The result of consulting about how I sometimes get uncontrollably frustrated with my son
Thank you for visiting. I am a science-loving mom raising my 2-year-10-month-old son, who only speaks a little, and my 8-month-old daughter.
I am in the middle of writing "How to raise children to be happy and true to themselves", but please let me update this with a memo from when I went to developmental support first.
Today is about the method for dealing with times when I feel uncontrollably frustrated with my son, which I discussed with his developmental support teacher.
😶🌫️ When I feel uncontrollably frustrated
I don't usually get frustrated often, but there are times when I feel uncontrollably irritated...
When I thought about when that happens, four scenes came to mind.
1. When he won't stop even after I say "stop." (Especially when he is causing harm to my face or body as an extension of roughhousing.)
2. When he keeps making incomprehensible noises. (When he keeps shouting loudly, "eo-eo-eo-eo-eo...!!")
3. When I am sleep-deprived or tired myself.
4. When it is past his bedtime, as mentioned in ☝️, and he won't go to sleep.
☝️ The ultimate technique is to create distance
My methods for dealing with this so far have been something like this.
1. Redirect him to another activity.
Mainly for 1, I redirect him to other toys or picture books. However, the reality is that when my son is already in that state, he is rarely lured by other things.
At times like that, I rely on the TV! I put on something like Paw Patrol that I have recorded and keep my distance by saying, "Mommy is going to do such-and-such, so you watch Paw Patrol, okay?"
When he won't stop even after I tell him to, redirect his attention elsewhere! (Paw Patrol is the best, thank you.)
2. Ignore him.
For 2, I use the method of completely "ignoring" him. Well, I get frustrated when he keeps doing it even after I continue to ignore him, though...
The reason why I get frustrated at the strange noises is that when I see my son continuing to make them, a wave of anxiety washes over me, thinking, "Is this child really okay?"
Therefore, for the strange noises, it is less of a challenge for my son and more of a challenge for my own heart.
When he keeps making strange noises, I recognize it as my own challenge (being frustrated by my own anxiety).
3. Eat well and sleep well.
A countermeasure that should not be underestimated is "eating well and sleeping well."
It's true for both adults and children that we inevitably get grumpy when we're hungry or sleepy, isn't it? ;;
To avoid unnecessarily projecting bad vibes onto my family, I believe it is extremely important to maintain my own physical condition by living a regular life.
Eat well, sleep well, and prevent frustration.
4. Leave the bedroom.
My way of dealing with it when he won't go to sleep even after his bedtime has passed is just for me to "leave the bedroom."
I tell my son in advance, "If you aren't asleep by such-and-such time, Mommy is going to leave. You have this many minutes left." and when the time comes, I really do leave.
He cries extremely hard, but I firmly refuse to return to the bedroom, and I don't open the door.
Usually, after about 10 to 20 minutes, he gives up and falls asleep on his own most of the time. When he wakes up, I make sure not to forget to praise him by saying, "You did a great job sleeping by yourself!"
When he won't go to sleep, leave the bedroom.
👩🏫 Advice from the developmental support teacher
Now, that was a long introduction, but I asked the developmental support teacher for advice on what to do when I just can't help but feel frustrated.
After I told her about the methods I've used so far...
Yes, yes, that's fine! Everyone feels frustrated sometimes, so it can't be helped. Keeping your distance is a very good way to handle it.
She completely validated me, which I didn't expect.
Don't expect perfection from your child.
I felt guilty about feeling intensely frustrated with my child, and I thought she might teach me how to discipline my son regarding points 1 and 2, so I was a little taken aback.
In other words, my son is still two years old. The fact that there are times when he won't stop even when I tell him to, or that he lets out strange screams, might not be that strange after all, I felt a little relieved.
It's no good to expect too much perfection from a child. That's what leads to my frustration.
📕 Applied Behavior Analysis is useful.
On the other hand, I am conscious of praising him to the fullest when he stops after I tell him to, and teaching him desirable behavior.
Ignoring undesirable behavior and praising desirable behavior is Applied Behavior Analysis, isn't it?
Thinking about it that way, knowledge of Applied Behavior Analysis has been very useful in dealing with my own frustration, and these days I'm glad I read those books.
Best regards.
Reference Books
Here are the Applied Behavior Analysis books I'm glad I read👇
You can download the sticker reward chart
The sticker reward chart that is a huge success in our home therapy can be downloaded here☟
I have also created a Coconala page to accommodate requests such as 'I want to change the items' or 'I want it made with illustrations of girls.' I apologize that the page is still a work in progress, but I am posting it here.
We are looking for members
We are looking for members for the 'Jointly Operated Magazine for Neurodivergence'!
The 'Jointly Operated Magazine for Neurodivergence' is a jointly operated magazine specializing in developmental disabilities that anyone involved with developmental disabilities (individuals, parents, support staff) can join.
We operate this with the hope of creating horizontal connections for developmental disabilities and helping with:
☑︎ Empathy like 'Oh, I totally get that!'
☑︎ Solving worries like 'What should I do about this?'
If you would like to join, please let us know in the comments! We look forward to your participation.
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