#71 Others are others, we are us

This is from when I was in kindergarten.
At the time, the Super Famicom was popular, and I often got to play it at my friends' houses.
It was the great Nintendo. There was no way it wouldn't be fun.
Naturally, a child would think like this.

I want to play with Mario and Kirby at home too...

I begged my mother to buy me a Super Famicom with all my might.
However, my mother did not agree.
"Why!? All my friends have one!"
That is what I was told when I pleaded like that.

Others are others, we are us.

And so, I never got my hands on a Super Famicom.
And then, Icame to hate this phrase.
I remember crying my eyes out as if it were the end of the world.

However, as I grew into an adult, that feeling of disgust has faded.
Rather,I have recently come to think that this phrase might be a very important spell for living a better life.I think so now.

The cause of being influenced by others

As I wrote in a previous article, I am not good with tense atmospheres.
And I am also very easily influenced by other people's moods.
When I see someone like that, I become self-conscious and think things like this.

Did I do something wrong?...
Is it my fault that the atmosphere has become so tense?...

Although I think this way, I usually haven't done anything to that person.
They are simply busy with work, or they are just irritated for some reason.
In other words,the tension in the workplace and that person's bad mood are not caused by me.
They are allproblems that only that person has.

Even so, why do I get influenced by that person?
Why am I overcome with guilt even though I haven't done anything?

I realized that it is becauseI have not drawn a boundary line between myself and others.

Without boundaries, the heart gets tired easily

One of the terms that always comes up when learning about HSP or adult children.

--Boundaries.

Emotions and moods should be different for oneself and others.
However,when the boundary between oneself and others becomes blurred, one ends up taking on other people's emotions and moods as if they were one's own.

I was unable to draw a boundary line with others.

In particular, I tend to feel other people's negative emotions as if they were my own.
Therefore, I would absorb other people's anxiety, anger, irritation, and tension, and end up feeling anxious or irritated myself.

There are many people around me.
If I were to absorb the emotions and moods of multiple people, it is inevitable that I would get tired.

However, even when told to "draw a boundary line," I didn't know how to do it.
Is there some kind of magic... some kind of spell to draw a boundary line?

That was when I remembereda memory from when I was in kindergarten.

The spell to draw a boundary line

My boss is irritated. They are grumbling and complaining...
My senior colleague has a grumpy look on their face. They are giving off an 'aura' that says 'don't talk to me'.

Is it my fault?...

When I feel anxious like that, if I haven't done anything in particular, I chant to myself.

Others are others, we are us.

The fact that my boss is irritated and complaining is
a problem belonging to the 'others'—my boss.

The fact that my senior colleague is grumpy and doesn't want to be spoken to is
a problem belonging to the 'others'—my senior colleague.

If I were to speak to them at that moment and
they said sharply, 'I'm busy. Do it later,' then
that isnothing more than my boss or senior colleague taking their frustration out on me.
It is not my fault.
They are simply failing to control their emotions.

I am...
'We' are doing our work without delay, and we don't take our emotions out on others.

By chanting that spell,I was able to draw a boundary line.
Because of that, I became able to control my own emotions.

In environments like companies or schools where there are other people around, I think it is inevitable that we will be influenced by them.
Especially for sensitive people or those with a tendency toward negativity, they will likely become sensitive to the negative emotions of others, such as anger.
Even though I write this, I still get influenced by them sometimes.

However, that person's negative emotions are never my own.
When an irritated person is nearby and you start to feel anxious—
try chanting that spell.

Others are others, we are us.

I am different from others.
Other people's emotions are not my own.
It is a spell that reminds me of that.

A side note from 'us'

In the end, the first time I was able to get a game bought for me was when I was in elementary school.
It was when the great and righteous Pokémon was released.
My parents must have decided that it would be too pitiful to make me avoid the massive wave of Pokémon.
So, I owe a debt of gratitude to Pokémon.

I call Pikachu'Pika-san',and when I enter the Pokémon Center in Shibuya, I make sure to
bow to Lord Mewtwo at the entrance before going in.Of course,
only in my heart, though.