Gratitude Diary 164* I want to stop taking my medication.

I was able to rest slowly for a day. Thank you.
Thank you to my body for keeping me alive.
Thank you to my mind for thinking about so many things for me.
Thank you to my heart for feeling emotions every day and keeping me moving.
Thank you to my spirit for existing as me.
Thank you to my hands for turning my thoughts into reality.
Thank you to my feet for taking me where I want to go. Thank you to my mouth for tasting delicious food.
Thank you to my internal organs for managing absorption and excretion and maintaining my life.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to my bones, muscles, and nerves that move my body!!

2025.6.12

Good morning ☀︎

I rested for a day and have calmed down quite a bit.
I am able to spend my time calmly now, to the point where I wonder why my emotions were so heightened and why I couldn't stop crying.

And, I plan to go to work starting today.

I have been taking medication from a psychosomatic clinic for about five years now.

Triggered by a shocking event, I pushed myself too hard and lost my mental and physical balance.

At that time, I was overusing my brain, couldn't sleep at night, and couldn't even go home. As a result, I had symptoms where I tried to find meaning in visible things more than necessary and ended up thinking about impossible things.
These are what are called delusions.

To someone living a normal daily life, this might be dismissed as an abnormal delusion, but for me at the time, those delusions were real, and I was suffering within a biased and narrow worldview.

As an emergency measure, it was necessary to cool down my overactive brain by taking medication.

I do not have a formal diagnosis.
The doctor's view at the time was that I was on the verge of developing a disease said to be caused by excessive dopamine.

I didn't receive a diagnosis, and it was a situation where I had narrowly avoided developing the disease if it had progressed a little further, but since symptoms were appearing, drug treatment was started.

And, five years have passed.
Since the acute phase, my symptoms have settled down, and I am able to live my daily life.

Some might think that the symptoms are only being suppressed because I am taking medication, and that if I reduce the dosage, the symptoms will return, but I do not think so.

This is because the side effects of the medication are becoming too prominent.

The medication I am taking now is said to have few side effects, and it is considered a drug that is less likely to cause the sedation, sleepiness, or listless fatigue.

However, I have been yawning a lot lately, and I feel sleepy both at work and on my days off.
I thought I was just nervous, but I yawn even on my days off, and lately, I have also been experiencing frequent lightheadedness and dizziness.

There are times when I feel unmotivated and dazed for no reason, and when I checked each possible cause, they were all listed as side effects of the medication.

In addition, I found many things that resonated with me when I looked them up, such as decreased attention and concentration, constipation, dulled emotions, and extreme mood swings.

In other words, I suspect that the medication I am currently taking exceeds the appropriate amount for my current state, and that it might be an overdose.

I wonder if my symptoms have improved, I have calmed down, and my body is returning to its original state where I can do my best even without medication.

Therefore, I have come to want to proceed with reducing the amount of medication I am currently taking.
I will contact my doctor about this. I hope it goes well. Even if they say no, I will do it. Because it is my body. I am my own primary doctor.

Thank you for reading such a heavy topic from the morning.

May your days be filled with gentle sparkles✨

Let's meet again🌱


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