#06 I want you to truly feel that "it was okay to be there."
0. Introduction
Here, I would like to write about the value of existence and the meaning of existence, with the theme of "one's own place."
The high school club where I felt I didn't belong,
the university club where I wanted to create "my own place."
What I felt and how I acted.
How I applied that to the next environment.
I hope that something in this article will be useful to you, the readers.
1. What is your own place?
[The meaning of a place]
・You can feel "it's okay to be here."
・Your individuality is respected.
・You are trusted and have a role of your own.
[Conditions for feeling the value of existence]
・Connections with others are strong.
・You are contributing to the organization.
・You are mentally stable.
2. My place, it seems I don't have one.
① Cannot become "normal"
In my high school club, I felt that I didn't have a place where I belonged.
Being technically immature and "not contributing to the organization" was one reason, but
what had an even greater impact was that I felt
"I wasn't understood by the people around me."
I was always told, "You're weird" or "I have no idea what you're thinking."
I often perceived things from a "different perspective than others" and thought about things "more complexly than others," but
even when it was pointed out that I was different from those around me,
I didn't know what to do.
"What is normal?"
"Is being different really that bad?""The majority opinion isn't always right."While harboring such frustrations,
I gradually stopped asserting "what I was thinking."
② A wall I built myself
Because I "couldn't convey my thoughts concisely," did the other person not listen to me?
Was my story "not worth listening to"?
Was it "not worth listening to"?I was afraid to talk about myself.Actually, I wanted to talk to the people around me, and I wanted to joke around and go out with them.
But I didn't know how to do that at the time, so
to avoid getting involved as much as possible,
I distanced myself.
Whether there were people around me or not,I was always lonely.
3. Actually, it was okay to be there.
① The one who was denying me was "me"
・It's my fault for "not being able to convey my thoughts to others."
・The content of what I'm thinking is wrong in the first place.
・It's my fault for "not being able to do" what those around me want.
Before being hurt by being blamed by others,
if I hurt myself, I'd be safe (the wound would be shallow).
I feel like I had that kind of thinking.
② In order to "be acknowledged"
What's important is "to have yourself known."
→ Think about what you should do for that.
(ex. I'm not good at expressing my opinions in front of a large group
→ Create opportunities to talk one-on-one by myself)
It is very reassuring to have people who know you.
How do the people around yousee you?
Know it as "concretely" as possible.
→ Which points are evaluated and which points are criticized.
Why are you thought of that way?
4. Conclusion
In my university club, I created opportunities to talk one-on-one and
made an effort to have key members (people who would become leaders in the future or people with strong influence) know my thoughts.
By taking the initiative to talk about your own thoughts, the process that led to them,
and what you want to do in the future (for yourself or your club),
you were often able to hear the other person's opinions as well.
If there is even one person who you feel "knows your thoughts,"
even if you are not good at speaking in front of a large group,
you will feel like "I'll try speaking up."
If you can do more than you could yesterday,
"that is enough."
Even if no one else notices,
I think that progress is wonderful.