when you take a step toward your dream or goal,
anticipate it in advance.

"What are the potential anxieties or obstacles?"
"What will I do when those anxieties or obstacles arise?"

The real obstacles are not on the outside, but on the inside.

For example, I also experience this, and it is a bit embarrassing to admit, but...
"I don't have time today, so I can't write."

"I'm busy, so I'll put it off until later."

At first glance, these look like external obstacles,
but in reality, they often hide internal emotions.

The real obstacles are things like:
"What if I can't write it well?"
"It would be embarrassing if no one reads it."
"I might quit halfway through again."
"I'm worried because my research is insufficient and it's too incomplete."

They are often these kinds of small "snags."

You feel resistance to facing them directly,
so you escape to external reasons like "I don't have time" or "I'm sorry for providing insufficient information."

But by noticing those snags
and deciding in advance "what I will do if those emotions arise,"
it becomes much easier to move forward.

In my case,
even if I can't finish writing an article, I at least
put the themes I want to write about into my drafts.

I might also include notes on how I'm thinking about things right now.

I have decided to handle things in that way.

Even though I am imagining a positive future,
reality does not change.

I cannot start moving as I would like to.

My actions do not last.

When you run into such worries,
I hope this article can give you a push.

See you again.

In addition,
I have compiled articles about "ways to move forward without leaving your senses behind"
by theme.
If there is a feeling close to yours right now,
please feel free to take a look when the timing feels right.
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