The Most Important Thing to Keep in Mind When Raising Children

To those who are about to start raising children, and to those who are in the thick of it right now.

If I had to say just one thing that you should really be careful about, I would probably say this.

The health of the mom and dad.

Your child's diet, sleep, education, discipline, extracurricular activities, and future finances.
There is a mountain of things to think about.

But I believe the foundation for all of that is the parents' health.
If the parents collapse, the household stops functioning all at once.

This is not just a platitude; it is truly the case.

Prioritizing children no matter what

When you become a parent, it becomes natural to prioritize your children.

If your child has a fever, you adjust your work.
If your child cries, you put off your own meal.
If your child won't sleep, you cut back on your own sleep.

Of course, I think that is what being a parent is.

But if that continues for too long, the parents' bodies and minds are gradually worn down.

And what is scary is that while you are being worn down, it is hard to notice it yourself.

“I’m fine with this much”
“Everyone else is doing it”
“It’s only for now”

Thinking like that, before you know it, you are near your limit.

Parents raising children tend to put their own poor health on the back burner.

Being healthy as a parent is not selfish

I think many people feel guilty about resting as a parent.

Is it okay to sleep when I have children?
Is it okay to rest when there is still housework left?
Is it okay for me to rest when my partner is also tired?

But being healthy as a parent is not selfish.
Rather, it is an important job to protect the family.

When parents fall ill, they lose the capacity to be kind to their children.

Getting irritated over small things.
Giving curt replies.
Losing the ability to wait.

Saying things you shouldn't have said.
Reflecting on it later and feeling down again.

Spilled milk.
Morning preparations that aren't moving forward.
Being called over and over to 'look at this, look at that'.

Things you could laugh off when you're feeling well become painful when you're unwell.

I think it's not that the child has changed, but that the parent's remaining energy has changed.

Parents are just human beings, too

When a parent gets sick while raising children, it is truly difficult.
It doesn't end with just you feeling unwell.

Taking them to and from daycare.
Meals.
Baths.
Laundry.
Putting them to sleep.
Preparing for tomorrow.

Everything has to be done by someone.

When one person collapses, the burden falls entirely on the other person all at once.

Parents live far away.
It's hard to take time off work.
There is no one nearby to rely on.

I think there are many families like that.

Even if you prepare for your child's illness, you are surprisingly unprepared for a parent's illness.

But parents catch colds just like anyone else.
They also get back pain.
Their mental health also declines.
If sleepless nights continue, your judgment also suffers.

Just because you are a parent doesn't mean you become invincible.
Parents are just human beings, too.

Trying your best is not sustainable for long

There are days in parenting when you have to try your best.

You have to get up even if you are sleep-deprived and unwell.
You have to take them to the hospital even if you are exhausted.

However, I think it is dangerous to keep running for years just by thinking, 'I'm a parent, so I have to do my best.'

Parenting is not a sprint.
It continues for many years.

While some aspects of parenting get easier as children grow, new challenges will inevitably arise.

That is why parenting based on pushing yourself to the limit is unsustainable.
Instead of trying to do your best, focus on creating a system that prevents you from collapsing.

Rather than relying on willpower, prioritize securing time for recovery.
I believe this is truly important.

Both Mom and Dad are important.

A household cannot continue if one person is constantly pushing themselves too hard.

Thinking, "I'm the one having a harder time,"
"My partner doesn't understand me,"
or "I'm the only one making sacrifices."

When those feelings accumulate, it wears down not only your body but also your relationship as a couple.

Even though you are doing your best for your children, the atmosphere at home becomes strained.
That is truly painful.

Therefore, I believe it is necessary to look after not only your own health but also your partner's health.

Are they getting enough sleep?
Do they always look exhausted?
Have they been able to smile lately?
Are they getting any time to themselves?

Being able to notice not just your own limits, but your partner's as well,

might also be an important role in parenting.

Taking care of yourself for the sake of your children.

Taking care of yourself as a parent does not mean putting your children last.
Rather, I believe it is necessary in order to take care of your children properly.

The parent not collapsing.
The parent being able to smile.
The parent getting enough sleep.
The parent being able to manage their own mood.

These are also important parts of the environment for a child.

What can you do for your children?
What kind of experiences can you provide for them?

Those things are important, too.

But before that, the parent must be living well.
Without pushing too hard, being present in the home with a sense of peace.

That might be the most important thing of all.

To those who are about to start parenting.
And to those who are right in the middle of it.

Please take care of your own health just as much as you take care of your children.

Dads and moms, please do not collapse.

You don't have to be a perfect parent.
You don't have to be smiling all the time.
You don't have to try your best at everything.

But, so that you can be by your child's side for as long as possible.

I want you to pay a little bit of attention to your own body and mind today.

Perhaps the most important thing in parenting is for the parent to be healthy and well.

I believe that is not selfish, but rather the foundation for protecting your child.