Why I'm glad I forced myself to make time for myself while raising children

There is one thing I'm glad I did while raising children.

That is to force myself to make time for myself, even if it's difficult.

For my wife, too.
And for myself.

When you have children, time for yourself doesn't happen naturally.
Before you know it, it's morning, and before you know it, it's night.

Feeding them.
Helping them get dressed.
Preparing for daycare.
Doing laundry.
Tidying up.
Putting them to sleep.

And there's work in between all of that.

Even when I'm in the house, I feel like I'm constantly being called by someone.

Wait a minute.
Not now.
I'll do it in a second.

Those kinds of phrases just keep increasing.

Children are adorable.
That is a given.

But being adorable and not being exhausting are two different things.

I felt guilty about wanting to be alone

I used to feel guilty about wanting time to myself.

Even though I have children.
Even though my wife is also having a hard time.
Is it okay for me to be the only one resting?

I would think things like that.
I think my wife probably felt the same way.

I hesitated to go out alone.
Even for a haircut or shopping, I would try to rush home.
I was considerate because the person left at home would have a harder time.

But if you keep doing that, the whole family starts to suffer little by little.

The parents are always tired.
They get irritated over small things.
They react more than necessary to a child's casual words.
Even when it's not really something to get angry about, their voice gets harsh.

When that happens, I think what you need isn't willpower, but time to rest.

Time for myself was not selfish

Even if you say you're going to make time for yourself, it's not easy.

Rely on parents.
One person watches the children while the other goes out.
Go to a class.
Go to a cafe for a little while.
Go shopping alone.
Go for a walk.

Even just doing that, the person left behind ends up doing everything alone.
It doesn't mean the burden becomes zero.

In fact, while one person is resting, the other person has a hard time.

That is precisely why I think it is important to take turns properly.
Today is my wife's time.
Next is my time.

Instead of just one person enduring it, both of you should have time to be alone.
That is not running away from the family.
It is time to return to the family again.

Even just a few hours makes a world of difference.

It's strange, but just by being alone for a few hours, your mood changes quite a bit.

Drink coffee slowly.
Browse through a bookstore.
Look at clothes.
Watch a movie.

No one calls your name.
You don't have to worry about anyone's bathroom needs.

You don't have to watch to see if they spill something, run around, or get in a bad mood.
You can just walk at your own pace.

Just that alone is quite a relief.

You don't have to do anything special.
You don't have to go on a trip.
You don't have to spend a lot of money.

Just having time to return a little bit to the person you were before you were a parent gives you more peace of mind.

And strangely enough, the more time you spend alone, the more you want to see your children.

Even though I wanted to get away for a bit before leaving the house, by the time I head back,

I find myself thinking,

"I wonder what they're doing right now."

Maybe that kind of distance is necessary once in a while.

There is also meaning for the person doing everything alone.Of course, while one person is taking time for themselves, the other person is doing everything alone.Honestly, it's tough.

You end up handling meals, baths, and putting them to bed all by yourself.
There are days when things don't go well.
But I think there is meaning in that time as well.

You realize how hard your wife works on a daily basis.
By looking after the children on your own, your distance from them changes a little.
You notice the difficulty of the things you always left to your wife.

Conversely, by going out alone, your wife can also reclaim a version of herself that exists outside of the home.

I think time alone is necessary not so that one person can take it easy, but so that you can understand each other's struggles.

It's not a bad thing for the children either

I used to think that taking time for myself as a parent was something to feel guilty about regarding my children.

But now, I feel a little differently.

For children, time spent alone with Dad and time spent alone with Mom are different.
Even with the same play, it changes slightly when the partner changes.
The way meals are served, the way you talk to them, and the atmosphere before bed are all different.
Perhaps that is also a time for children to learn about the various facets of their family.

And above all, the parent comes back feeling a little more refreshed.
That is also important for the children.

There are days when it is better to be apart for a while, recover a little, and then be able to face them properly again, rather than having an exhausted parent by their side the whole time.

I think that a parent managing their own mood also leads to cherishing their children.

It probably won't happen if you wait until you have time

Time alone does not happen naturally.

When things settle down.
When I have more room to breathe.
When the children get a little older.

If you think like that, it will be a long time away.

Every day while raising children, something is always happening.
That is why you need to make time, even if you have to force it.

Put it on the calendar.
Decide on the schedule in advance.
Ask your parents for help.
Decide on days to take turns.

Maybe being a little dramatic about it is just right.

I want to be a family where we can say, "I want to be alone."
I want to be in a relationship where we can say, "Go ahead."
I want to be in a balance where we can say, "Next time, I'll go too."

That is not easy.
But I truly think it was worth doing.

To be with family, you must be alone

Making time for yourself while raising children is not cold-hearted.
It is not abandoning your family.
To stay with your family for the long haul, you need to be alone for a little while.
To return with a smile, you need to step away for a bit.
To face your children, you need to catch your own breath.

I believe that is how meaningful time alone is.

Parents are human, too.
We get tired.
We get bored.
There are days when we want to run away.

But sometimes, just having that time alone is enough to help us come back.

To cherish our children.
To keep from collapsing as a couple.
And to keep from losing sight of ourselves.

Especially while raising children, it is okay to force yourself to make time for yourself.
In fact, you should.

That is what I think now.