The Story of Me, a Sibling, Watching the Blue Sky with My Older Brother

-On a certain day in May 2025, I watched the blue sky with my older brother-

I have an older brother with autism accompanied by a severe intellectual disability.
We have lived together since I was born.

I attended kindergarten, elementary school, and junior high school with my brother, who is two years older than me.
We also went to and from school together.

The hardest time was during junior high school.
My brother had a panic attack and went around breaking school windows.
I still remember the shame and regret I felt as I went around apologizing to teachers and friends.

Time has passed and we have both become "adults," but
my brother's intelligence level remains that of a "child."

・He has a strong fixation on people
・He is uncomfortable around men
・He cannot settle down unless he greets specific people

He has many other fixations, but his fixation on people is overwhelmingly strong.
Since he became uncomfortable around men, I haven't been able to take him out to eat.

In the midst of this, hoping to build even a little bit of success, I suggested that
on a certain day in May, we take my brother to an outlet park as a family.

There are many people, but an outlet park has a large area and plenty of places to escape to.
I wanted him to gain experience in social activities by staying in the same space as men and other people, even if only for a little while.

My mother bought my brother's favorite takoyaki at the outlet park for a snack.
We looked for an empty table to eat together, but
only tables with shared seating were available.

My brother was in a good mood, so my mother encouraged him to share a table.

My brother sat down next to a man.
Then, his expression changed immediately.
He didn't even look at his favorite takoyaki, and his body stiffened.

In just a few seconds, my brother stood up. He started running immediately.

I chased after my brother. How many times have I seen this scene?
I chased him desperately, but my brother's figure grew smaller.

I stopped and looked back.
Then I saw that my younger brother, who had come with us, was also running.

I faced forward and ran again.
As my younger brother passed me, he said this.

"Leave the rest to me. Hold this."My younger brother entrusted his belongings to me.

In that moment, I felt fulfilled.
I realized I was not alone.
Even in this situation, I felt glad to be alive.

My younger brother handled everything that followed.

I sat on a bench with my older brother, whose panic had subsided, and we gazed at the blue sky.

For some reason, memories from my childhood came flooding back.

There is something I want to tell my younger self from back then.

And that is that I am very happy right now.

🌸 To those meeting me for the first time

#CreativeAward2025 #EssayCategory #FamilyDynamics #SiblingBond