The habit of filling in the unknown with delusions.

Ads for marriage hunting consultants, mindset courses, and high-priced entrepreneurship schools are constantly appearing on my social media.

It seems that after clicking on them out of curiosity, I've been algorithmically targeted. I appear to be perfectly guided down the 'sucker's path'.

If it were the past me, I might have had faint expectations and hopes for my future self and clicked on 'first, a free online seminar'.

After taking a free online seminar, I would likely have added my own delusions to the vague talk, thought 'this seems good,' signed up for the course, and paid on the spot.

--Along with the sense of euphoria after sending a large sum of money, I would have felt like I had 'accomplished something' and been done with it.

That's how I used to spend money carelessly. But, I have never taken a marriage hunting consultant course.

I have taken them for free 'as a monitor.' I didn't like it, so I withdrew halfway through.

Partnerships like dating and marriage hunting involve 'another person,' so I don't think there is an 'absolute correct answer'.

On the other hand, in daily life, we tend to force the 'methods we think are good' onto others. If you were raised by toxic parents or in a dysfunctional family, you don't understand 'normal communication'.

My 'ex-boyfriend Gorilla,' whom I've mentioned often, and I didn't match in terms of 'preferred communication.' Even without the incident of him secretly continuing to use matching apps behind my back, just being together was a mental burden.

For me, raised by toxic parents and in a dysfunctional family, I thought his way of being, which lacked over-interference or control, meant 'he respects me'.

--However, every time we met, the emptiness only grew.

His way of being was, not respect for me, but simply indifference. He didn't have any malice; perhaps it was just a 'we are both independent, you do you' style. I am the type who wants to 'build a relationship together, as a pair.' We were fundamentally incompatible.

If you were raised without being loved, there are bugs in your initial settings, so you have no choice but to fix them yourself when you notice them.

When various things don't go well, you feel stagnation, boredom, and the anxiety that 'this won't do'.

At such times, if someone tells you 'you can do it too,' 'you can change,' or 'it's not too late to start,' you might be drawn to some mysterious course or seminar.

The organizers will 'become wealthy.' The participants will definitely reduce their bank balances. Some people take 'abundance mindset' courses and just end up reducing their savings. Since you can't measure the results of an 'abundance mindset' with numbers, you can't tell if it's effective.

Even when I felt something was off with my ex-boyfriend Gorilla, I interpreted the things I didn't understand by 'conveniently interpreting him as a good person through delusions.' It seems I was also 'conveniently interpreting through delusions' regarding courses and instructors whose actual substance I didn't know.

When your heart is weak, you tend to want to take some action out of anxiety or impatience, but you could also try to forgive yourself for doing nothing or being unable to do anything. While time just passes by, forgiving yourself for doing nothing or being unable to do anything... that is the most difficult thing, though.