A parent who cries at kindergarten in the morning. But, that is exactly why there are things I can write.

"Even if a child refuses to go to kindergarten, a parent should maintain a firm attitude."

I wonder when and by whom that value was planted in us.

I get it, I really do. A parent shouldn't be dragged down by their child's instability. It just makes them more anxious. I understand well that a parent's firm attitude provides a sense of security.

"I don't want to, I don't want to!"

Yet, when my child resists while crying at the kindergarten entrance, I can't even show a shred of firmness. ...In fact, I'm already crying along with them.

Since I was young, I have always let my imagination run wild when hearing "one" and imagining "ten," often causing my emotions to blow a fuse.

When I hear "I don't want to," my thoughts turn to the feelings behind my child's words. To their anxiety and melancholy. To the ideals and expectations they had. To the frustration of wanting to do their best but failing. To the inexplicable ups and downs of their emotions. To the voices around them...

Eventually, it turns into tears and overflows.

I hold it together just barely in front of my child. The moment I leave, I'm crying. Parents passing by must be startled.

I just can't stop the tears. It's like blushing or having sweaty palms. I can't control it, and I feel down about myself because of it.

...At the same time, I also think, "But that is exactly why there are things I can write."

After dropping my child off at kindergarten, I headed straight to a cafe. The dimly lit Pronto in the basement is my favorite "workspace."

Black coffee and lemon water with free refills.

Once I sit at the table, I slowly place my computer, paper, and pen down. And then, a book I took out of my bag.

Osamu Dazai.

This time, I shed tears in this world. For the hearts of the people in the book. My emotions are stirred, and while crying, I scribble words onto paper. What an amazing world! I must convey this to the other side...

During that time, as a writer, I was writing several book reviews.

Most of the manuscripts were written while I was crying. They were made from notes I took after letting my imagination run wild in the world of books, feeling shaken, and having my emotions blow a fuse.

As for what I looked like at that time... But the writing I produced was brilliant.

When I am disappointed in myself, I always whisper this to myself.

"But, that is exactly why there are things I can write."

A parent who cries at kindergarten. But, that is exactly why there are things I can write.

I cannot control my emotions. But, that is exactly why there are things I can write.

I have many weaknesses and am always feeling down. But, that is exactly why there are things I can write.

Everything that looks like a flaw to me is wonderful as a writer.

No matter what anyone says, I will use being a writer as an "excuse" to live positively.

▼My Self-Introduction▼

#TalkingAboutMyselfIsFun

This time, I wrote an article by jumping on Mikumayutan-san's "Self-Talk Project."

Mikumayutan-san, thank you for such a wonderful project!