Canon: A Counterpoint of the Man Who Learned 'Warmth' at the End of the World

[Synopsis]

"The world will end in ten years."

Triggered by the prophecy of a mysterious old man, 'The Great God,' who appeared in his dreams, the life of a man approaching sixty—who had lost his 'warmth' after marriage, illness, and mental struggles—begins to stir.

Appearing before him are a bus passenger, a counselor, and a woman from the nightlife district.
Like a counterpoint melody, 'Canon' appears, changing her form.

Through his encounters with her, the man regains the love and joy of living he had forgotten, but he loses himself between the lines of paid and selfless love, hurting many people in the process.

Eventually, after meeting a dog, the man comes to face the bond with his wife, with whom he has walked for many years.
Chasing, overlapping, and resonating—
Just like a Canon...

A story of paid and selfless love, loss, and rebirth, set against the backdrop of an ending world.

'Prelude'

"A canon is a musical technique where one melody
chases another at a delayed interval,
eventually overlapping and resonating together."

—From 'Collected Fragments of Early Music Theory'

'First Movement: What Was Lost'

"The world will end in ten years."
"How do you intend to live, my boy?"

My vision blurred.
My fingertips instantly lost all sensation.

Because it's ten years away?

That's not it.

It's because it's *only* ten years away.

Nothing wells up inside me.
No anxiety, no fear, no impatience.

The warmth that should be there,
is nowhere to be found.

Even though the end of the world hasn't come yet,
my inner self had already,
quietly stopped.

All that was certain,
was the gaping hole left behind.

Sometimes, an old man appears in my dreams.

He has a white beard reaching his chest and a head that reflects the moonlight.
He has the presence of an ancient statue.

He appeared in my dream again tonight.

The old man says, "Hmm," and snaps his fingers.
Then, profound orchestral music begins to play, repainting the air around us.
It is the suite 'The Planets'.

I call this old man 'The Great God.'
Ever since we first met, he has felt strangely familiar.

The Great God occasionally appears in my dreams,
digging up 'something' from the depths of my heart.

Now, in response to today's question—

"Great God?"
"What do you mean by this world ending?"

"Literally. Humanity will perish, and everything will vanish."

"In other words, me too, then."

"Indeed. Most people would be flustered to hear this... but I do not sense any 'heat' in you."

"..."
That word had been worn away over the course of my life, leaving not even a fragment behind.

The Great God stared at me as if looking at something strange, but suddenly came to their senses and urged me to answer the question.

"Please give me some time to think."

At that moment, the alarm clock rang out.

That day, I spent my time in my usual routine.

Working in a dead-end job, I sat at my desk just before the start of the workday.
I stared at sepia-toned documents, letting only the hands of the clock move forward.
As soon as the closing bell rang, I avoided people's eyes and headed home.

My connection with my family was also thin.

I only exchanged voicemails with my elderly mother.
My children only sent me LINE messages when they wanted money.

My wife and I both worked, and our lives barely crossed paths.
Our greetings were, as a rule, just a single word.
On trash days, the number of imperative instructions increased.
Depending on my actions and my wife's mood, there would be one or two more complaints.

Living was a bother.

Until just recently—

That night, when I went to bed, I felt the presence of the Great God again.

"Shall I hear your answer?"
The Great God leaned forward slightly.

I had them change the background music to 'Nessun Dorma.' The Great God looked dissatisfied, but...

The sweet, sorrowful melody tugged at my heart.

"...Love. I want to experience a love that burns like an opera!"

For a moment, the Great God's breathing faltered.
But they immediately returned to their usual expression and urged me to continue.

"My life was insignificant."
"I was diagnosed with cancer at fifty, my heart broke, and I lost all my 'heat.'
I was ready to end my life at any time."


At this point, my consciousness turned toward the background music for a moment.

"That was when it happened. When I met that person..."

"On an ordinary morning, on the bus to work, a woman is staring at me. Brown curly hair and dignified features.
She peers into my face with large, round eyes,

'Are you okay?'

she asks with concern. Her voice is slightly raspy, and her smile holds a shade that could be either kindness or sorrow.

However, her next words were,

'You look like you don't want to go to work!'

I couldn't help but tighten my grip on the strap.
But for some reason, I couldn't look away.
Was it because a breeze had suddenly blown through my closed-off heart?

Ever since then, my eyes have been unconsciously chasing after her."

"One day, something like this happened."

On a snowy morning,
when I was walking to work,

I spotted a back wearing long boots,
and I started running.

She turns around.
A gray stole
swayed softly at her neck.

'Good morning!'
Her raspy voice and white breath burst out.

'Good morning!'
I caught up to her.

Seeing me out of breath,
'You're surprisingly young to be running!' she said.

'Hmph, look who's talking!'

We walked side by side,
carving footprints into the fresh snow.
Savoring the crunching sensation.

Suddenly, she takes my hand.
Something is transmitted through our gloves.
I try not to let it go.

Before I knew it,
I had passed my office.

When I asked later,
she had long since passed hers, too.

That day, both of us
played hooky.

"To think I'd end up like this at my age..."
"But if this happiness could last, I would have no regrets left!"

Behind me, the tenor sang the climax loudly, and my emotions reached their peak as well.

The Great God asked after listening to the end of the story.
"Even if the world were to end?"

"Yes, even if the world were to end!"

Here, the alarm clock rang again, and I slowly opened my eyes.

Beside me, my wife was still breathing in her sleep.

I tried holding the hand in front of me.
My wife didn't notice a thing.

The small nails, fingers, and palms I know so well.
Traces of blood flowing beneath white, translucent skin.
The ring on her ring finger, too...
The matching one we exchanged that day, looking so shy.

It's just as it was in the past.

But I can't grasp it.
It had changed before I knew it.

"Ah, it's different. Today, too..."
I muttered that and let out a sigh.

Then, my wife's fingers moved slightly, and she said, sounding grumpy,
"Good morning..."

I let go of her hand instinctively.

And without even answering, I snuck out of bed as if to escape.

"Second Movement: Melody of Awakening"

That morning, when I turned on the TV, the election results of a major power were being reported, casting an ominous shadow. They said it would also affect the global economy.
I thought of the foreign currency savings I kept secret from my wife and frowned while gulping down my ochazuke.

However, since it was the day of my counseling appointment, I turned off the TV and got ready to go out.

As I was leaving the house, my wife stopped cleaning and asked.

"Where are you going?"

I said, sounding a bit annoyed,
"Just for a walk."
I said that one thing and quickly closed the door.

Only the nondescript color of her old apron remained in my field of vision.

My wife still doesn't know that I'm seeing a psychiatrist...

When I left the house, the air in the city was dry.

The waiting room was deathly quiet, with a few patients waiting with lifeless faces.
The familiar crack on the wall seemed to want to say, "You're here again?"

After waiting for a while, my name was called in a voice that sounded somewhat familiar.
Feeling puzzled, I entered the room and dropped my bag in surprise.

The woman from that bus was sitting there.
And as a counselor, no less!

Seeing me standing there, unable to grasp the situation and looking flustered,

"What's wrong? You're different from usual, aren't you?"
The doctor smiled as if nothing were out of the ordinary.

"I-I'm fine."
I said, looking down, and somehow managed to move my tangled tongue.

The gently curling hair and dignified features I saw on the bus.
Sitting there as a counselor, she looked more mature than before, but the soft light in the depths of her eyes was the same as that day.

Is it really her?
Or—

After some small talk, the counseling began.
I was moved by the doctor, who picked up on the depths of my heart while being considerate of her restless patient.

The doctor says,
"You've always chosen only the 'correct' answers for someone else's sake, haven't you?"
"But that must have been... incredibly painful, right?"
"It's okay to forgive yourself now."

A single tear fell.

I immediately looked down, but the doctor handed me a handkerchief and said,
"It's okay. You can cry when you want to cry."
She stayed by my side.

Before I knew it, I was shamelessly soaking the doctor's handkerchief.
Only my voice echoed in the silent room.

And so, the counseling session passed, and it ended with my next appointment set for a month later.

“See you again next month!”

Staring at the door as it closed quietly, I couldn't bring myself to leave the spot for a while.

When I returned home, the slippers I had kicked off in the entryway were neatly lined up.
My wife's face crossed my mind, but I retreated into my room without even saying I was home.

The reason why the doctor and my loved one had swapped places didn't matter to me.

I stared at next month's calendar.
That day felt so far away.

A few nights later, the Great God appeared.

“You seem restless lately, don't you?”

“Yes, I am...”

“You don't need to say the rest.”

“Then, what about the woman who suddenly swapped places with the counselor?”

“Ah, I know. Human encounters are just a matter of which way the wind blows.”
“Thanks to that, your wish was granted, so what are you so worried about?”

I answered without a moment's hesitation.

“I want to see the doctor right now. But I'm also looking forward to the next appointment...”
“Can't you do something about it?”

“Hmm, it's not impossible, but...”

The moment the Great God stroked his beard, the alarm clock rang.


Upon waking, my wife's sleeping face came into view.

I tried to touch my wife's finger, but my hand suddenly stopped. Her closed eyelids seemed to reproach me just a little.

I quietly pulled back my stiffening fingers, turned my back to my wife, and closed my eyes.

For a while after that, nights where I couldn't see the doctor piled up.

At the edges of the world, ominous shadows were deepening.
Crowds and police forces were clashing.
Short videos, indistinguishable as truth or fiction, played over and over, casting anxiety and confusion upon me.
That desolation felt somewhat similar to the cracks deep within my heart.

Eventually, the day of the counseling session arrived.

I arrived at the hospital early.
As I watched the hands of the clock to calm my noisy heartbeat and saw off a few patients, it became my turn.

"Hello!"

When I entered the room with a voice so vibrant it surprised even me, the person there was a teacher I didn't know.
And what's more, an old man with a bald head...

During the counseling session, I was absentmindedly tracing the marks of thumbtacks on the wall with my eyes.
The movement of the clock was unexpectedly slow.

At the end of the counseling, I was given homework.
"Try doing something you've kept sealed away until now."

Though my mind was elsewhere, only the homework left a strange impression on me.

That night, I drank alcohol for the first time in several years.
The long-awaited drink was stronger than I expected, and before I knew it, I was drawn into sleep.

"You there, you!"
I could hear the voice of the Great God from somewhere far away.

"Hey, wake up!"

I noticed the Great God's voice and woke up.

Then, the Great God said, as if exasperated,
"I told you to break the seal, but you drank too much."

"Eh, that was today's..."

To the dazed me, the Great God said sharply,
"You, have you still not realized it?"

"Ah, excuse me."
"But what was that?"
"Give me back my teacher!"

The background music played fiercely.

"Don't be so angry."
"Your wish is already in motion."

"Eh?"

"You don't have to limit it to once a month; you can meet anytime."

"Then, counseling every day?"

"That's not it."
"You remember, don't you? 'Try doing something you've kept sealed away.'"

"But, what on earth should I start unsealing?"
As I was at a loss,

"You should just solve them one by one!"

I was shoved hard in the back and woke up.

Third Movement: Canon of Phantoms

The next morning, the television was filled with reports of a major power invading its neighbor.
Collapsed buildings, wounded civilians, crying children—
It felt as if the scent of dust and blood was drifting from the other side of the screen.
As I stared at the collapse of a distant foreign land, I felt as though something in my own life had begun to crumble.

"Ten more years..."

My wife turned off the TV in silence.

From that day on, I couldn't go straight home.
I would buy alcohol and snacks at a convenience store and drink them secretly in my room.
Before I knew it, I was taking back the things I had locked away, one by one.
My life was quietly falling toward a future with no bottom in sight.

One night, I went to my favorite small restaurant for the first time in a while. It had been several years since my cancer surgery.

My wife called out to me as I was leaving.
"Are you going to be alright?"

"I'm fine."
I answered a bit brusquely and left the house.

My wife's worried voice drifted into the night air, but I didn't stop walking.


After having a few drinks at the restaurant, I hopped over to the bar next door.

When I entered the shop, I gasped at how much the interior had changed.
The mirrored walls reflected the lights with a dazzling glare.

My own figure was reflected back.
In the wrinkles on my face and the bony backs of my hands, I saw someone I knew well, yet for some reason, couldn't quite place.

Before long, the proprietress came out from the back of the shop.
"Oh my, what a rare guest we have today!"

I was guided to a seat while listening to her voice, which carried a hint of irony.

"I heard you had a rough time. You look like you've lost weight, too."
The proprietress said with concern as she brought out a plate of hors d'oeuvres.

"Oh, that's right!"
"There's someone I want to introduce to you! This is your first time meeting her, right?"
With that, the proprietress brought over a young woman.

At that moment, my fingers holding the glass involuntarily loosened.

"Teach...er?"

The words that left my mouth failed to take full shape.

A woman standing there, draped in a crimson dress.
Her dark lipstick and the scent she wore stimulated me mercilessly.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Canon."
Her brownish curls swayed by her ears.

There was no mistaking her face or her voice.
It was the same.
As the girl I met on the bus.
As the teacher I faced during counseling.

That shouldn't be possible, and yet...


Canon, sitting before me, didn't even seem to notice my agitation as she sat down next to me.

Her large eyes, looking up at me, were just as they had been before.
Only, in those eyes, there was a calculated allure, different from the softness she had shown on the bus or in the examination room.

After chatting for a while,
"I know everything about you."

Canon said this with a smile, and as if we had always been together, she guessed one thing after another about me.

I wiped my face with the handkerchief in my pocket.

"Oh, what a lovely handkerchief!"
"But, is it a woman's?"
Canon said this with a suggestive tone, as if she knew something.

That's right.
I had borrowed this handkerchief during a counseling session with my doctor.

"I'll give it to you."
I whispered in a voice too quiet to be heard.

"Oh, really?"
With that, Canon tucked it away into her pouch as if it were precious.


The conversation with Canon made the clock hands spin faster, and before I knew it, I had been downing glasses until closing time.
In the end, despite my agitation, Canon never once showed the confusion one would expect from a first meeting.

"Come back again!"
Canon smiled brightly as she saw me out.
However, when the shop door closed, the face I glimpsed through the narrow gap had already lost all expression.

Even after that day, I went to see Canon frequently.

The outline of the "something" that Canon wore matched, cruelly, what I had once held in my own hands.
Every time my hand touched hers, a forgotten sensation would revive.
The sensation of that hand I used to hold gently while walking beside my wife...

One day, when I went to the shop, Canon seemed different than usual.

"You see, my cat..."
The seriousness of the condition was etched into the dark circles under her eyes.

"Don't go!"

"I only have this little one."
"I'm scared... of being alone."
She whispered, looking down.

Her sad profile carried a fragility that made me want to protect her.

Even so, all I could do was buy an amulet at a shrine.
I also drew an omikuji fortune.
I brought it home without looking at the contents and handed it to her quietly.

Canon opened it timidly.
"Great Blessing!"

Her face lit up instantly.


But two weeks later, Canon's cat crossed the rainbow bridge.



On another day, when I went to the shop, Canon was attending to a previous customer.
I watched for a while, but gradually grew annoyed and downed glass after glass.

Her voice was sweeter than usual.
Her shoulders moved sensually in time with her laughter.

I was crushing peanuts into tiny pieces.

Then, perhaps noticing my gaze, Canon looked at me sideways while letting her fingers crawl gently over the man's shoulder.

The moment I saw that gesture, I grabbed the bill and stood up from my seat as if to escape.

That night, the sound of the clock bothered me endlessly.
I clutched my smartphone on the bed.

But the screen never lit up until the very end.


After that day, I didn't go to the shop for a while—no, I couldn't go.
I blamed Canon and stubbornly decided not to see her until she contacted me.

I waited for a LINE message.
But it never came.

My shadow stretched out in the sunset filtering into the dim room. That shadow swayed like a clown.

A few days later, my trivial resistance ended easily.

"Men who get jealous are such a pain."
With that, Canon laughed.

The ice in the glass melted with a clink.

Several months passed since then.

On Valentine's Day.
Holding Canon's handmade chocolate,
I asked, "This is for real, right?"
Canon laughed and said, "Of course!" puffing out her chest.

"This love is sure to come true!"
I was feeling a bit bold from the happiness.

Then, Canon's expression suddenly clouded over,
"I wonder?"

"I can't imagine myself being happy."
"It just doesn't suit me..."
Saying that, she forced a smile and stood up from her seat.

Bewildered by the sudden change, I broke the heart-shaped chocolate in half.

Snap.
The dry sound echoed in the surroundings.

When I returned home, my wife was standing in the kitchen, humming a tune.
Steam from the pot carried a delicious aroma.

Welcome home!
Her voice was bouncy.

A red ribbon was peeking out from her apron pocket.
When I sat at the table, the contents of the pot were my favorite stew.

I pushed the broken piece of chocolate deep into my pocket.

A few nights later.
I felt a strange sensation in my stomach and vomited blood.
I was taken by ambulance and ended up back in the hospital.

My wife scolded me severely.
She didn't speak to me for a while, but she came to visit me at the hospital every day.

Don't leave me alone anymore...

I couldn't look my wife in the eye after that muttered remark.
But I felt that those few small words had melted away a little bit of the tension that had been tangled between us.

One night while I was hospitalized, the Great God appeared for the first time in a while.

You are quite extreme, aren't you?
I told you to break the seal, but not to this extent!

The Great God continued.
Your heart is too strong, and whenever you push yourself too hard, this is what happens!

I felt uncomfortable and changed the subject.
How is Canon doing?

It seems she quit the shop.

...
The image of Canon seeing me off flashed through my mind.

The moment the door closed, her smile vanished, and her gaze dropped to the floor.
She looked like an actor after the final curtain, exhausted from her performance.

The prelude to 'La Traviata' was playing mournfully.
The profiles of the heroine and Canon overlapped.

First, your priority is to heal your body!

With that, the Great God exited stage left.

Fourth Movement: Regression and Loss

A month passed since then.

On the night I was discharged, I ate my wife's home cooking for the first time in a while.
It was easy to digest and had a gentle flavor.

During the meal, the CD my wife put on played quietly.

What is this song?
My chopsticks stopped.

This feeling of chasing one another.
It's like something my wife used to play with our daughter long ago...

Eat slowly.
Brought back by those words, I took a sip of the rice porridge.
The faint salty taste soaked in deeply.

After being discharged, I rested quietly, and after two months, I was completely better.

Recently, global distribution had begun to break down.
The lights on city signs went out, and long lines of cars stretched out at gas stations.
The color disappeared from store shelves, and only people's eyes shone with an eerie light.

One afternoon, my wife asked me to go shopping.
It seemed to be for ingredients for sweets.

With the list in hand, I tried going to a store further away than usual.
This store was also low on stock, and although I wandered around the aisles, I couldn't find what I needed.
I dangled my empty shopping basket and trudged back the way I came.

When I announced, 'I'm home, it was a wasted trip,' my wife gave a lonely smile and said quietly, 'Thank you, don't worry about it.'

My wife was wearing a brand-new
navy apron.

Its vivid color
seemed to be pleading something.

I finally realized it.

"Hey..."
To me, hesitating to speak,

my wife pulled herself together and said,
"At times like this, you say it like this."
"Congratulations!"

"We don't have cake or a feast..."
"But still, it must be an anniversary."

My heart gave a thud.

Even so, my wife and I were still prone to missing each other.
Taking advantage of that gap, my love for her was rekindled and became uncontrollable.

Wanting to hear Canon's voice, I visited every place I could think of, like bars and psychiatric clinics.
However, everywhere I went, I was only met with cold stares and turned away at the door.

Whether she was the same person or someone else, it didn't matter anymore.
My feet just kept moving.

One evening, I called out to the Great God.
"Please come tonight!"

That night, the Great God appeared just as I had hoped.

As soon as I saw her, I clung to her.
"Please, let me see Canon!"

"Do you miss her that much?"

"Yes, with all my heart!"

"What is it that you seek so much?"
"Is it something your wife lacks?"

I hesitated for a moment before saying,
"In the past... she had it."

"One evening, my wife sent me a text saying, 'The outside is beautiful!' I rushed outside, and a burning sunset was spreading across the sky. Across hundreds of kilometers, under the same sky, we shared the same view."

"Yes! There is a letter I wrote to my wife back then."

You always, within limited time,
would say "this and that,"
and do so much for me.

(Omitted... a few lines of happy memories)

All of it made me happy,
and a little ticklish...
And,
we were always barely making the last train home.

That night, on the station platform,
you said with tears in your eyes,
"I was a time thief, wasn't I..."

I denied it, but
perhaps it was true.

On days I can't see you,
my head is full of you,
and before I know it,
most of my time has been stolen by you.

The time with you is comfortable,
and the time alone is...

(Omitted... a few lines with ink smudges)

...After all,
you are a wonderful time thief.

And to that thief, I will,
again and again...

　
　"We certainly had it back then."

　"But, I wonder when it started?"
　"The moment we lost it all."

　"It won't... come back, but—"
　"Even if it's a lie, just once more, just one more time!"

　"..."
　The Great God said nothing, but opened his closed eyes and took a business card from his pocket.

　I stared in surprise as I took it.

　On it was written—
　'Rental Girlfriend: Canon'.

　
　Even after I woke up, I kept staring at the business card.

　"Something like this!"

　I shouted, tearing the card in two.
　But I hurriedly picked it up and pieced it back together with trembling hands.

　Before long, I picked up the receiver.

　I dialed the number with stiff fingers.

　The sound of the ringing phone struck my heart.
　
　"Thank you for calling.
　This is 'Rental Girlfriend: Canon'."

　There was no way I could mistake that slightly raspy, distinctive voice.

　That day, with guilt and expectation in my heart, I went to meet Canon.

　The cafe where we met had a calm atmosphere, and the fragrant scent of coffee drifted through the air.

　My knees wouldn't stop shaking on their own.
　They wouldn't calm down.

　After waiting for a while,
　"It's been a while."
　Canon appeared before me.

　She wore a soft, casual beige knit sweater.
　Its softness, along with her familiar voice, melted my tense heart in an instant.

　"Have you lost a little weight?"

　"Yes, I wonder whose fault that is?"
　She said, laughing as if to tease me.

　As soon as Canon sat down, she said,
　"Don't just disappear suddenly!"
　"No more drinking!"
　She was stern, but the contours of her voice were shaped by kindness.

　After we reunited, our time overlapped as if to fill the void.
　In cafes in the early afternoon, on the beach at dusk, and sometimes at hotels with beautiful night views.
　We shared each other's warmth, both in heart and body.
　At least, for those moments.

　Canon was always kind.
　But that kindness wasn't meant to coddle me.

　At times like that, she would always say,
　"If you want to say goodbye again, do as you please. I really do want to be kind to you!"
　"But I hate seeing someone I care about suffer. Because I want to be with you forever..."

　Every time she gave me her usual lecture, I would get a little irritated,
　"I get it already!"
　There was a thorn in my voice that I couldn't hide.

　"I'm sorry. But I don't want you to throw your life away!" Canon apologized.

　I didn't answer, just turned my back to Canon and looked down.

　Then, Canon muttered softly,
　"You're unfair."
　"You think you'll be forgiven if you just make a hurt face..."

　When she said that, I felt ashamed and tears spilled out.
　Canon cried too.
　As we both cried on the park bench, before we knew it, we were sharing a kiss of reconciliation.

　And so, the sweet time passed.
　But the time of intoxication suddenly came to an end.

　Canon glanced at her watch, slowly took out the bill, and signed it.
　Seeing that, a small needle pricked deep in my chest, causing pain.


　Even after returning home, Canon's scent remained on my sleeves.
　I collapsed onto the sofa in my room, still wearing my jacket.

　Only her lingering scent kept me tethered to the dream.
　Even if there was nothing but ruin ahead.

　As I drifted into a light sleep, the Great God appeared for the first time in a while.

"What did you think?"
To the Great God who suddenly demanded an answer with a stern face,

"Huh? What do you mean?"
I replied in a bewildered voice,

"What?"
The Great God did not hide his irritation.
"Didn't you notice? That finger!"

"Finger? Oh!"

A ring shining on her left ring finger.
It was the one I gave her for her birthday.

She usually wore it on her right hand.
For some reason, today... it was shining on her left hand.

"Is it too late now?"
"You might be playing around, but it seems it was different for her, wasn't it?"

Those words pierced my heart like a sharp arrowhead.

I felt suffocated and couldn't help but wake up.
Looking in the mirror, a pale face stared back at me.

When I went to the living room to get a drink of water, light was leaking from the room.


My wife was sitting alone in a chair,
the pale blue light of her smartphone
illuminating her face.

Reflected on the screen I caught a glimpse of,
a family photo from days gone by.

Surrounded by her mother, daughter, and son,
my wife was wearing a beaming smile.
And,
me, still with light in my eyes.

Noticing my presence,
my wife turned her smartphone face down.

The dry sound of it hitting the surface
echoed in the quiet room,
creating a boundary between my wife and me.

"...Did I wake you?"

"No."
I said only that, and drank my water.

From behind my back,
"I just felt a little lonely..."
my wife said in a small voice.

The water passing through my throat stung.

For how long,
have I left her alone?

Thinking that,
I could not
turn around.

Three years passed.

Before I knew it, the air in the city had turned freezing cold.
Buses and trains were increasingly suspended, and the shops I frequented had 'closed' signs hanging on them.


One day, after we held each other in a hotel, Canon said while kissing my shoulder,

"Hey... can't you stay a little longer?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Then, sixty minutes."

A faintly cold atmosphere drifted through the small room.

I stroked her hair, but somewhere in my chest, it felt cold.
How long can I hold onto this warmth that can be converted into a monetary value?
A hidden bitterness rises from deep within the sweet aftertaste.

After finishing, Canon writes out a receipt.

I instinctively look away.

"All I give you is time. The real thing isn't in a place like this."

It felt as if I could hear that voice.

When I returned home, half-folded laundry remained in the living room. My wife's face came to mind. Her gaze was cold.

As if to escape, I washed my face in the bathroom, and my eyes caught my wife's hair tie that had fallen at my feet.

I instinctively looked away.
As if I had... seen something I shouldn't have.

The world was wrapped in a heavy, oppressive atmosphere.
As bankruptcies were being discussed in the streets, layoffs were being whispered about at my company as well.
Someone like me, sitting by the window, would surely be the first to be fired.

But what terrified me was not unemployment or loan repayments, but only the thought of not being able to see Canon.

The more we met, the closer the day we couldn't meet drew near—
Even though I could see where it was all heading, I still kept going to see Canon.

Eventually, the anxiety became reality.

The company went bankrupt.

In exchange for Canon's smile, my dwindling savings had hit rock bottom, and I no longer had the strength to hold onto her.

At our final meeting, Canon said,
"Let's end this now."
"My life is going to fall apart."

"I don't want that!"
"There must still be a way..."
As I started to say this, Canon shook her head.

"Absolutely not."
"It's not just about the money!"
As she said this, Canon had a look of sadness in her eyes that I had never seen before.

"You are always just thinking about yourself."

"What was I to you, anyway?"
Canon lowered her gaze.
Her voice was faint, but it was definitely trembling.

In that moment, I realized.
That while I was seeking warmth, I was simultaneously draining the heat from someone else...

"You really are a fool."
"To get serious, despite the age gap."

She tried to smile.
But the smile crumbled halfway, and her lips twisted.

"I believed you loved me for real."
"But I was wrong..."

"In the end, you love your wife."

"You just don't realize it yourself..."
"You only needed me for that reason."

"..."
My heart was carved out.

"I have... a life, too."

"Even if it doesn't suit me..."
"I want to be happy too!"

"I don't want to just be kept like a pet anymore!"

"Ugh."
I swallowed the words that were about to come out of my throat.

"Goodbye."
"Thank you for everything..."

Her fading voice cut off before she could finish. Tears overflowed from the smile she had forced herself to wear.

Canon left me behind and disappeared into the twilight streets.
She didn't look back.
On the table, a single ring was left behind, all alone.

I clutched the ring tightly.
It was still a little warm.

"Fifth Movement: Before the End"

Two weeks had passed since I parted with Canon.

During that time, I stayed holed up in my room and couldn't go outside.
I crawled under the covers, staring at the ring while continuing to chase the afterimage of Canon.

In the deathly silent room, I lay alone, staring only at the ceiling beams.

Up there, there is a way to end everything.

A scene of quiet swaying crossed my mind.

The world will perish before long.
Until that day, wouldn't it be okay if I wasn't here?
That's what I felt.

Then, the smell of miso soup drifted from the kitchen.

My wife doesn't ask anything.
She just sets the table every night and waits patiently.
That patience alone was what kept me tethered to this world.

One such night, the Great God appeared.

"You don't seem to be doing so well."
Seeing me like a hollow shell, the Great God spoke with irony.

"..."

"Are you so far gone that you can't even answer?"
"You're like a cicada's empty shell."

"..."

"I mostly understood, but well, things have turned out as they have."

"But still... you and that girl, you must have been desperate."
"You were seeking what was lost, and she was trying not to let go of what she had finally obtained."

"That is just how people are."

"..."

Before long, the Great God snapped his fingers, and a Chopin waltz began to play lightly.

"Alright, alright! You're a good girl."
The Great God was talking to someone.

"Someone is sulking."
"If you lost it, you should just take it back."

I watched the scene blankly, but before I knew it, I had fallen into a deep sleep.

The next morning, I was woken up by noisy barking.
When I went outside, my wife was holding a puppy.

When I asked, "What's wrong?"
She said it had been abandoned at our doorstep.

Is it about two months old?
Its soft brown fur was shining gold in the morning sun.
Those big, round eyes.
I felt a strange sense of déjà vu—

My wife said happily while holding the puppy,
"This little one's name is Canon!"

—My heart gave a great leap.

"Its long, curly hair looks like musical notes, it's so cute."
"That's why, it's my favorite 'Canon'!"

"That classical piece?"

"Yes!"

I let out one—a deep breath.

When my wife handed Canon to me, I kissed it without thinking.
Canon was a little surprised by me, a stranger, but soon licked my finger.

It was fluffy and warm.
I was a little bewildered by something so innocent that doubted nothing.

"We can keep this little one, right?"
Unable to resist my wife, who pleaded with teary eyes,

"Yes, of course we can."
While giving a reply that even I thought sounded ridiculous, I was desperate to hide my overflowing joy.

And so, Canon joined our family.

Canon ate well, ran well, and was full of energy.
When she would droop her ears and stare at me with those big eyes, I couldn't help but be reminded of that other Canon.

No matter the day, without a care in the world, she would rest her front paws on my lap.
Something single-minded, selfless, and expecting nothing in return—
I was a little bewildered by that comfort.


Walking with Canon was fun.
When I prepared the leash at the entrance, she would explode with joy, urging me to "let's go quickly."

The way she frolicked on our walking path.
Chasing her tail and spinning in circles.

Before I knew it, I was laughing without a care.
A smile I had long forgotten since that day...

Canon chasing a ball with all her heart in the breeze.
When I was out of breath and begged her, "let's go home now," Canon wouldn't easily let me.

When we returned home exhausted, my wife would ruffle Canon and say,
"Oh, Canon! You went on a date with Daddy, didn't you?"
"You cheater, leaving me all alone!"

I couldn't take my eyes off my wife's slightly sulking profile.

One day, while my wife and Canon were playing in the living room, Canon jumped on her and she almost fell.

I grabbed her hand just in time.
The sensation of holding my wife's hand after so long—
For some reason, I gripped it tight.

My wife looked at me with a puzzled expression.
But she said nothing.

I didn't want to let go; yes, I didn't want to let go.

One sunny afternoon, the three of us—my wife, Canon, and I—went to a park a little further away.

On the way home after playing happily.
While waiting for the light at an intersection, Canon seemed restless, occasionally pricking up her ears.

"Are you okay?"

My wife tightened her grip on the leash.
Canon let out a small whimper.

Suddenly, a loud roar echoed.
A military aircraft flew past nearby at a low altitude.

The moment Canon's body stiffened, she suddenly bolted.

The wind stopped, and the world fell silent for a heartbeat.

"Canon!"

Reflexively, I dashed into the road.

"Dear!"
I heard my wife's scream.

The screech of brakes pierced my ears sharply.
At the very last second, a car grazed right in front of me.

Even so, I reached out my hand.
But I couldn't reach.
My fingertips swam uselessly in the empty air.

Both my wife and I were frozen, unable to move a muscle.

Fortunately, Canon was running, avoiding the cars.
Only Canon's tail, running off to the other side of the intersection, was reflected in my teary eyes.

"Canon!"

The passing cars became a dissonance that drowned out my voice.

The red light was frustrating.
My wife's breathing became ragged.

The light changed, and I hurried to chase after Canon.
But she was nowhere to be found.

Even when I asked passersby, no one could answer the whereabouts of a single dog.
No matter how much I shouted, the world gave me nothing back.

That day, I wandered around searching for Canon until it got dark, but she was nowhere to be seen.

Our home, devoid of Canon's voice, was quiet and still.
I lay down on the bed.
Without Canon, the touch of the sheets felt terrifyingly cold.

When night fell, I sat in front of the entrance and strained my ears toward the darkness.
Believing that Canon would return.

The next day, and the day after that, I spent the whole day searching for Canon.
But there was no response.
Returning home empty-handed, the silent dinner I ate with my wife was joyless.


On the third night, in the rain.
Mixed with the sound of the rain, there was a small scratching noise at the front door.

I instinctively rushed outside barefoot.
There stood Canon, covered in mud.
Her tail wagged weakly, and only her eyes shone strangely.

"Canon!"

I pressed my tear-stained face against Canon's back.
I can smell Canon.
I desperately stroked Canon's body, as if to pour life into her chilled frame.

My wife woke up and, while crying, wrapped Canon in a blanket.

Canon let out a small whimper.

"Canon..."

Even as the world marched toward its end, the kindness I had nearly lost had returned to me once more.

Thus, the days with Canon passed, and our time together was richly colored.
By the time the fifth season came around, all of it had become our daily life.

However, lately—
Canon would often stop suddenly and stare up at me.
Deep within her eyes, a certain color would flicker in and out.

"..."

I chose not to think too deeply about the slight sense of unease I felt.

Contrary to our happy life at home, the world was steadily deteriorating.
The war was no longer a distant problem, and for several years now, young people had been sent to the front lines with a single draft notice.
I was constantly worried about when a letter might arrive for my son.
J-Alerts began to sound day and night, and I found myself comforting a startled Canon more and more often.


Taking advantage of the stay-at-home orders, I holed up in the house and spent the entire day with Canon.
Time that meant nothing.
I wished it would last forever.

During that time, the Great God would appear when I least expected it, just to chat idly.
Light Mozart was playing.
Even in a world on the verge of collapse, it felt as though there were still things we hadn't lost.

However, one night, while I was sleeping with Canon as my armrest, the Great God appeared for the first time in a while.

With the arrival of the Great God, the 'Requiem' began to play mournfully.

Something bad is going to happen—
That's what I thought.

"..."
The Great God remained silent for a while, but eventually spoke in a heavy tone.

"Your Canon has cancer."
"She has six months to live."

"What..."
I couldn't say anything more.

After a while, the Great God quietly departed.

The 'Lacrimosa' from the Requiem would not leave my ears.

"Chapter 6: What Remains"

The next morning, when I woke up, I couldn't move for a while.
Canon, in my arms, wagged her tail as usual and licked my face.

—But she's so energetic.

I stroked Canon's head over and over, as if to confirm it.

That morning, still half-doubting, I took Canon out for a walk.
Then, halfway through, Canon stopped.

Her breathing was labored.

"What's wrong?"

When I called out to her, she started walking again as if nothing had happened.
But her pace gradually slowed, and finally, she stopped.

I picked up Canon and rushed straight to the animal hospital.

The time spent waiting outside during the examination felt agonizingly long.
Before long, I was called inside, and the veterinarian lowered their gaze for a moment, as if choosing their words carefully.

That alone was enough.

...There is a tumor in the liver, and it has metastasized...

I barely heard the rest of the explanation.

That night, I couldn't say anything to my wife.


From the next day on, I kept calling animal hospitals all over the region.
But I could find no hope in the voices that answered from the other end of the line.

About half a month later, I told my wife.

Why! Why?...

My wife beat against my chest.
Even though it didn't hurt at all, it hurt more than anything else.

After three months, Canon's appetite faded, she grew thin, and her movements became sluggish.

Her golden coat lost its luster.
Even so, when she saw us, she stuck out her tongue as bravely as ever.
But the tail that used to wag so lightly now just hung limp.

All I could do was gently hold her and stroke her head.

Time passed, and it was nearly six months since that night the Great God told us.

Canon could no longer eat or move, and she slept all day in the warm spot by the window.
Only her faint breathing signaled the flickering of her life.

Conversations with my wife had dwindled.
Our eyes were always fixed on Canon.

My wife said suddenly,
Honey, let's go together for Canon's vaccination next year.
Canon is already a grown-up, but she's still so afraid of shots that she's a handful...

My wife was smiling, but her eyes were clouded.

Yeah. Let's go together.
My own voice, as I answered, didn't even sound like my own.

A few days later, Canon's condition took a sudden turn for the worse.
My wife and I took her to the hospital.

According to the vet, it was a question of whether she would make it through the night.

Not yet...

I don't want this!
...No, I suppose you're right...

The vet said nothing and began the preparations calmly.

During that time, I stroked Canon's head without a word.
Each time I stroked her, Canon weakly pressed her nose against my fingers.

I was startled by the chill of her touch.

I pressed my fingertips harder.
As if to confirm that the warmth transmitted from her had not yet been lost...

The days with Canon flashed through my mind.

The delayed sound traced the sound that had rung out before, overlapping with a slightly different expression.
The memories of Canon and the others played in a fugue. Changing their form little by little...

On a snowy morning road.
In the examination room.
Under the dim light of a bar.
Blowing in the breeze of the park.

And now, the final Canon lies here.

The sorrow of losing everything is now concentrated at the tip of a thin needle, shining sharply.
At that tip, which will send Canon to a different world.

Even if I try to call her name, no voice comes out.
I just keep stroking her head, over and over.

Eventually, as the injection was administered, Canon wore a faint smile in her dreamlike state.

Her breathing,
had already lost its sound.

I gently pulled her body close.

She was light,
frighteningly light.

“Canon...”

With a voice that could not form words,
I called her name over and over.

Then,
Canon slowly opened her eyes,
and looked at me with hollow pupils.

A faint trace of a smile bled through.

And then, the light faded.

That was the end.

She would not return.

But the warmth was still,
just a little bit, there.


My wife and I watched over Canon’s final moments and held each other.
As if to share the pain of our loss.


Even after returning home, Canon’s scent remained here and there.
I would almost call her name on a whim, and each time, I would bite my tongue.
The silence of the room was simply terrifying.

I stared at Canon’s red collar.

Then my wife came over and picked it up.
“This child... thanks to this child...”

I gently touched my wife’s hand.
Between my wife’s fingertips and mine, Canon quietly dissolved.

And so, I had lost Canon once again.
This eternal parting left me with a pain greater than any I had known before.

One day, when my swollen, tear-filled eyes had calmed down a little.
I was sitting alone on a bench in the backyard.


The twilight sky,
was dyed in a color that was
neither day nor night.

I was there, shattered.

My breathing was fast and shallow,
and I no longer had the strength to think.

The scenery lost its luster,
and the wind blew weakly.

Suddenly, at my feet,
a fallen leaf rolled by.

Blown by the wind,
it spun around,
flipped over,
and stopped.

Just that, nothing more.

I watched it intently.

There was no meaning.
I didn't need a reason, or anything at all.

In that moment,
I took one deep breath.

The wind touched my cheek.

I didn't need to think about
the cold or the warmth.

Ah.
I no longer needed
the sadness.

Even after I regained a little of my strength, my wife’s sorrow continued, and she remained shut away in her room.

Unable to bear seeing my wife like that, our daughter came home for the first time in a while.
At first, my wife wouldn't even show herself to our daughter, but one day, she poked her head out of her room.
Seeing the look on our daughter's face, a mix of surprise and joy, I wiped my eyes.

Because she hadn't had an appetite for so long, my wife's cheeks were sunken and her frame had grown thin.
There was a delicacy to her appearance, like fragile glassware.

On the day our daughter invited her out shopping to cheer her up, my wife put on a little makeup.

“Oh.”
I let out a voice.

I couldn't take my eyes off my wife.

Once my wife got better, we started taking walks together to the nearby park.

The place where we had memories of spending time with Canon.

There were no children in the park at dusk, and it was quiet and still.

My wife and I sat side by side on a bench, staring at the center of the park in silence.
In my mind's eye, the image of Canon running around happily came back vividly.
Then, without either of us saying a word, we gently held hands.

Our hands, trembling slightly, would not let go.
I will never lose them again.

By then, the world was tilting toward its end.
The war between major powers intensified, and there were many casualties every day.
Everyone was afraid of the shadow of nuclear weapons, moving along an irreversible path toward destruction.

In the midst of this, I called my mother, who had been living alone, to come stay at our house.
When I called my son, he returned from his workplace far away.

For the first time in ten years, the whole family was together.

Inside our small house, my mother's puns flew about, and my son laughed heartily.
My wife and daughter grinned, glancing at me from time to time. It seemed they were planning some mischief.

A world where everything was broken.
But 'here,' where the laughter of my family echoed, was not yet broken—

And then, on the night the world's creaking reached its limit, the Great God appeared for the first time in a while.

Beethoven's Ninth Symphony was playing solemnly.
A low, heavy resonance traveled up from under my feet.
Eventually, all the sounds were released, exploding with overwhelming power.

“It has been a long time.”

“Yes.”
“But you have been watching us the whole time, haven't you?”

“Indeed...”

The Great God paused for a moment before continuing.
“It has been the promised ten years.”

“It was both long and short.”
“I clung to the 'warmth' that appeared before me.”

“But at the same time, I hurt it.”
“Something that I should never have hurt...”

“You seem to have grown up.”

“...”

“After I said goodbye to Canon and the others, I, well, went to my wife...”
“I wandered for quite a while, but in the end, I matched my pace with hers.”

“I had just lost sight of it...”
“It had always been 'here' since long ago, hadn't it?”

“Indeed.”

“...Um, Great God.”

“One last thing.”

“Could it be that you are...”

Stopping me as I started to say that,
“You don't need to say the rest.”

Saying this, the Great God smiled and walked toward me.
And then, they slowly dissolved into me.

Something surging from deep within my chest gushed forth, as if to overflow.

And then, the Ninth Symphony reached its final movement, and the "Joy" rang out in my heart, fresh and clear, forever.

The next morning, when something unknown to us was pressed somewhere in the world, we were all gathered around the breakfast table as a family.

My wife puts on a CD.

Ah,
It's that song
my wife and daughter used to play together
a long time ago.

Pachelbel's.
Chasing,

overlapping.

I hum along, just a little behind.
The melody I had forgotten


overlapped deep within my chest.The dining table was filled with the steam of miso soup made by my mother and wife, and my daughter was laughing and teasing my son about the bitter, lukewarm tea he had brewed.

I stared intently at my wife's face as she ate.
Noticing my gaze, she looked a bit shy and smiled back at me.
That look in her eyes was dazzlingly bright.

Before long, an eerie flash of light shone into the depths of the room.
And then, the moment the light vanished, an irresistible coldness struck us.


We huddled together.

Now, the world is ending.
It is quieter than I had imagined.

I gripped my wife's hand tightly.

"Even though it's the end..."
"Why is it so warm?"

I put strength into my fingertips.
"Forever!"

My wife gripped back just as hard.
"Yes, forever..."

In the world that was coming to an end,
I had finally
reclaimed it—

Immediately after, a torrent beyond understanding dissolved us, along with the surrounding scenery, into a white darkness.

"Whine, whine, whine!"

"..."

--In the white light,
I hear a nostalgic voice.

"Canon?"

The ticklish sensation on my cheek
wakes me up.

The sound of my wife breathing as she sleeps beside me.

My pillow is wet.

Where am I?

The afterlife?
A dream?
Or perhaps...

Canon is whimpering
while licking my cheek.

My wife is also woken up by Canon,
and she opens her eyes while yawning.

Canon puts his nose to my wife's ear,
and glances at me repeatedly.

Prompted by that gaze,
my wife smiles while looking at me.

"You're a strange one. A bad dream?"

I gently hide my eyes,
and silently take my wife's hand.

The warmth of her hand squeezing back is comforting.

Beside us,
Canon is peering at us alternately.

Illuminated by the dazzling morning light,
his golden fur ripples.

Between us as we gaze at each other,
Canon forces his way in.

We get ruffled up,
but our joined hands do not let go.

"Welcome home..."

"...I'm home."

Canon's tail
is swaying quietly, on and on...