[Chibi Creative Award] Thinking About Life Choices [The Choice of That Day]

Having lived for 52 years, especially when I write articles on note, I find myself constantly looking back at my past self.
The reason is simple and clear!

Because if I think about the future, it ends up being about end-of-life planning!

What an extreme conclusion that is...
That is not the case; one can dream of a fruitful future in old age.
Like sending the children off and traveling as a couple...
However... for better or worse.

In my line of work, there is no concept of retirement.

Therefore, unless someone appears to take over the business, I will be active for life.
That is something to be very grateful for.
All of this is the current location of my life, arrived at as a result of countless choices.
If I didn't have a place to write it down like this, I would have just kept moving forward without seeing what was around me.
Advancing in school, finding employment, marriage... major turning points visit life.
Of course, it's not just that; there's school life, the daily grind as a working adult, encounters, and romance.
I have repeated choices each time.
However, I have been thinking lately.

I thought I was the one choosing, but was I actually the one being chosen?

In fact, while I may have chosen the school I went to, it was the school that chose whether to accept me.
As for employment, I may have chosen the company, but it was the company that chose whether to hire me.
Regarding romance...

I was never the one doing the choosing in the first place.
(*This is a personal opinion)

Lonely days where my self-esteem was constantly chipped away by repeated rejections, and I would tear at my hair in obsession and jealousy over the person they chose instead.
There were times when I used up all my savings, couldn't focus on work, and spent my days just wasting away.
But it's not the fault of the person who didn't choose me.

It is all my own fault for not being a person worthy of being chosen!

So, I want to make sure I never forget to be grateful to my wife, who did choose me.
Looking back like this, I realize that my current days were meant to be.
The company I used to work for ended up in a situation where bonuses weren't paid due to poor performance, and they even offered a 20% increase on retirement packages.
While that was happening, my uncle's health deteriorated, and I returned home from Tokyo, where I had lived for 12 years, to take over the business.
That brings me to the present.
Is this a life choice I made actively?
Well, there was no one else to do it, so it was something given to me, not something I built with my own talent.
Looking at it this way...

What a life of relying on good fortune I have led!

I feel truly pathetic.
However, the places I lived on the path I've taken, the friends I met, the people I cared for, and the experiences I gained.
Those are things I could only have encountered on this path.
My children, for instance, wouldn't even exist if I hadn't married my wife.
Sure, I've had experiences that made me bite my lip and writhe in agony.
But I have never ruined my health, nor have I ever been in financial distress.
I don't know true hardship, and I have tried to turn countless regrets into fuel for the next step.
Somehow...

I intended to talk about the life I didn't choose

but I am drifting further and further away from the main topic.
I do think about it sometimes.
What would have happened if I hadn't returned home and had stayed in Tokyo to pursue what I wanted to do?
I don't think it would have been a better life at all.
Because I was the typical lazy person, thinking about big things while lacking confidence, being servile, and lacking ambition.
If I could go back with my current memories, perhaps I could have been more active in pursuing what I wanted to do, rather than being on the passive side of being chosen, and lived a life of continuing to choose for myself.
Conversely...

I am a little curious about the lives of the people who didn't choose me.

And at this age, my old memories are becoming fuzzy.
The regrets of the life I didn't choose for me now...

Maybe I should have gone to Coco's instead of Komeda for lunch?

It's reached the level of things like that.

Well then.