#209 Thank You, HSP

I wanted to fix my sensitivity and my vulnerability.
Because those traits made my self-denial stronger and made living life painful.

What I thought were flaws are now widely known by the name HSP.
I think many people remember feeling a sense of relief, or a sense of comfort, or the joy of realizing who they were when they first learned about the existence of HSP.

In a way, I am one of those people.
When I first learned about HSP, there was certainly a sense of comfort in knowing that I wasn't alone.

But in the end, the fact remains that I am tormented by this temperament.
So for a while, Iresented myself for having the temperament of an HSP.

Why did I have to draw the one-in-five?

The HSP checklist that many people have likely seen by now.
I also fit the criteria perfectly, and that is how I learned I had the HSP temperament.

The struggle of reacting too sensitively to changes in others' expressions and tones of voice, leading to mental exhaustion.
Because of that, I am very vulnerable to environmental changes, and I have experienced adjustment disorder twice.

I see, so this was the cause.
I'm not the only one suffering from this kind of temperament.
More than that sense of comfort,the resentment of having drawn that one-in-five chance was stronger.

Why did I have to draw such a low probability?
The reason living is so hard is because I have this temperament.

Resentment and hatred toward HSP, and self-loathing for having those feelings.
For a while, I could not accept the temperament I thought was a flaw—
I could not accept myself for being an HSP.

If only I weren't an HSP.

However, I am finally able to accept the HSP temperament now.

Three years ago, I resumed the creative activities I hadn't done since my student days.
Recently, I have been posting articles daily on note.
I am convinced that it is thanks to this temperament that I am able to engage in creative activities.
Now that I am dedicated to writing, I am actually grateful for the HSP temperament.

Even in casual conversations with colleagues,I can gain insights thanks to my sensitive temperament.
I have been able to expand on that and nowsublimate it into novels and essays.

While waiting at the hospital, most people look at their phones or zone out, not paying much attention to their surroundings.
Butthanks to being sensitive to my surroundings, I was able to feel the kindness of an elderly couple in the same waiting room.
And I was able to turn that into an article on note.

The articles I have written on note so far arethe crystallized products of my HSP temperament.
Therefore, I shudder to think what would happen if I didn't have the HSP temperament now.
If I didn't have this temperament, I surely wouldn't have encountered note, and I wouldn't have been able to experience the joy of writing, creating, conveying, and being understood.

When I look at note, I see many people who have the HSP temperament.
It means that many people are using the strengths of that temperament to write articles.
At that moment, I was finally able to truly feel the sense of comfort that I wasn't alone.