[Complete Guide] Cooling-off, Preparation, Approaches for Successful Reconciliation, and How to Choose Words for Thank-You Emails

To you who wish to reconcile, so you don't take the wrong first step

You want to start over with that person you broke up with—.
This article will definitely be useful for you who are holding onto such earnest feelings.
When thinking about reconciling with an ex-partner, everyone worries about,

“How should I get in touch?”
“What should I say?”

Especially, the “first contact” after the cooling-off period is a crucial step that holds the key to successful reconciliation.

But please, wait a moment.
It is dangerous to contact them based on emotion because you are in a hurry to reconcile.
Are you telling them straight out that you “want to reconcile” or talking at length about past memories?
Actually, these actions often push the other person's heart away.
Many people who fail at reconciliation share the common trait of cornering the other person with an emotional approach.that is a common point.

Common patterns of failing at reconciliation

• Emotional long-form messages: Writing at length about lingering attachment and regret, making the other person think you are “heavy.”

• Ignoring the cooling-off period: Contacting them immediately after breaking up, not giving the other person time to think.

• Self-centered approach: Just pushing your own feelings without considering the other person's position.

• Indirect appeals on social media: Posts intended for an ex-partner to see are instead perceived as “too desperate.”

Before you regret it and think, “This isn't how it was supposed to be…,” you need astrategyfor reconciliation.
In particular, a “thank-you email” after the cooling-off period is a powerful tool to naturally move the other person's heart and rebuild the relationship.
In this article, I will explain in detail how to write a “thank-you email” based on psychology and the concrete action steps to make reconciliation successful.

What you will gain by reading this article:

• How to choose specific words for a “thank-you email” after the cooling-off period to move your ex-partner's heart

• Psychological techniques and strategies to increase the success rate of reconciliation

• “Self-improvement” and image strategy on social media and in daily life

• Concrete action plans to make reconciliation a reality

If you are serious about aiming for reconciliation, reading on will provide you with the know-how to open up a “new start with that person.”

Strategies to capture your ex-boyfriend's heart with a thank-you email and steps toward reconciliation

1. Why is a “thank-you email” the key to reconciliation?

To succeed in reconciliation, you need to plant both a “sense of security” and “curiosity” in the other person's heart at the same time.
If you send an emotional message or content that hints at lingering attachment in your first contact after the cooling-off period, the other person will become wary and try to keep their distance.

This is where a “thank-you email” proves effective.
A thank-you email creates the following psychological effects.

• Lowering the other person's defenses: Words of gratitude should be positive and not put pressure on the other person.

• Stimulating lingering feelings: Casually evoke good memories from the past to remind the other person of the 'fun times'.

• Making an impression of a new you: You can showcase the 'new you' who has grown during the cooling-off period.

Point: A gratitude email is not meant to directly convey 'I want to get back together.'
It is strictly a tool to create an 'opportunity' to reopen the relationship with the other person.

2. How to write a gratitude email: Concrete examples and points to note

Gratitude emails need to be short, simple, yet written strategically.
Below is the structure and concrete examples of an effective gratitude email.

Structure of a gratitude email

1. Light greeting: Naturally convey that it has been a while since you last contacted them.

2. Words of gratitude: Specifically state the positive influence you gained from your past relationship.

3. Your current changes: Casually highlight your growth or positive changes during the cooling-off period.

4. Closing that does not force a reply: Do not put pressure on the other person and give them the freedom to reply.

Concrete examples

件名：久しぶり！

〇〇くん、こんにちは！ ずいぶん久しぶりになってしまったけど、元気にしてるかな？

ふと、〇〇くんと過ごした時間が頭に浮かんで、連絡してみたくなったんだ。〇〇くんと一緒にいたとき、いつも前向きな気持ちになれたし、〇〇くんのユーモアには本当に助けられたよ。ありがとう。

最近は新しい趣味を始めてみたり、仕事でも新しい挑戦をしてて、なんだか毎日が新鮮だよ。またどこかで近況を話せたらいいな。

じゃあ、またね！
△△

Points to note

• Do not make it too long: Keep it under 300 characters and prioritize readability.

• Do not hint at lingering feelings: Words that hint at reconciliation (e.g., 'I want to start over,' 'I want to see you') are absolutely off-limits.

• Include the other person's name: By personalizing it, you give the other person a sense of being special.

• Positive tone: Strive for a tone that gives a bright and forward-looking impression.

3. Reconciliation strategies utilizing psychology

Just sending a gratitude email will not realize a reconciliation.
To move the other person's heart and rebuild the relationship, strategies based on psychology are essential.

① Principle of Scarcity: Make yourself a 'hard-to-get' existence

People find value in things that are 'hard to obtain'.
Thoroughly work on self-improvement during the cooling-off period and promote the 'new you' through social media or mutual friends.
For example...

• Image strategy on social media: Post photos of new hobbies or travels.
  Give an impression of being 'fulfilled' in a natural way without being too flashy.

• Examples of self-improvement: Incorporate visible changes such as going to the gym, getting certifications, or updating your fashion.

② Zeigarnik Effect: Stimulating incomplete emotions

People strongly remember 'incomplete events'.
By subtly recalling good memories from the past in a thank-you email, you can stimulate the feeling in the other person that they 'wanted to be with you longer'.
However, it is important that the reminiscence is short and specific.

③ Mirroring: Aligning with the other person's values

Research the values and interests that the other person cherishes, and incorporate topics reflecting them into your thank-you email or subsequent conversations.
For example, if they like music, lightly touch upon it by saying, 'I recently heard a new song by the band you used to like, and it made me feel nostalgic.'

4. How to spend the cooling-off period correctly

Effectively utilizing the cooling-off period before sending a thank-you email is the key to successful reconciliation.
The guideline for the cooling-off period is 3 to 6 months, but it varies depending on the situation.
Below is a concrete action plan during the cooling-off period.

① Thorough self-improvement

• Appearance: Update your hairstyle and fashion.
  Prioritize cleanliness.

• Inner self: Acquire new hobbies or skills to boost your confidence.

• Mental state: Organize past emotions through counseling or meditation to regain calmness.

② Indirect promotion on social media

• Try to post positively: Avoid complaints or negative content.

• Utilize stories: Subtly share small daily joys or growth.

• Direct hints are a no-go: Posts that are too conscious of the other person have the opposite effect.

③ Maintain relationships with mutual friends

• Do not force information about your ex-partner out of them.

• Maintain good relationships with friends so that it naturally gets back to them that you are 'doing well'.

5. Action Steps After the Thank-You Email

If you receive a reply to your thank-you email, proceed to the next step.
Even if there is no reply, do not panic and plan your next action.

① If you receive a reply

• Reply with a light tone: Keep the exchange short and positive, matching the other person's response.

• Deepen the conversation: After 2-3 exchanges, expand the conversation with common interests or recent topics.

• Be cautious about suggesting a meeting: Prioritize building a relationship via text for at least one month.

② If you do not receive a reply

• Contact them again after 2 weeks: Send another email with a different light topic (e.g., news about a mutual friend or an event).

• Do not give up: Even if there is no reply, it is highly likely that the other person has read it.
  Continue working on self-improvement without rushing.

6. Action Plan to Make Reconciliation a Reality

Reconciliation does not happen overnight.
The following is an example of a concrete timeline from the thank-you email to reconciliation.

1st Month: Sending the Thank-You Email and Self-Improvement

• Send the thank-you email and observe the other person's reaction.

• Share positive changes on social media.

• Start learning a new hobby or skill.

2nd to 3rd Month: Rebuilding the Relationship

• Continue light exchanges to lower the other person's guard.

• Create opportunities for natural contact through mutual friends.

• Continue self-improvement and deepen your confidence.

4th to 6th Month: Preparation for Meeting in Person

• Once conversations with the other person have stabilized, suggest a casual reunion (e.g., a group meal).

• Strive for calm communication to avoid repeating past mistakes.

7. Mindset for Successful Reconciliation

Reconciliation is not about "controlling the other person," but about "building a new relationship."
Don't forget the following mindset!

• Let go of attachment: Do not obsess over reconciliation; value yourself.

• Respect the other person's freedom: Accept the possibility that they may choose a new life.

• Do not fear failure: Even if you don't reconcile, self-improvement will be a plus for your future life.

Conclusion: A Thank-You Email is the First Step Toward Reconciliation

A "thank-you email" after a cooling-off period is a powerful tool to move your ex-partner's heart and rebuild the relationship.
By avoiding emotional reactions and taking a strategic approach based on psychology, the success rate of reconciliation will increase dramatically.
Utilize the know-how introduced in this article and try taking a small first step.

The day you can laugh with "that person" once again will surely come.