The day I thought, 'This might be the end.'

Yesterday,

I took a day off from work.

Even though I was supposed to have taken the day off because I wanted to,

somewhere deep down,

'Is it okay to be like this?'

a voice kept asking.

Lately,

I have been absorbed in writing.

Writing articles was fun.

However,
this past week I was
using energy from places I had never used before,
so without realizing it,
I think I was quite exhausted.

In the midst of that,
I read a certain article,
and anxiety came rushing in all at once.

There are such amazing people out there.

Compared to them, I am...

Why is it that nothing ever happens for me?

There are no inquiries.

There are no visible results.

Is there really anyone out there who needs me?

Just like that,

I realized I was slipping back into my usual thought patterns
like I was on autopilot.

But yesterday,

it was a little different.

I,

did not try to make the anxiety go away.

'What are you so afraid of?'

And so,

I asked myself.

Then,

voices started coming out one after another.

'I'm afraid of not getting results.'

'I'm afraid of not being needed by anyone anymore.'

'I'm afraid of being wrong.'

I,

without denying them,

listened to each one.

And finally,

I thought this.

'For now, I'll just rest.'

That's how much,

I was exhausted.

Yesterday,

I decided to make it a day to acknowledge that.

Since I took the day off,

today,

I will be kinder to myself.

That is what I decided.

And then,

'I can talk to this person'

to the person I thought that about,

'I slacked off (lol)'

I sent a message.

Then,

they accepted it,

I felt a sense of relief and let go.

From there,

my breathing finally returned.

The anxiety,

has not disappeared.

However,

when I looked back calmly,

there were things I could see.

This past week.

I was,
in the midst of quite significant changes.

New attunement.
Change of service name.
Continuing to write articles.
Free PDF file giveaway project.

And,

using energy in ways I'm not used to.

It was only natural that I was tired.

Yesterday,

I was finally able to,

say that to myself.

And,

I realized once again.

There are times when people,

cannot find their way back alone.

That is why,

a companion is necessary.

Not someone who gives you the answers, but

'It's okay. You can find your way back.'

Someone who,

supports you by gently showing you the way, so that you don't drift too far from your true self, and so that when you are about to drift, you can return to the right path.

Yesterday, I

It is not that my anxiety has disappeared.

But,

I have learned through experience

that even with anxiety, I can come back.

That is surely something

I did not have before.

When I feel anxious, I immediately

'I guess I'm no good after all'

and I almost revert to my old self.

But now,

there are moments when I can

view that voice

from a little distance away.

'This is what I think'


—I wrote about the time I first allowed myself to say that
in the article from the day before yesterday.

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