#63_The Importance of Flexibility: Asking 'How Can We Make This Work?'

Between the modern world we live in and the world of 100 or 200 years ago,
there have been major changes in every possible aspect.
Lives that would have been unthinkable 100 or 200 years ago are now
a reality.
Behind many of these changes, numerous customs and cultural practices
have disappeared or been lost.
It is not that the changes themselves are bad; one could say they
were naturally weeded out.
On the other hand, there are things that have been passed down and remain
even today. If you ask whether they remain exactly as they were in the past,
the truth is that the methods have been changed little by little.

I recently experienced this change in my own life.
I am writing this article at the beginning of January, which
happened to be the time for the 'Tondo' festival.
I went to the shrine to return some charms I had forgotten to return earlier,
and I saw something there that I thought was wonderful.
Speaking of 'Tondo,' in the old days, the bonfire would start around 5:00 AM
on January 15th. Before the sun had even risen, the adults of the community
would gather to light the pyre.
They would use that fire to roast mochi and make zenzai (sweet red bean soup),
which was then served to everyone who came to the Tondo.
The zenzai was so warm and delicious; it is one of my happy memories,
even though it was cold and smoky.
I encountered the shocking fact that this early winter morning event
is now held during the day (lol).
It’s not that shocking, really, but since Tondo was always an early morning event,
I was surprised (lol).
Perhaps it’s because people are busy in the morning and it’s hard to gather them,
or maybe there’s no need to do it in the freezing early morning hours.
It’s easier for people to gather during the warmer daytime hours, and there’s also
the risk of injury when working in the dim light.
In any case, by shifting the time, the burden on the organizers is reduced,
and it is easier for participants to attend. I thought this was really great.

The activities and events are traditional customs, but
if you change the method slightly, it becomes easier and more fitting for modern people,
making it easier to continue. This makes it easier to pass on important culture.
Instead of stubbornly insisting on the old ways—'It must be done in the early morning!'—
by being flexible and making small changes, you can turn them into something
that is easier and more enjoyable to do.

Another thing that actually happened around me recently
concerns the 'satogaeri' (returning to one's parents' home) after a woman gives birth.
A mother's body after childbirth has sustained damage equivalent to
being in a 'serious, unconscious condition' after a major accident.
During my first birth, I lost consciousness just as the baby was about to be born
and almost went to the other side—I almost died... This is the truth,
and I heard later that the doctors, midwives, and nurses were all panicking.
The midwife pushed down on my stomach from above while using a vacuum
to pull the baby's head out from below; it was a bit rough, but it was the final
resort to finish the delivery. If they hadn't done that, both the baby and I
would have been in danger! I was somehow pulled back to reality from the edge
of the Sanzu River, and I finished my first birth in a daze (lol).
Of course, during my hospital stay, I was strictly told 'no visitors, absolute bed rest,'
and the nurses came to my bed frequently to check my health.
It was an incredibly difficult birth... I and everyone around me were truly surprised,
and I wondered what would happen. I digressed a bit, but this is how much of a
huge job childbirth is, and if you don't take care of the mother's body after birth,
it will start to break down 10 or 20 years later. I found an error in my uterus
and ended up having surgery for a pre-cancerous state of cervical cancer.
Well, a woman's body is truly delicate, and mothers are strong and great.
After giving birth, you must rest properly for at least one month.
In the past, people would 'return home' to their parents' house to rest,
but nowadays, many people have jobs, and it's not always easy to spend
time relaxing at their parents' home.
My second daughter gave birth at the beginning of the year and had a baby,
but I didn't have her return home; instead, I had her go back to her own house
and I went over frequently to take care of her and the baby.
That way, the new mom and the baby don't have to move locations,
and they can get used to things without the environment changing.
It might be nice to go back to your parents' home to relax, but if you have to
move again after a month to go back to your own home, the environment changes,
which confuses both the mom and the baby.
Even if it is their own home, the change in environment can lead to the baby
fussing more, and the mom might not be able to move around smoothly,
so there are disadvantages to consider. Because of this, it seems that
grandparents going to the daughter's home to help is becoming the mainstream.
Certainly, if it's the second or third child, there's the care of the older children,
and being at home is more convenient in many ways, isn't it?
In this way, I think it is very good to take the good custom passed down from the past—
protecting the mother's body while getting used to taking care of the baby—
and arrange it in a modern way while keeping the core idea.
Changing your perspective, having the person who is more mobile do the moving,
prioritizing recovery, and supporting with minimal burden.
I think that's quite good. That said, is there no burden on the side providing support?
There is some, but I think it's not a big deal when it comes to protecting the vulnerable.

Similar to 'satogaeri,' there is 'kisei' (returning to one's hometown),
but recently I have also heard of patterns where the grandparents go to visit.
If the couple's work schedules don't align, or during pregnancy or when birth is near,
I think it's fine to change who does the moving.
In any case, I think the best thing is to work together to find the optimal solution
for each family.

In this modern age where there are many forms of family and happiness,
it is very important to think and act flexibly.
Don't be too caught up in fixed ideas, and honestly share each other's thoughts.
And from there, think about 'how can we make it so everyone can spend time smiling?'
I think this kind of approach is the way of the future.

Let's be freer and more flexible, and change our methods by looking at things
from various angles.
Now, what kind of things will you try to apply 'how can I make this work?' to?
It can be applied in many situations, so I hope you will give it a try.