When you feel at ease, do you stop moving forward?

“If you affirm who you are right now, you won't be able to break out of the status quo.”

This is one of the things often said in coaching.

“If you are satisfied with the ‘now,’ you lose the reason to change. Homeostasis kicks in, and you return to your comfort zone. People can only move forward because they feel discomfort, such as dissatisfaction or a sense of lack.”

Since this is something you often see on video sites and the like, some of you may have encountered it before.

Certainly, there is some truth to it. There are surely times when we stay in a comfortable place for too long and avoid change.

I myself have a ‘track record’ of staying in places even when they were somewhat uncomfortable. The phenomenon of complaining endlessly about a workplace but never quitting is exactly this, I suppose... (It hits close to home for me, too...)

Because of such personal experiences, I used to think, ‘I must not get too comfortable’ and ‘I must not be satisfied with the “now.”’

However, deep down, I always felt something was off.

Recently, while watching my five-year-old niece, I felt I could finally see the outline of that sense of discomfort.

Children are truly free and relaxed when they feel at ease.

They laugh a lot and run around a lot. They show off funny faces, say strange things, and explore the world by touching everything around them.

But in places where there are many strangers or where they have to read the room, they suddenly become quiet, like a cat that has been borrowed.

Their bodies shrink a little, and they hide behind their mom while keeping an eye on their surroundings.

Watching that, I thought, ‘Wait a minute.’

When we feel at ease—or at least when we feel that we are ‘not being threatened’—isn't that when people naturally grow?

Of course, I also know that there are situations where we grow amidst tension.

A free throw just before the end of a basketball game. The wings of the stage at an Electone recital. A speech from the podium in front of the entire school. Just before the start of a swimming or skiing race. A full-count showdown with two outs in the bottom of the ninth. My hands would shake, my teeth would chatter, and my heart would be pounding so hard it felt like it might jump out... A tension that makes you want to run away.

But those kinds of moments are mysterious. After being tense to the limit, there was a moment when I felt the trembling suddenly fade away. Perhaps you could call it resigning yourself to the situation.

What you might call a state of focus.
It might have been a state close to being in the zone.

I have experienced such moments,
and have repeatedly grown and changed.

So, it is not that I want to
deny tension or pressure itself.

However, I feel that being in a state of constant tension
is a little different.

The focus before a performance and
the feeling of chronically thinking, "I'm not good enough as I am, I'm lacking,"
might be similar in terms of "discomfort."
But they are probably different things.

And,
I also began to feel a sense of discomfort with the phrase
"stepping out of your comfort zone."

By moving your comfort zone,
you grow and achieve the future you envisioned.

Many people say things like that, but
is it really true?
I had a feeling that it didn't quite sit right with me.

A cage.
A wall.
A round circle.
A place to jump out of or escape from.

It is often depicted that way.

I feel there is a strong implication that it is
"a place you must not stay in."

Along with that, homeostasis is also
like a powerful device to return you to the status quo...
I also started to be bothered by expressions that treat it as an "enemy."

It might be enough to explain things simply.

Explaining the mechanism of growth
by understanding the functions and structures of
comfort zones and homeostasis to overcome them
seems easy to understand.

I can understand it.

But my "senses"
just don't feel right...

It didn't feel like a good fit.

I wondered if the reason I couldn't accept it
was because there was a reason I didn't want to accept it,
so I was doubting myself even more.

I think I was searching for how I perceive it,
and what kind of words would make it feel right.

Now, as one way of expressing it.

For me, growth
feels more like
a tree.

Like tree rings, you layer them little by little.

As the trunk gets thicker, it also grows taller.
The branches and leaves can gradually spread out.

Since the roots support it underground,
even if it sways in the wind, it is hard to knock over.

And, in the shade of the tree,
squirrels or small birds might come to rest.

Flowers bloom and fruit grows.
Seeing someone's happy face...

That kind of image is closer.

So, rather than expanding or transitioning,
the feeling of "nurturing" might be closer.

Since time feels incredibly long for trees, I think it might be nice to
replace that image with the way layers of a mille-feuille cake are stacked.
It's delicious, too. Haha.

I've written this much, but
that doesn't mean
I want to say things like, "I'm not convinced, so it's rejected!" or
"The idea of stepping out of your comfort zone is wrong!"

When changing,
much like when training your body,
I think a certain amount of load and tension is necessary.

I don't know if trees have a will of their own, but
they do have a way of living,
enduring the wind and seeking the sunlight.
Perhaps they spread their roots far and wide as a countermeasure to keep from falling over.


If they stayed thin and fragile while out in the wind,
they would snap before they could grow.

That's why they add annual rings little by little as the seasons change,
and their trunks grow stronger.

As I associate these images,
I'm starting to think that "feeling at ease" and "growing"
don't necessarily have to be separated.

Trees that grow rapidly...
are very charming in the world of Totoro or in video games.
But I like the process of

adding annual rings little by little and taking deep root.

...But,
mille-feuille is also great, isn't it?
Because it's delicious.
(Though I might not have eaten it in the last few years...)

With that, thank you for reading this article
to the very end.

See you again.

▼ Contact us here ▼
How do you perceive
growth and the comfort zone?

If you feel that it's difficult to put into words,
please feel free to reach out.
I think I can help.

I want to be a place where we can look at your "quiet, true feelings" together.

I have also organized other articles
by theme according to their vibe.
There might be something
that matches how you feel right now.
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