My Tanabata wishes have always been about my family, but

When my two children were in elementary school, Tanabata strips were handed out every year at the children's association. The colorful strips, filled with wishes, were collected and tied to large bamboo branches, displayed outside the neighborhood community center for everyone on the street to see.
Since strips were given to every family member, my husband and I would write our wishes along with the children.
The content was always more or less the same. Just like the wishes I make at the first shrine visit of the year,

"May my family be healthy and spend our days peacefully without any trouble."

This is a wish I still sincerely and deeply hope for from the bottom of my heart.
I do hope for it. I hope for it every year, or rather, every single day.

But, I wonder if it's okay to wish for something for myself this Tanabata.

I feel a sense of guilt, but isn't it about time? My children are in their second year of high school and third year of junior high. Aren't they at an age where they can wish for things for themselves? I wonder if it's okay for me to wish for my own happiness.

"May I produce two ZINEs by next year and sell at least 50 copies of each."

I said it. This is a goal—no, a wish—that won't be achieved unless I push myself.

My eldest son developed adjustment disorder and stopped going to school. My second son continues to be a truant.
In truth, this is no time to be wishing for such things. I should be wishing for my family. For my family's happiness.

But I dare to write my own wish on the strip.
My family's happiness is my happiness.
But surely, "my happiness is my family's happiness"

Today, my husband said,

"It's a relief that Lemon has found ZINE friends, note friends, and people connected through books. That is the only salvation. I'm truly glad."

He would say something like that. Thank you.
Even though our home is in such a miserable situation right now, "I" am not in a miserable situation. That must be something to be happy about.

Reach them. Reach my children. Reach them. My happiness. My wish. The sight of me struggling as I move forward.
Reach them.

One year from now, I hope my wish comes true.
And I hope that not only I, but my whole family finds their goals and spends their days with smiles.

#TanabataTimeCapsule