Learning from my 2.5-year-old son: 'Stress is a catalyst for growth'

Thank you for visiting. I am a science-major mom raising my 2.5-year-old son, who only says a few words, and my 4-month-old daughter.

This may be sudden, but are you familiar with this book?

To put it roughly, it is a story about how stress is not just harmful, but can be an opportunity for growth.

While it has been my bible since I read it a long time ago, I still secretly thought in the back of my mind that being in a stressful environment is tough and painful.

But...! Watching my son recently, I finally understood the content of the book, thinking, it is true that stress can lead to growth.

Thank you, my son, for making me realize this. So, I am writing this note to record my realization before I forget it ✍️

My son's source of stress is the birth of his sister

My son is a total mama's boy, and that became even more intense after I became pregnant with my second child.

Perhaps he sensed it before I even realized I was pregnant with my second child, as he suddenly became intensely demanding that "it has to be Mommy!", so children really have good intuition.

In my third trimester, he even started sucking on my nipples, even though I wasn't producing milk yet.

My son, must have been under a lot of stress since his sister was born.

The birth of his sister and my son's inner conflict

My son was really difficult after I gave birth to his sister.

First, he couldn't stand me breastfeeding his sister. I was so desperate that I once breastfed my older child while bottle-feeding the younger one. I even breastfed both of them at the same time...

And then at night. I'm sure he really hated that I was taking care of the younger one when he woke up in the middle of the night.

He would say, "Then I won't sleep!" and would rampage until past 11 PM for days, and there were days he would collapse and fall asleep curled up on a chair in the living room.

He has a desire to be sweet to his sister, but not being able to have Mommy all to himself is stressful...

While he would try to cover his sister with a blanket or try to feed her milk, he would also scratch her face or throw toys at her.

I think he was really struggling with inner conflict.

My son's growth after 4 months

My son, who... lately, when we go to a children's play area, will choose baby toys for his little sister and hand them to her.

Even though he used to say 'no' to every suggestion to 'put things away and go home,'

when I say, 'Your little sister wants to sleep in her bed at home. So, can you put things away and come home with us?'

he goes over to his sister, tries to pick her up to put her in the stroller (with adult help, of course), and even cleans up the toys he was using at lightning speed.

Yes, he has grown into a kind big brother who can endure and shift gears if it's for his little sister now.

Of course, he has also stopped intentionally hurting his sister.

Even in the middle of the night, when I ask him, 'I need to feed your sister, can you sleep by yourself?', he will go right back to sleep on his own, even if he had started to wake up.

People grow significantly under stress.

In these past four months, my son has truly grown into a kind big brother who cares deeply for his sister.

Seeing my son so stressed and acting out with such intense regression, I almost regretted having a second child, wondering if it was too soon...

But seeing my son grow so much by using that stress as fuel, I can now say, I am truly, truly glad that we were blessed with a second child.

Stressful environments aren't all bad.
Thank you, my son, for making me realize that people can grow within them.Thank you, my son.

Whenever I feel stressed from now on, I think I'll remember this and reframe it as 'an opportunity to grow.'

I appreciate your continued support.

Reference Book

My go-to book. Based on various research findings, it explains that stress is not harmful, but rather an opportunity for growth. If there is anyone who hasn't read it yet, I would love to buy it and give it to you—it is a book I truly recommend.

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