#19 "What You Love" Is Your Savior

In this article, I will write about my experience overcoming adjustment disorder. I wrote about my experience of developing adjustment disorder in the following article.
I would appreciate it if you could read it.

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When you have adjustment disorder, you become lethargic about everything.
Opening the curtains, getting out of bed, turning on the PC, touching your smartphone—everything becomes a chore.
And, your mind keeps blaming you.

"Your colleagues are still working, so why are you sleeping?"
"I thought I worked hard on my job hunting, but it was just a facade after all."
"Don't just keep resting, think about returning to work."
"You can't do anything, you're a hopeless person."

I have to do something!!
I have to return as soon as possible!!
Dragging my heavy body, I thought about what I could do.
The only thing that seemed possible was reading.

Stories as a signal of recovery

The book I picked up was Nahoko Uehashi's "Moribito: Guardian of the Spirit". My recovery began after I opened this favorite book I had read in my student days.

At first, I reminisced about the past, thinking, "Those student days when I read this were fun," and felt depressed comparing it to my painful present.
However, as I was gradually drawn into the story, positive words began to surface in my heart.

It's interesting. I want to read it.

The Moribito series has 10 main volumes.
Even though I had read it once, I was curious about what would happen next and just kept reading.
By the time I finished the third volume, "Guardian of the Dream," I was naturally able to get out of bed and bathe in the sunlight.
And by the time I finished the fifth volume, "Guardian of the God," I had started to crave a place where there were books.

Staying at home only makes me blame myself. Let's go outside.
The place I headed to was the library.

The library as a power spot

I had been going to the library since I was a student.
Sometimes it was a reading room, sometimes a study room, sometimes a shelter.
It was a place that always made me feel safe.
And, for me, suffering from adjustment disorder, it was a power spot.

In a space with bookshelves, I read books and write down my impressions or things that come to mind.
Just doing that, I felt a sense of moisture returning to my withered heart.
Of course, that didn't mean I stopped blaming myself.

However, I became able to think about doing what I could.

Deciding to resign based on a friend's words

When you have adjustment disorder, it feels like the world is wrapped in mist.
As I started reading books and going to the library, I felt that mist gradually clearing.

When this mist clears completely, should I return to the workplace?

I was lost.
Of course, considering my life and money, returning is the best thing to do.
But what if I get adjustment disorder again...?
Since I would be returning to the same company, that possibility is more than enough.
While I was agonizing over it, I gathered my courage and decided to consult two of my best friends.
I thought they would worry with me.
However, they didn't worry at all.

"Run away quickly! Quit right now!
There are plenty of other jobs you can do!
But there is only one of you!"

We were talking on a group call at the time, but when I asked them about it later, they said my voice was clearly that of a sick person.
No energy, a dark tone. You could tell I was suffering from something just by my voice.
Even though my condition had improved a little, that was how much adjustment disorder was eating away at my body and mind.

However, their words helped me make up my mind.
Quitting a job shortly after starting. It would leave a mark on my resume.
But more than that,it is riskier to leave a mark on my own heart.

That evening, I conveyed my intention to resign to the company.

Reunion with the library

In my experience with adjustment disorder, there is one more benefactor.
That is a psychology professor who helped me during my university days.
I told that professor everything about how I wasn't doing well at work and that I was suffering from adjustment disorder.
I also told them that if possible, I wanted to work in a job involving books next.

"I have an acquaintance who works as a librarian."

That was how I was introduced to the library outsourcing company I am still with today.
Since it's non-regular employment, the pay is low, and weekends off aren't guaranteed.
Even with those conditions, I jumped at it without a second thought.
I instinctively felt, "This is it."

That feeling was correct.
Now, I spend my days as the person in charge of the library.

"Like" is the key to overcoming it

Generally, to overcome adjustment disorder, it is suggested to distance yourself from or avoid the source of stress.
In terms of work, that meanstaking a leave of absence or transferring.
I ended up taking a leave of absence, but I think these things are not easy to do and are difficult to decide on.
I just hope for a society where people can work with peace of mind even if they suffer from adjustment disorder.

The keys to me overcoming adjustment disorder were the following three things:
The world of stories, reliable people, and the library.
What they all have in common is that they arethings I like" or "things I love".

Sources of stress are not just the workplace or the people there.
The "self that blames oneself" inside your head is also a source of stress.

"Things I like" and "things I love" seal away that "self that blames oneself" and drive it out of your head.
The reason I wrote in a past article that "things you like might save you someday" was because of this experience.

So now,if you have things you like, places you like, or people you like, you should cherish them thoroughly.
Because someday, they should save you.

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Thank you very much for reading this long text to the end.
Although I have omitted some parts, I have written about my experience with adjustment disorder.

What I like about my note is that instead of a "Like," you can give the author a"Suki" (Love/Like). Personally, I prefer being told "Suki" rather than "Like."
I hope my "Suki" brings joy to someone, so I press "Suki" after reading articles.
I am also saved by the "Suki" from everyone.
Thank you very much.