You can't go back to before you knew. I know that, but this is my last struggle. [10-minute note]

I was told point-blank.

That I'm not suited for my profession.

When I was told that, honestly, I couldn't say a word in my defense...

It's true.

Even with the qualifications, I still feel my own limitations.

Surely...
I think I've actually known for a long time, and I've just been keeping a tight lid on it so I wouldn't have to see it.

*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*

Actually, I wrote the beginning of this article a month ago.

But at the time, I couldn't finish writing it, so I left it sleeping in my drafts.

The reason I couldn't finish it was,
perhaps... I still wanted to cling to my past self.
I just couldn't bring myself to throw away everything I had built up.

I was working on the remaining tasks like it was homework for winter break.

As I worked through them, I felt like something in my body was aching...
And every time I finished a task, I felt a wave of exhaustion and sleepiness wash over me...

Gradually, it became hard to even sit in my chair, so I left my desk, got into the kotatsu, and lay down.

How honest the body is.

I thought that perhaps this is how I should perceive this situation.

This is a new type of frustration for me, one I have never experienced before.

However, now that I have realized this,
I can no longer go back to before I knew.

Even if the future doesn't go well,
just for now...
I want to be allowed to dream a bright dream.

Wishing for that, I decided to follow the message sent by my body, close my eyes, and take a nap.

.....

That is all,
reporting from the scene, here is a glimpse of RaM's weekday afternoon off.