[True Story] From 30 minutes to 5 minutes to get to sleep. The one blind spot in 'parental behavior' that changed everything

Hello. I am a stay-at-home mom raising a one-year-old daughter.
Today, I would like to share the story of how our family's bedtime routine changed dramatically.

The days of bedtime hell

Until a little while ago, it took over 30 minutes every night to get my daughter to sleep.
It was a cycle of holding her, patting her back, and then having her cry the moment I thought she was asleep and put her in the crib... My husband and I were exhausted every night.
“If things keep going like this, we’re going to collapse...”
Thinking that, we decided to try various things.

The mysterious 'difference from nap time'

Actually, naps were smooth sailing.
If she ate lunch at 12:00 and I put her in the living room crib around 1:30 PM, she would fall asleep immediately and sleep soundly for two and a half hours until 4:00 PM.
Yet, at night, it took over 30 minutes.
“Same crib, same living room, so why...?”
This sense of unease was the key to everything.

Things we tried, things that didn't work

• • Adjusting bath time: No change
  • Increasing milk amount: No change
  • Darkening the room: Felt like it helped a little
  • Increasing holding time: Counterproductive

Nothing we did caused a dramatic change, and I was half-ready to give up.

The 'decisive difference between day and night' I suddenly noticed

What is the difference between nap time and night time?
As I thought about that and observed, I noticed something.
“During naps, my husband and I are in the living room. But at night, after we put her to sleep, we go to the bedroom.”

My daughter was sensing that 'Mom and Dad are leaving' and was becoming anxious.

During naps, she has the peace of mind that 'Mom will be there when I wake up.' But at night, she has the anxiety of 'being left behind.' That’s why she was crying and resisting.

What is the difference between nap time and night time?

As I thought about that and observed, I noticed something.

“During naps, my husband and I are in the living room. But at night, after we put her to sleep, we go to the bedroom.”

My daughter was sensing that 'Mom and Dad are leaving' and was becoming anxious.
During naps, she has the peace of mind that 'Mom will be there when I wake up.' But at night, she has the anxiety of 'being left behind.' That’s why she was crying and resisting.

The only thing we did

So, we tried spending time in the living room for a while even after putting her to sleep.
After putting our daughter in the crib at 8:00 PM, we didn't go to the bedroom immediately, and my husband and I started spending time relaxing in the living room.

• • Keep the TV volume low ← If you turn it off completely, she becomes sensitive to small sounds, so we let her get used to ambient noise. We teach her to ignore ambient noise.
  • Dim the lights a little ← Turn them off completely when we leave the living room.
  • Talk in whispers or look at our phones as a couple

Creating an atmosphere that says 'Mom and Dad are here.' That’s all.

Result: From 30 minutes to 5 minutes!

It was incredibly effective from the very first day.

We didn't change our usual bedtime routine (5:00 PM dinner → 6:00 PM bath → 7:30 PM 240ml milk → 8:00 PM bedtime), we just changed our behavior after putting her to sleep.

Even so, once we put our daughter in the bed, she was fast asleep within 5 minutes...
She still sleeps soundly until 7:00 AM the next morning, and her night crying has decreased.

Why did it change so much?

The reason I came up with is simply the 'peace of mind that she won't be left behind.'
It’s the same as nap time. If she has the peace of mind that 'Mom and Dad are there even if I wake up,' my daughter can sleep peacefully. That was all it took.

How things are in our home now

Getting her to sleep is truly easy now.
We put our daughter to sleep at 8:00 PM and relax in the living room until around 9:00 PM. After that, we go to the bedroom too.
My husband is also surprised, saying, 'I can't believe it makes such a difference.' The stress of bedtime has decreased, and we have more time to spend calmly as a couple. Our daughter is also in a good mood and sleeps soundly until morning. Everyone is happy.

If you are struggling with bedtime

If you are also struggling with bedtime, try reviewing your own behavior after putting your child to sleep.

• • Do you go to another room immediately after putting them to sleep?
  • Is your baby feeling anxious about being left behind?

Stay in the same space for a while after putting them to sleep. Just doing that makes a world of difference in a baby's sense of security. It might change things dramatically, just like it did for our family.
Thank you for reading until the end. I hope this article is helpful to anyone struggling with bedtime.

#ParentingDiary #ChildRearing #Bedtime #ParentingHack #1YearOld #Life #ParentingWorries