"Why do I have to study?" To my adult self who grew to hate studying while trying to support my child's questions
I'm Ponpoko Mom, the one who gets lectured by her daughter, saying, "Mom, you're in elementary school now, so you have to do your studies. You can't be picky about them."
First half: The fantasy version - A beautiful response
When I was in the fourth grade of elementary school, I used to sit at my desk feeling sulky.
"Why do I have to study!" I'd say.
It was getting harder, and I didn't really understand the point of it anymore.
But I didn't want to admit that I was failing, so I would just scream "I hate this!" inside my heart.
Looking back, I wish I could gently hug that version of myself now.
Studying is a tool to broaden your world
So, if my daughter or son says the same thing, this is what I want to tell them: "Studying is like a tool that broadens your world a little bit. When you learn things, the world becomes a little more interesting."
Of course, you won't be able to understand everything right away, and you'll stumble sometimes.
But that's okay. It's okay to be the version of yourself that can't do it, or the version that feels sulky—it's all fine just as it is.
Supporting children's individuality
My daughter is competitive and likes to make her own decisions.
My son goes at his own pace and loves playing outside.
Both of them are sensitive, and their feelings can be swayed by the smallest things.
For children like that, I first want to create a place where they feel safe.
"It's okay, you don't have to do it today."
"It's okay to fail; Mom is right here."
Let's try taking small steps
Of course, it's also important to try things little by little.
But that's not for the sake of grades, but a step toward broadening your own world.
If you couldn't do it today, you can just try again tomorrow.
Studying isn't the only form of learning.
Cooking, helping out, or making discoveries outside—everything leads to learning.
Don't rush, go at your own pace
The important thing is not to rush and to walk at your own pace.
To be able to accept the bad days and the sulky days just as they are.
When I think that way, studying and every day life feel a little easier.
Come on, let's enjoy a little adventure together today, too.
Second half: Reality follow-up - The practical version
Now, I spoke beautifully in the first half about how "studying is interesting!" but the truth is, reality isn't that simple.
When studying gets difficult and your child screams "I don't get it!", first, take a deep breath.
There's no need to rush.
Because it's often not just about it being difficult.
They might be feeling groggy from a lack of sleep.
They might be pushing themselves even though they aren't feeling well.
They might have some anxiety or worries.
They might be pleading for their parents to pay attention to them.
Observe the environment and the child's characteristics
My children are sensitive to changes in their environment.
They can become unstable just from a combination of new school events, lessons, or minor changes in the family.
That's why it's okay to have options like "Let's stop for today" or "Let's take a break."
Reflect on how the family and the parents themselves interact
There are things parents themselves should reflect on, too.
Do my husband and I praise or blame them based on their scores?
Are we only telling them to "study" or "help out"?
How is the relationship between us as a couple and the atmosphere at home?
Are we respecting our children as individual human beings?
If the foundation of the home isn't stable, no matter how hard they try to study, children cannot feel secure.
Consider how to teach and when to seek advice
Can this be solved within the family?
Should I consult with their teacher?
Should we utilize tutoring or support services?
When they stumble, fall, or want to cry—
The "ability to stand back up" and the "ability to ask for help" are just as important as studying.
Things more important than studying
More important than calculations on a desk is the ability to stand back up when you fall.
The ability to ask for help when you are in trouble.
The spirit to take on challenges.
Parents should provide an environment where they can acquire these things little by little.
There is no need to rush. You don't have to try to do everything perfectly.
Slowly, in due time.
If children and parents can grow together like that, that is enough.
To the adult who grew to hate studying (that's me)
Every year, I regret that I should have studied more. I underestimated the absorption and processing power of a young brain.
I will write this here as a reminder to myself.
The benefits of studying
It becomes a weapon when you are in trouble
When you find yourself thinking, "What should I do? I don't understand...", having basic knowledge and thinking skills helps.
Knowing versus not knowing makes a huge difference in your ability to respond when the time comes.
If you don't remember anything, you won't have a clue—gain the power to survive!Insurance to avoid being taken advantage of
If you don't know about things like taxes, contracts, and medical systems, you can be deceived.
Studying is the minimum shield to prevent being someone's sucker.
If you go through life thinking "it'll be fine" without even holding a shield, you will occasionally have a painful experience.Broadens your perspective
It becomes a trigger to learn about worlds you didn't know.
Sometimes, there are moments where you think, "Oh, I never thought of it that way."
But if you aren't interested, this just becomes an eternal penance at your desk.Leads to self-confidence
The feeling of "I get it!" is a pleasure.
Even with small achievements, it feels like my brain is growing.
However, if you have no intention of remembering, it just becomes a loop of "I don't get it! I hate this!" Oh boy.
The downsides of studying
It takes time and is a hassle
Basically, this is it.
It is truly painful to sacrifice time for play or sleep unless you are convinced of its value.
And in reality, just doing it doesn't mean your life will change dramatically.Losing confidence when you stumble
When you hit a difficult problem, a feeling of "I'm no good" wells up.
This emotion becomes the biggest cause of adults who hate studying.
No, if I think about it, even as an adult, those feelings from back then still remain.Fields you aren't interested in are painful
Things like social rules or history are literally hell if you have no interest in them.
There may be fields that end up being useless in your life.It becomes stressful depending on how you do it
If you force yourself to cram too much, it's just mental torture.
When the expectations of parents or teachers and the pressure of being compared to others are added, you end up hating studying itself.
This is why some people end up thinking "studying is meaningless."
Life is studying until you die
Life is studying until you die; that is a phrase my father always used to say.
Even after graduating from school or retiring, studying continues every day.
Especially psychology, child development, home economics, sociology, anthropology, and economics,
and there are still many more.
Because it is directly linked to my life, my motivation is different, and I have finally come to think that studying is fun.
I realized that there is more to studying than just doing it at school or at a desk.
My self-affirmation has skyrocketed.
Alright, with this, even if my daughters ask me "Why do I have to study?", I should be able to answer calmly!