What kind of mother do you remember me as?

Today is piano lesson day.
It's usually 30 minutes, but today it was 45 minutes due to the teacher's schedule.

My husband is basically in charge of drop-offs and pick-ups, but since my second daughter has karate class after her lesson, it's my job to pick up my eldest daughter.

Thinking, 'It's 45 minutes today, so...', I let my guard down and started reading notes, feeling warmed and grinning. I even wrote a comment, and when I casually looked at the clock, I realized, 'Huh!? Is it already this time!?' and noticed it was 10 minutes before the lesson ended.

It takes about 10 minutes by car from home to the piano school (assuming all traffic lights are green, though).

I won't make it...

I rushed out of the house in a panic, but I forgot my car keys.
Only at times like that, the elevator doesn't come! No, it takes way too long!! (*This is my personal experience)

Whose fault is it? Not because the note was interesting, but clearly because I had let my guard down. I decided in my heart to apologize properly to my daughter and drove the car in a hurry. (Driving safely, of course.)

Fortunately, the lesson ran a little long, and I met up perfectly with my eldest daughter just as she was coming out of the classroom. (All's well that ends well)

I apologized to my daughter in the car, saying, 'I'm sorry I was late.' Then, my daughter said to me, 'You made it, and it's not really something to apologize for, is it? You were just obsessed with notes and forgot the time, right? Did you get a 'like'?'

W-was I seen through!?
Huh? And she's even worried about the 'likes'!?

Thinking about it calmly, isn't that a bit condescending? lol

I wonder how I look to my daughter.

I wanted to ask a little, so I asked my daughters, who had been obsessed with Minecraft for a while, 'If you had to describe Mom in one kanji character, what do you think it would be?'

According to my eldest daughter, 'Love'.
According to my second daughter, 'Kindness'.

The characters 'Love' and 'Kindness' that my daughters answered are quite suspicious as to whether they are their true feelings. It was a time when they were absorbed in Minecraft, and there is a possibility that they answered randomly to continue the game. lol

Even so, being the simple person I am, I was happy, and it was more than enough words to make me feel like I could do my best for these children.

The image of a mother I 'want to be' and the existence of a mother that my daughters see are probably completely different. This is because there are days when I get emotional and angry, and there are many times when I panic and spin my wheels, and things don't go well.

On nights when I couldn't be kind to my daughters, I would whisper 'I'm sorry' in my heart while looking at their sleeping faces, and I have vowed many, many times that 'tomorrow I will change'.

I think that my angry face, my laughing voice, and days like today when I was obsessed with notes and rushed to pick them up will remain somewhere in my daughters' hearts as their image of their mother (as vividly as the things I want them to forget).

'What kind of mother I want to be' may not be something I decide, but something that my daughters will naturally decide in their lives from now on.

When my daughters grow up and happen to remember the past, the me who is in those memories is the mother for them.

Then, what am I leaving for my daughters now?
What am I conveying?

It was a day that made me think that I hope the casual words and the accumulation of small moments will turn into something in their future.

But please, idealize me a little bit.

Thank you for reading this far,
thank you very much ^^