Requiem

Today marks exactly 30 years since the Great Hanshin-Awaji Earthquake, and the Luminarie will be held from January 24th to February 2nd.
I always have mixed feelings whenever this "Luminarie" begins.

Kobe was enveloped in true darkness 30 years ago today, or strictly speaking, at 5:46 AM on January 17th.
Those who lived in the disaster area on that day experienced a lifetime's worth of terror. Today, while looking at Instagram, I found an interesting post. It was from a chief priest I am usually indebted to; that temple is located in Hyogo Ward, an area that suffered severe damage.

Reading this article made my chest tighten.
I almost burst into tears.
It really is true; as someone whose life was spared, I truly couldn't say "it's painful."
There are still people who are suffering.
There are still people buried under piles of rubble.
My house was destroyed, but I am alive.
That is why I couldn't put into words that I was "struggling" or "in pain."
Already 30 years.
For the bereaved, it is still only 30 years.

The Luminarie, which was held immediately after the earthquake, did not have traffic regulations or walking routes like it does now, and of course, it did not require an admission fee.
The Luminarie began with the hope of mourning those who died in the earthquake and for reconstruction.
I also went to see the first Luminarie.
I felt something warm in the colorful, arch-shaped illuminations.
The final destination, a plaza called Higashi Yuenchi, was surrounded by walls of illumination, and the earthquake reconstruction donations and the UCC coffee sold in cups were memorable. However, I had been thinking since that time:

Why is it not on January 17th?
Why is it in December?

That thought remains unchanged even now.

Beautiful illuminations suitable for the Christmas season, an event typical of Kobe.
The Kyoryuchi (Foreign Settlement) is beautiful even without them.
Once Halloween ends, the Kyoryuchi is instantly filled with the colors of Christmas 🎄.

But the theme of the Luminarie is

Requiem
Kobe's reconstruction

supposedly.

Thinking of the terror of those who were enveloped in true darkness that day and could not move, I have always felt that the Luminarie should be held on January 17th.
If someone says it is a completely different thing and that it has a meaning of mourning but is an event, I have nothing to say.

The younger generation born after 2000 has no memory or experience of the earthquake.
For the parents of that younger generation, it might only be a memory from their childhood.
After 30 years, the memories of the Great Hanshin-Awaji Earthquake are gradually fading.
That is also inevitable.

I don't expect people to understand.
I don't want people to experience it either.
If possible, I don't want anyone to go through such an ordeal.

However, there are times when people cannot say they are sad even when they are, and times when they cannot say they are in pain even when they are suffering.
No matter how much I am suffering, I don't want to forget the feeling of "Is there anything I can do? What should I do?"
On that day of the earthquake, I was at an evacuation center, but after 2-3 days, my husband said we should go to his sister's place in Osaka, and we started walking on the battered roads.
I couldn't think of anything and couldn't see anything.
Occasionally, fire trucks I had never seen before passed by.
I remember vaguely thinking, "Hiroshima, Kanagawa, Tokyo... everyone is coming from far away for Kobe."
My husband said we should walk along the train tracks, as it would be a shortcut, so we walked on the tracks.
Conversely, there were people heading from Osaka to Kobe, and we received water and rice balls from people we passed, receiving charity from complete strangers.
Did I thank them? I realize now that I didn't even ask their names; I wish I had.
It was very cold.
I was frightened by the sirens of fire trucks and ambulances carried on the wind.

Since COVID, events that were held regularly in Kobe have changed one after another.
The Minato Kobe Fireworks Festival is now held for only 10 minutes on a weekend, and although the Luminarie was held in early December, it took four years to resume in January 2024.
It seems it will be held for 10 days starting January 24th this year.
I heard an admission fee of 1,000 yen is required.

After 30 years, I feel that the Luminarie is completely considered a winter event in Kobe, and its original meaning is fading.
I don't intend to speak ill of the Luminarie, and I think events that entertain many people are important.

However, even now, I wish the Luminarie would shine in the sky that was enveloped in darkness on this day, January 17th.

For those who could not cry even when they wanted to,
for those who could not say they were in pain even when it was hard,
I wanted their feelings—the sorrow they held inside so deeply they couldn't even put it into words—to be wrapped in light.

That is what I find myself thinking.

I apologize if anyone felt offended by reading this🙏