What is self-confidence, anyway?

"I have no confidence."

Don't you find yourself
saying these words without thinking?

When you are about to try something new.
When someone asks for your opinion.
When you become unsure if your choices are correct.

"I can't move forward because I have no confidence."
"I'll start once I have confidence."

Using a lack of confidence as a reason to stand still like that.

I have done that too.

But, I suddenly started to wonder.

What is confidence in the first place?
And in what situations
is the word "confidence" used?

Looking back,
people say things like, "You should be confident!"
"Are you confident about this job?"
or "I recommend this with confidence!"

It is used for encouragement,
and it is a context often heard in advertisements and dramas.

It felt to me that these are all talking about the degree of certainty or evaluation of something,
rather than something inside oneself.

"You should be confident"
sometimes includes an evaluation.
It can also feel like
giving permission to stand tall and be proud.

The "I recommend this with confidence" in advertisements
is a conviction that the product is good.

The "Are you confident?" in work
is an estimate of whether you can pull it off successfully.

It starts to feel like it is used more to talk about
the results or quality, rather than how you are feeling yourself.

If that is the case,
when we feel "I have no confidence,"
what are we actually feeling?

Is it "I don't know the probability of success"?
Is it "I don't want to fail"?
Is it "I feel like I don't have enough experience yet"?

It started to seem to me that within this single phrase "I have no confidence,"
many different feelings are mixed together.

If so many different feelings are mixed in,
I started to feel that lumping them all together as "having no confidence,"
and treating it as something to build or something you don't possess,
is a bit imprecise.

However, I often see and hear phrases like these.

To build self-confidence, you must be consistent.
Accumulate small successes.
Focus on what you have achieved.

Of course, I don't think there are any lies in that.
I truly believe that is exactly how it is.

But, somewhere, I feel a faint sense of hesitation.

A kind of hidden pressure that says,
“In other words, you just haven't done it yet, right?”

Words meant to be encouraging, without realizing it,
quietly reinforce the premise that
“being in a state of lacking confidence is bad.”

Just as “let's grow more” imprints the idea of your current inadequacy.
Just as “it's okay to want more” imprints the idea that your current desires are small.

“Let's build self-confidence” also
treats the state of lacking confidence as “something that needs to be fixed.”

Is it really “self-confidence” that I want, or that I am lacking?
I find myself wanting to pose the opposite question.

Conversely, if I think about what kind of person is “someone with self-confidence,”
what comes to mind is...

・Someone who is dignified
・Someone who does not waver
・Someone who does not fear failure

With images like these,
you might picture someone who always speaks clearly and decisively,
or someone who seems to shine brightly.

Rather than “someone with self-confidence,”
“someone who looks like they have self-confidence” might be closer to the nuance.

But even those people,
are sometimes wavering on the inside.

Even while wavering,
they are moving forward, trying to make the path they are on the right one.

That might not be because they “have self-confidence,” but rather
a state of “deciding to move forward and try, even without self-confidence.”

When facing something for the first time,
it is only natural to lack confidence.

After all, you haven't done it yet.
And it is still full of things you don't know.

In other words, I feel that it is often not that you "lack confidence,"
but simply that you "don't know yet."

And when you feel like you "lack confidence,"
it is actually a very pure moment.

Because it means you are looking at yourself without pretense.

"I'm not good at this"
"I don't know yet"
"I don't feel like I can do it well"

You could say that those feelings
mean you are "not lying to yourself."

Without covering up, without bracing yourself, without showing off.
You are able to observe your true self.

When you think of it that way, it is not a weakness at all.
I think it is actually being honest with yourself.

So,
when the words "I lack confidence"
are about to slip out,

try observing and accepting it
as a time when you can face your honest self.

I feel that
that becomes an opportunity
to know yourself deeply.

When you feel that it's difficult to observe yourself on your own...
please feel free to reach out.
I believe I can help.

See you later.

▼ Contact us here ▼

Thank you for reading this article
to the very end.

I want to be a place where we can look at your "quiet true feelings" together.
That is what I hope to be.

Other articles are also organized
by theme according to senses.
There might be something
that matches how you feel right now.
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