🌸Self-Introduction🌸 〜Deep Dive Version〜

Hello everyone, my name is ququ-tomy.

🌈Creator Name Change History🌈 Traces of trial and error... (lol)

At the start ▶ququ〜In the middle of a journey
1 month later ▶ququ-tomy🌸Mind Block Research Institute🌸
2 months later ▶ququ-tomy🌸Mind Block Laboratory🌸👈Currently here

👉 If you are short on time, please go to 🌻Self-Introduction🌻〜Simplified Version〜 👇!

🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘

How is everyone doing? I'm Tomy.
Thank you for taking an interest in my Note.🌈🌈🌈

I want you to get to know Tomy better,and enjoy reading my essays even more!With that in mind, I created this 🌸Self-Introduction🌸 (Deep Dive Version)!

I think the stories will be even more interesting once you know my background. So, here we go! (Is that really true? ← My inner voice talking back ( *´艸｀))

What is ququ? Origin of the name

In my 20s, I longed for the internet and bought my first home computer.In the dial-up era,I wanted to learn how to use it quickly, so I started visiting chat rooms on the homepage of the provider I was subscribed to. (That was so long ago ( ´∀｀ ))

As a beginner using only my index fingers and not remembering the keyboard layout at all,I was struggling to enter a nickname for the chat room, so I randomly typed 'Q' from the top left and 'U' from a position I could easily press with my right index finger, and 'ququ' was born by chance. (That's way too random (^^♪))

I think the provider back then was ODN.There were people who lovedsportsgathering in the chat room night after night. Despite it being a sports room, they kindly and carefully explained everything to me, a person who didn't know left from right about operating a computer. Thanks to thechats with everyone, my typing improved in the blink of an eye,and it became the beginning of me making full use of the internet to take on various challenges. (The internet is truly great! ← Shinsuke style)

As I take on the new challenge of Note, I decided to return to my roots.So,I'm starting 'ququ' once again.I look forward to your continued support for the future 'ququ'! (Please be kind to me~♪)

Also, I would like to take this opportunity to thank my friends from back then. The internet society of the 20th century was truly filled with goodwill beyond imagination. If you find me, please leave a comment! (lol) (Look how much I've grown~!)

The environment surrounding me

I became a freelancer in February 2020, and currently, I live on the edge of Pattaya, Thailand, with my Thai husband and my autistic daughter..

I think the image of Pattaya is mainly beaches, condominiums, shopping centers, resort restaurants, and nightlife districts, but we live in a completely local area on the inland side, a life far removed from a high-society cultural lifestyle (+_+))!!

It's a slow life in the countryside...

We have various fruits and vegetables planted at home, there are wild herbs growing, and we have a mother duck and her ducklings, free-range chickens, a guard dog, and puppies that are candidates for guard dogsmaking it very lively. (^_^;) I hope to share snippets of that daily life as well. (The Wi-Fi is exceptionally good~♡ even though it's the countryside ( ´∀｀ ))

The path so far

I don't have ajob title
that can express who I am. Doing what I felt was 'necessary' at the time,
I somehow ended up becoming a jack-of-all-trades. Well, if I had to say,should I call myself a 'drifter'? (Not someone who is just wandering around aimlessly (^^)) I am from Osaka and grew up in a town with a certain home appliance factory.

In my childhood, I lived a peaceful life in a row house called a 'cultural residence' that exuded a downtown atmosphere, surrounded by friendly neighbors, butperhaps because I believed in invisible things and had a knack for seeing through people's true intentions since I was old enough to understand, I realized that living had become somewhat difficult. (I don't know for sure though...)

When I became an elementary school student, I became a target for bullying, but I couldn't consult my parents, so I spent my days pretending that nothing was wrong at home. That situation continued until junior high school, and I lived while thinking,
'I want to grow up quickly.' There was a song called
'Ijin (Stranger)', and just hearing the intro would make mytear ducts loosen for some reason, that kind of child I was (*_*) (It's okay to cry!) Even in such times, I loved watching

'Trans-American Ultra Quiz', and I sincerely longed to go to'Monument Valley' and 'New York' someday.

That dream would come true later! Of course, there was no way for me back then to know that... (Well, obviously!!!)

By the time I passed through adolescence, I constantly felt an 'insurmountable gap in perception' between myself and my peers, which made me feel even more like an outsider. By high school, I spent more time working part-time jobs than at school. To make matters worse, my parents divorced and our family fell apart, leaving my mental state in a dire situation. What was the point of me living my life trying not to burden my family until now? I became
self-destructive. (Man, that was really tough~)

However, thanks to my part-time job life, I was able to distract myself from such a dark existence.

I didn't learn much from my school teachers, but I was treated kindly by adults in society, who taught me the wisdom of how to live. And so, I managed to graduate from high school with the bare minimum attendance. After that, I experienced various jobs as a freeter. It's been a life like a weed. (^^) (It's truly a miracle that I was able to graduate!)
　
Even in the midst of that, the dream of 'wanting to go abroad someday' and 'wanting to see the wide world' was always in a corner of my heart. And then, music. Bon Jovi was always there by my side, supporting me.

I never imagined back then that I would end up living in Thailand in the future! (Wow, that's really surprising~)

At crossroads in my life, mysterious encounters and events that felt like guidance, and unexpected miracles always occurred, leading me to study abroad in Canada after turning 30, travel across America, work in Cambodia, have a child at an older age, have an international marriage, and work in Thailand!

Truly, you never know what life has in store! I hope to share those stories with you someday too. (It's good to be greedy. ← Self-praise ( *´艸｀))

Psychology, Religious Studies, the Universe, and the Spiritual World

　Due to my experiences with bullying during my school days and my family falling apart, I suffered significant emotional damage, and in a desperate attempt to fill the void in my heart, I started devouring psychology books from the end of my teens.

Even when reading self-help books, I felt like they were written about events completely distant from me, and I couldn't empathize.
The problem was within me, with my low self-esteem. But back then, I hadn't yet reached the point of looking deep into myself. Perhaps my competitive nature was a blessing.

'I don't want to end it like this. I want to become a confident me someday!' I always wished for that. (If you wish for it, it will come true someday!)

Maybe that wish came true! It took a very long time, but I really love who I am now! (I'm blushing (*^-^*))

As for religious studies, it started because I became interested after meeting people of various nationalities and being influenced by the movie 'The Matrix,' which made me think, 'To understand people and cultures of the world, it is necessary to understand history' and 'it is also necessary to understand religion.' I started researching the three major religions, as well as Buddhism, Hinduism, and Shinto. Their worldviews are magnificent.

When you trace religion, you can see history. And also, the connection to the universe. (Isn't that a bit difficult???)

'Everything is connected. And, everything doesn't have that much meaning, and even what seems incomplete is perfect.' That's what I think these days. (What on earth does that mean ( ´∀｀ )

Regarding the spiritual world, various things started happening after I began living in Cambodia.
Since I couldn't speak Khmer, my senses other than language became sharper. At first, I thought it was just that my intuition had become sharper, but
I started remembering dreams I had repeatedly as a child, having precognitive dreams, and depending on the person, their past life would appear to me, and I began to experience synchronicity frequently.

Strangely, I never felt scared by that; in terms of sensation, it's closer to the feeling of somehow remembering. Perhaps the reason life became difficult when I was a child was because I couldn't get people to understand these sensations and I needed to forget them. (Maybe a slightly inconvenient life is the path to evolution~ (^_-)-☆)

The reason I write essays on Note

If you are a perceptive person who has read my self-introduction up to this point, you surely already know! (Eh~, you probably don't!)

Life really has its ups and downs, and there are times of
'periods where your heart feels like it's going to burst from painful and sad things'

as well as

'emotions of joy and gratitude that overflow and won't stop'

that come at various timings in life.

My life and yours are likely a series of such things.

But when you think about it later, they are nothing more than 'events' that happened at
the necessary timing for you. How you

'assign meaning' to them, and how you 'receive' them, is up to you.

(That's Satoru Sekigyo ( ´∀｀ ))

Since I started thinking that way, my life has become very rich. I have come to see the 'events' that happen in my casual daily life as very meaningful, and memories of painful past experiences have turned into 'events' from a different perspective, melting away from the depths of my heart. (That's a good thing, right?♪)

I will no longer blame myself. I will no longer blame others. I will no longer blame my environment.
Accept. Let go. Accept. Let go. And forgive. It is a decluttering of the heart. (^^♪

I hope to continue writing stories of realization aimed at my former, troubled self. (My future self is doing great~♪)

Thank you very much for reading until the end.

Well then, see you in the next story♪ (Thanks~)

☆Editor's Note☆彡☆彡☆彡☆彡☆彡☆彡☆彡☆彡☆彡☆彡☆彡☆彡☆彡☆彡

Hello, I'm 'ququ Tommy'. Thank you for reading until the end!

If you liked it, please press the heart mark💗 (Like), as it will encourage me in the future. Thank you very much🌈

Support is very welcome♪ Comments are very welcome♬. I'm waiting for them🌈

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I hope you all have a wonderful day💖

Grateful for this wonderful encounter🌈