To those who feel uncomfortable with the premise of 'raising self-esteem'

Let's raise our self-esteem.
Let's increase our self-efficacy.

For those interested in self-help or coaching,
or for those who have actually experienced it,
I think you are often told things like this.

I have actually experienced it myself.

And,
as a result of being too conscious of 'self-evaluation'
such as self-esteem and self-efficacy,

I became unable to move.

Originally, I looked at things
more in terms of 'whether I will do it'
rather than 'whether I can do it'.

From there, I am currently analyzing myself
that it was because I was acting based on
'whether I can be convinced'.

Of course, I think there are many people for whom
self-esteem and self-efficacy are the starting point.

But,
I think there are also people who find it difficult to move
if they make that the only premise.

At the very least,
I was one of them.

▶ I think it is necessary to review the premise

In the first place, I feel that there are surprisingly many situations
where raising self-esteem or increasing self-efficacy is the 'premise'.

・When trying something new
・When you want to continue taking action
・When you want to change

First, let's raise our self-esteem.
First, let's increase our self-efficacy.

Being told things like that
is sometimes spoken of as a very natural flow.

However, I have come to think that while that premise may work for some people,
it might not work for others.

In my case, and I apologize for repeating myself,
rather than 'whether I think I can do it',

'whether I actually want to do it'
and 'whether I am convinced of it'
were more important.

▶ What is the trigger for your driving force?

Everyone has a different 'trigger to start moving',
in other words,
I have come to think again that the structure of the source of our driving force might be different.

I think there are people for whom 'whether they think they can do it',
like self-esteem or self-efficacy, becomes the power to act.

But on the other hand,

'whether they think they want to do it'
'whether they are convinced of it themselves'

might actually come first for many people, don't you think?

Apparently, I am the latter.

▶ The pitfall of self-evaluation

For those who find it easier to move when their self-esteem or self-efficacy increases,
the order of 'first, adjust your self-evaluation' is
I think, very natural.

But in my case, that was not the order.

The more I tried to raise my self-evaluation,
the more I focused on the 'me who doesn't think I can do it',
and it actually made it harder for me to move.

Rather,
it might be a bit of a stubborn part of me, but...
what was necessary for me was

whether I can believe I can do it,
rather than
whether I want to do it.

And,
whether I could be convinced of it.

▶ Discomfort with self-evaluation

The discomfort I felt while listening to talk about self-esteem and self-efficacy,
now, looking back on that time,
might have been caused by

starting from 'evaluation'.

Can I do it?
Am I doing it?
Is it enough?

When you try to look at yourself that way,
the 'evaluative perspective' inevitably comes first.

But for me,
rather than evaluating,
whether it aligns with my own feelings,
whether it resonates with me was more important,
that is what it comes down to.

▶ How transformation and change occur

I don't think change
necessarily 'happens only after you start believing you can do it'.

I think there is also a way of changing where you change because you were convinced,
don't you think?

And one more thing.

What was significant for me was
the perspective of 'way of being'.

Not whether I can do it, but
how I want to be.

Rather than becoming a self I can evaluate,
it is about whether I can remain in a way of being that aligns with my own senses.

For me, that became
the starting point for action,
and it was an opportunity to realize that once again.

In other words, in my case,
'self-congruence' came before
'self-evaluation'.

If you are struggling
because you are trying to raise your self-esteem,

if you have come to a standstill
trying to increase your efficacy,

perhaps that is not because your way of moving is wrong,
but simply because the order that suits you is different.

'So, what should I do specifically?'
The question comes to mind, doesn't it?

But, to say here again,
'Let's set a goal!' is,
honestly, not my intention.

Start with the very small things in your daily life...
For example,
・Which cup should I drink from?
・Which path should I take for a walk?

Why not start by making these small choices
not just 'because' or 'somehow',
but by choosing the one that
'feels right for you right now'?

Start gathering up
the small 'YES's within yourself.

The accumulation of that 'self-congruence'
will surely become the foundation
for a solid sense of conviction and self-realization.

Thank you for reading this article
all the way to the end.

Until next time.

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look at your 'quiet, true feelings' together.
When you need to, please reach out from here.

Other articles are also organized
by theme according to sensation.

There might be something
that matches how you feel right now.
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