#39 Realizing Your Unconscious Personal Rules

[Protect your own mind and body yourself]
I'm rako, your self-care coach!
Today, we're talking about mental health.

Now, when do you feel "anger" welling up inside you?What kind of situations trigger it?

・I have so much work to do, yet no one helps me.
・I'm exhausted from childcare and housework, yet my husband doesn't understand.
・I'm old and my knees hurt, yet young people are playing on their phones and won't give up their seats.

Have you ever felt things like this?

In these examples:
・If someone is doing a huge amount of work, those around them should "sense it" and help.
・If a wife is exhausted from childcare and housework, her husband should "sense it" and help.
・If an elderly person is standing, young people should "sense it" and give up their seat.

These are,the "rules of the person thinking this"so to speak.

I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Wait? Isn't that just 'common sense in society'? Isn't it obvious that people should do that?" (Well, personally, I would love for everyone to do all of those things, but still... (^^; )

Conversely, have you ever had someone in your family or at work suddenly get angry at you, and you thought,
"Huh? Why are you angry??"
And when you asked for the reason, they said something like,
"Isn't it a bit much to get angry over 'something like that'?"

Everyone has their own unconscious "personal rules."

These are your own "rules for living" that have accumulated in an unconscious area,based on the environment you've lived in and the events that have occurred up until now.

And these rules are different for everyone.

No one is wrong, and no one is right.
There is no such thing as "absolute."
(Except, of course, in cases where the law is broken.)

So, when you find yourself overwhelmed by negative emotions, try asking yourself,
"Why do I think that way?"
and keep questioning it to explore what your unconscious personal rules might be.

For example, in the first case:

・I have so much work, yet no one helps me.
→ If someone has a lot of work, you should help them even if you aren't asked.
→ It is not allowed to ask for help yourself.
→ If you ask for help, it means you are 'incompetent,' and your value decreases.
→ Admitting you 'cannot do it' and asking others for help is 'evil'.

…Something like that, perhaps.

And, once you somehow notice that root cause, give yourself permission to 'rewrite' it!

'No human is perfect. Asking someone who can do it for help when you cannot handle it yourself does not lower your value! It's okay!'

Or something like that.

When you do that, you'll start to feel, 'Oh, I don't have to try this hard; it's okay to just be myself!'

…I'm writing this, but I am also someone who has a 'habit of trying too hard alone,' so I am saying this to myself as well (^^;.

Conversely, in the 'Why are you angry?' case, since your rules are different, don't force a fight (listen to them, stay calm, and if there is room to compromise, that's fine, but you cannot change others, and there is no need to force yourself to conform), just think, 'Oh, that's this person's rule.' Keep your distance and cherish your own life.

By realizing your unconscious personal rules, I believe you will be able to view yourself from a broader perspective and let go of excessive anger and anxiety.

Thank you for reading!