How to Raise Children to be Happy and True to Themselves: Knowing Yourself

Thank you so much for visiting the page of a science-loving mom raising a 2-year-10-month-old son who is just starting to talk a little, and an 8-month-old daughter.😊

Today, I would like to write the third chapter of "How to Raise Children to be Happy and True to Themselves."

This article is a summary of my current thoughts as a science-loving mom who thinks daily about "how to interact with children" or "what to teach children" so that they can grow up to be themselves and achieve self-realization.

In the previous article, I focused on "happiness is a sense of contribution" among the conditions for happiness, and talked about praising with a "Thank you!" and creating situations where you can say "Thank you!".

In today's article, I would like to take a step further and focus on "how to make a contribution without seeking a reward" to think about "how children can live a happy life".

📕 Happiness in Adlerian Psychology

In Adlerian psychology, it is clearly defined that "happiness is a sense of contribution."

What is important here is not to seek a reward by thinking "I contributed, so...", but that feeling that you are useful to someone with a spirit of give & give & give is happiness.

⚠️ It is impossible not to seek a reward

However, unless you are a saint, it is impossible to continue contributing without seeking a reward for everything and feel happy, which is my opinion.

If you try to keep your heart in such a state while you are in a condition where you might seek a reward unless you are conscious of "not seeking a reward",

the result will be that you notice "I am seeking a reward even though I shouldn't" and feel miserable I think.

✍️ Knowing yourself

That is why it is important to "know yourself".

"What kind of things can I do without seeking a reward...?" It is to study yourself thoroughly.

In other words, it means "knowing your own values."

An analogy to show how important it is to "know yourself"

For example, imagine someone who works in sales and finds fulfillment in interacting directly with customers, and who also has good sales performance, only to be transferred to the head office in recognition of those achievements.

Even if it were a promotion, imagine someone who cannot find much fulfillment in head office tasks that don't involve direct customer interaction, and thus loses their sense of purpose in their work, and imagine such a person.

Even in such a state, I think the majority of people would try to fulfill their duties because "it's their job," but from the perspective of "happiness," their sense of fulfillment has decreased.

👧 Thoroughly "knowing yourself" during childhood

Therefore, what parents can do is to thoroughly cooperate with their child in "knowing themselves".

As they gradually grow up, various values of "you should do this" are planted in them, and some people lose sight of their true selves.

"You should go to a good university," "It's better to keep working at a large company," "Civil service is the best because it's stable," "Girls should get married and have children early" (← I don't think anyone says that anymore, but those were the words I was bound by), and so on...

I believe it is necessary to value the "likes" and "dislikes," the "things I'm good at!" and "things I'm not good at!" that well up from the bottom of the heart, rather than such calculations of profit and loss.

Children, without the aforementioned calculations of profit and loss, charge headlong toward their interests at that moment, so I think it is the perfect period for "knowing yourself".

🧩 As a parent of a child with developmental unevenness

This is a bit of a digression, but my son has developmental unevenness (ASD). And although I haven't been diagnosed, I am one of those people who has ASD tendencies.

ASD has the characteristic of "not having any interest at all in things you aren't interested in,", and I have been troubled by this a little. (For example, without meaning any harm, I might respond in a way that shows absolutely no interest, making people uncomfortable, etc.)

That is precisely why I believe that "knowing yourself", which I wrote about today, is probably more important than it is for others, and once I started writing, it became this long.

So, "knowing yourself" is something I would like to write about again next time regarding what parents can do.

To those who have read this far, thank you so, so much. I appreciate your continued support.

🏅 You can download the sticker chart

You can download the sticker chart that is very useful for our home therapy here☟

I have also created a Coconala page so that I can respond to requests such as "I want to change the items" or "I want you to make it with illustrations of girls." I apologize that the page is still a work in progress, but I am posting it here.

👥 We are looking for new members

We are recruiting members for the "Co-managed Magazine for the Neurodivergent"!

The "Co-managed Magazine for the Neurodivergent" is aco-managed magazine specializing in developmental disabilitiesthat anyone involved with developmental disabilities (individuals, parents, or support staff) can join.

We operate this with the hope of building horizontal connections regarding developmental disabilities and helping with:
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