The Texture of Small 'Pains'

When I was in junior high school, after club activities,
I was chatting with my teacher in the gymnasium.

I have completely forgotten how the conversation led to that,
but my club advisor suddenly said,
in a quiet tone,

“Just by being here right now,
I might be hurting someone.”

I suddenly remembered
that he had said that.

I didn't quite understand why these words came to mind
just now.

On social media and in various other places,
I have been seeing more and more strong 'declarative' statements,
like 'You can't change unless you do this'
or 'This is the correct answer.'

When I am feeling lost,
having someone say things so clearly like that
does make me feel saved for a moment.

However, to be honest,
I don't really like those kinds of strong declarations.

I have asked myself if I am just trying to avoid responsibility,
but that wasn't it.

My current view is that
it feels like slamming a door shut with a single correct answer,
cutting off all the gradations
in the process of exploring possibilities.

But,
I have also come to think that the strength to create an environment of single-minded focus
in order to pull someone up
is also a form of sincerity.

However, choosing one thing
means excluding all other possibilities.

The words my club teacher said quietly:
“Just by being here right now,
I might be hurting someone.”

I didn't understand what it meant at the time, and
I even thought, 'Huh? Suddenly? That's a bit scary,'
but

now, I feel like I understand it just a little bit.

Perhaps, in trying to extend club hours to face us students,
the teacher might have been making someone precious to them wait,
or making them feel lonely.

Trying to cherish one path
sometimes leads to letting go of something else.

When you try to divide everything neatly by correct answers and rules,
I think there is a small pain
that spills out from that.

There are times when being assertive is necessary.

But I want to cherish the gradations that overflow from that
just as much.

Without being too quick to decide that only one side is justice or the correct answer,
while also feeling the swaying in between.

Including all the pain and hesitation,
still continuing to walk my own path.

I think that the teacher from that day
must have been living their life that way, too.

Well then, until next time.

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Thank you for reading until the end
this time as well.

Is there a phrase that someone once said,
that has somehow continued to linger
in a corner of your heart?

I have also organized other articles
by theme according to senses.
There might be something
that feels close to your current state.
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