To my self from three years ago.

If the current me could meet the me from three years ago I would first like to ask a question.

How many books have you read lately?

I am sure I would answer with a bit of pride
I read about ten books this month.

And then, I would surely continue.
This book is about time management, this one is about ambition,
this one is about how to have fun, and so on.

If the current me heard that, I might laugh at that point.

Are you planning to put all of that into practice?

I think I would nod seriously with a straight face.
Of course.

...No, no, that is too much.
I know that, but still.

Back then, I was trying to change my life every time I read a book.

I will change how I approach work.
I will change how I use my time.
I will have hobbies.
I will gamify my life.
I will take care of my health.
I will have ambition.
I will set goals.
I will provide feedback.

It feels as if I were updating a life-modification manual every week.

When I look back at my reading notes,
I can see that I was truly busy.

And yet, strangely enough,
the most important thing was not written down.

What do you actually like?
That answer was missing.

Even though I was desperately researching ways to find enjoyment,
I had hardly written down anything that I actually found fun.

So skillful, yet so clumsy.

I think that back then, I truly believed that if you change your way of thinking, your life will change.
That is why I read books, thought about them, and read more books.

But, in truth, I think I was a little scared.

Changing my way of thinking meant
letting go of the self I had believed in for decades.

The self that had lived centered on work.
The self that had believed that if you work hard, the path will open.

The possibility that you might have been wrong.
I think that is more courageousthan you realize.

That is why I couldn't change all at once.
I would read a book and pause, then read another and check my progress.

Looking at that version of myself now, I think, "I was being cautious."
Three years later, I am seeing a slightly different view.

I take photos, go for walks, write, want to see the ocean, and
think about my connections with others.

Strangely, I don't really think about "changing my life" anymore.
If you live each day with care,
perhaps you change little by little as a result.

That is how it felt.

So, I want to tell my self from three years ago:
You don't have to rush so much.

Life probably won't change because of one book.
But the accumulation of each day truly changes a person.

And one more thing.
You try to change your "thinking" almost every day, but
I don't think it's your thinking that really changes.

I believe it is how you engage with the world.

You can rest easy.
It will take years to understand that answer.
So, go ahead and read another book today.
But, once in a while, close the book and walk through the park.

The sound of the wind, the swaying of the trees, the conversations of strangers.

The me from three years ago
might have called such things "a waste of time."
Or perhaps, even if I understood that they were important, I couldn't feel it in my body and couldn't put it into practice.

But I know now.

It wasn't the number of books I read that changed my life.
I think it was the time I spent reconnecting with the world after closing the books.