My son is black, I am white. The 'mirror parenting' my closet taught me

Good evening.

Thank you for coming to read again today.

While looking at my son's closet,

I had an experience where I realized,

'Wait, isn't this just a different color version of my own struggles?'

A child's struggles,

might actually be a 'mirror of one's own struggles'.

The contents of the closet taught me that.

Even though I can somehow forgive myself, for some reason when it comes to my child,

I find myself thinking I have to do something about it.

I hope that realizing that both are actually helpless situations will be a chance for you to relax your shoulders.

Please read on at your leisure.

A brief self-introduction

This is who I am.

Thank you.

My son's problem

I have a problem regarding my second-grade son, Nohohon-niisan.

That is,

That he only wears black clothes

Whoa!!!
That's not a problem at all!!!

I can hear the retort coming, but...

There is something... that I don't like about it.

Strictly speaking, he does wear denim.

He also wears navy and dark gray from time to time.

But basically, he wears black clothes on both the top and bottom.

Of course, all year round.

So, his closet is all black.

Why he adopted the all-black style

It has been over a year since Nohohon-niisan adopted the all-black style.

It started when he began choosing his own clothes every morning, and I noticed that there were clothes he liked and clothes he rarely wore.

Even before that, I used to confirm with him, 'Will you wear this?' before buying, but

I noticed that even for clothes he said he would wear, he gradually stopped wearing them.

I have come to realize that he seems to favor black clothes.

It became clearly all black once he started elementary school and began wearing his own clothes to school every day.

Even when I ask, 'Will you wear this?', he says 'No,' and the number of clothes we buy has decreased.

And before I knew it, his closet was entirely black.

By that time, I was pointing it out, and Nohohon-niisan himself started saying, 'I like black. I only wear black.'

In conclusion, it doesn't matter what color clothes he wears.

He's a child, so he should wear clothes of all different colors!

That was my mysterious theory.

What I realized in my mother's closet

While talking with mom friends, I often say,
'Nohohon-niisan only wears black clothes...'
'He's quite a particular boy...'

If it were all red or all yellow, it would have been hard to find clothes,

and if a boy dressed entirely in red were carrying a school bag to school every day, I might be a bit startled,

but fortunately it's black, so I just think it's a bit plain (though it looks hot in the summer...)

'He has his preferences, but it's black, so I guess it's fine.'

I had started to think things like that.

However, this spring, while organizing my closet, I realized something.

My closet is,

entirely white

It was.

I actually had five white long-sleeve T-shirts!

One white shirt.

There they were.

And what's more, I wear all of them.

I can get by with white clothes almost every day of the week.

I don't like it. I am the one who doesn't like it.

Well, what do you know. This obsession is just like mine!

I felt a weight lift right off my shoulders.

After all, to my laid-back older son,

'What's the difference between this black T-shirt and that T-shirt?'

I had asked him that many times, but now I'm being asked the exact same thing.

'How is this white T-shirt different from that white T-shirt?'

But I can answer it properly, can't I?

'This fabric is a little thicker. This one has a logo. They're completely different.'

My older son was answering the same way.

'This one has a character. This one feels smooth to the touch,' and so on.

It's funny how we say the exact same things.

This is so me.

Even if someone tells me to try a different color, my eyes only ever land on white.

Even if the shape is the same, the white one just looks so much cuter.

Exactly!!

Colors are so important!!!

Really, I should just empathize with my laid-back son and say 'I know, right?', but

somehow, I don't want to.

Mine is fine, but his is not.

It's okay for me, but not for others.

My son and I have closets of different colors.

I notice immediately when someone else's closet is only one color, but

I hadn't noticed my own until recently.

Even though it must have been one color for years.

Ignoring my own situation, for over a year I've been

One color! One color!

nagging only my son about it.

Maybe, deep down, I actually wanted to wear different colors myself??

Maybe I was seeking color in the clothes my child wears because I can't do it myself?

And that mysterious phrase, 'because they're a child'

Colorful is good because they're a child

I realized that was just me completely forcing my own inability onto them.

That was when I first realized it.

Conclusion

If I feel that white long-sleeve tees are so cute that I want to own as many as possible,

then the reason my laid-back older brother wants to wear only black clothes is the same as mine.

Children have their own preferences too, after all,

and there must be colors that make them feel energetic or colors that make them feel calm.

Since I realized that,

I've been asking, 'Will you wear this black one?'
'This shirt is black, but will you wear it?'
'Which black one will you choose?'

I now choose clothes with the assumption that they will be black.

If his tastes change, I will choose accordingly then.

For clothes I like so much I want to wear them every day,

my secret weapon is buying two!

I also make sure to have spares for washing.

I just don't like it.

It's just that I don't like it, but my easygoing older son wears his favorite clothes every day and is perfectly happy.

Trying to make someone else change things that you cannot change yourself, just because they are a child,

is fundamentally impossible.

Today, too, the white-T-shirt mom and the black-T-shirt son are picking out similar clothes from the closet and wearing them happily.

What a peaceful daily life this is.