So Parents Don't Decide Their Child's Talents in Advance

I wonder if there is something this child is suited for?

As my child has grown older, I have found myself thinking about things like that more and more.

Is she good at sports?
Does she like drawing?
Does she like being in front of people?
Is she suited for music?
Will she be good at studying?

As a parent, I want to help her find it as early as possible.

Something she can be passionate about.
Something she can be confident in.
Something that will support her when she is in trouble someday.

But recently, that feeling has started to scare me a little.

The more I want to find my child's talents, the more I find myself looking at what my daughter likes now in terms of whether it will lead to a future career.

My daughter wasn't necessarily drawing a picture

One holiday, my daughter was drawing something on a piece of drawing paper.

At first, it was a line like a rainbow.
Underneath that, a circle.
Next, a square.
And then suddenly, she colored the whole thing yellow.

I watched from the side and asked,

What are you drawing?

I asked.

My daughter thought for a moment, then said,

A shop.

She said.

What kind of shop?

A shop that has everything.

Then, she started drawing many small circles on the edge of the paper.

What is this?

"Button"

"What kind of button?"

"If you press it, a natto roll comes out."
*My daughter loves natto rolls.

Looking closely, there was also a "medicine button" next to it.

"If you press this, you'll feel better."

Honestly, I don't really know if it's a good drawing or not.

It wasn't about the amazing use of color or the ability to draw shapes accurately.

But my daughter kept talking about it.

What was being sold.
Who would come.
What to give to people in trouble.

Partway through, I realized she wasn't just drawing a picture.

My daughter was simply placing the world inside her onto the paper.

Before saying "You're good at this"

When a child does something, parents immediately want to praise them.

"You're good at this."
"That's amazing."
"Maybe you have a talent for this."

That's not a bad thing.

Seeing the happy look on my child's face makes me happy too.

But sometimes, I feel like words of praise suddenly turn what was inside the child into an evaluation.

My daughter might have just wanted to draw a button that dispenses natto rolls.

She might have just wanted to create a shop that could give medicine to people in need.

If I rush to place the evaluation of "good at drawing" on that, she might try to draw well next time.

They might try to draw something that looks like the 'correct' answer.

Recently, before I say 'That's good,' I've been trying to ask things like,

'Why is there a natto roll in this?'

and so on.

Then, my daughter starts talking again.

'Because there might be someone who is hungry.'

When I hear that answer, I feel like there is something there that the word 'talent' just doesn't quite capture.

Talent exists before the result

When we talk about talent, we inevitably think of things that are visible.

Being fast at running.
Being able to play the piano.
Being quick at calculations.
Being good at drawing.
Being able to speak in front of others.

Of course, I think those abilities are also talents.

But when I watch children, I feel like there is something that comes before that.

Wanting to do the same thing over and over again.

Thinking about something for a long time, even though no one asked you to.

Suddenly becoming serious when someone is in trouble.

When you find something that interests you, continuing to watch it even when it's time to go home.

From an adult's perspective, these things can sometimes look like just being stubborn, taking detours, or doing things over in a troublesome way.

But I feel like that is time spent by the child chasing something inside them that they cannot yet put into words.

Before talent appears as an amazing result, it starts as,

'I don't want to stop doing this.'

Perhaps it begins in that form.

Parents end up looking for things that will be useful in the future.

When my daughter is absorbed in something, I find myself thinking.

Could this lead to a hobby? Should I help her develop this further? If she becomes good at this, will it give her confidence?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that way of thinking.

I want to expand my child's possibilities.

When she finds something she loves, I want to be a parent who can support her.

That is what I think.

But when I start thinking about whether it will be useful in the future, it becomes harder to see my child as she is now.

What my daughter likes might not be drawing pictures well, but explaining an imaginary shop to someone.

It might not be running, but cheering for the child who is running.

It might not be singing, but singing together with someone.

Parents want to give things a simple, easy-to-understand name.

Artistic talent. Athletic talent. Musical talent.

But perhaps a child's interests are not so easily or neatly categorized.

Things I want to watch more than 'whether they have talent'

When my daughter is doing something, I think I will continue to be curious.

What is she good at? What is she suited for? What path will she choose?

Because I am a parent, I end up thinking about these things.

But before that, there are things I want to watch.

What makes my daughter laugh?
What makes her angry?
What does she do over and over again?
When does she lose track of time?

Talent is not something for parents to discover and name.

It may be something that children make their own by touching it repeatedly, failing, getting bored, and returning to it again.

I don't think the thing parents can do is to rush to provide an answer.

"What's fun about that?"

Asking that.

"Do you want to do a little more?"

Waiting and asking that.

And, not viewing the time a child spends being absorbed in something only as preparation for the future.

The "store that has everything" my daughter drew is nowhere to be found now.

The drawing paper has gotten lost somewhere in the closet.

But I remember.

A button that dispenses natto rolls.
A button for medicine that makes you feel better.
My daughter's voice saying, "Just in case someone in trouble comes."

I didn't know if my daughter had talent that day.

She was simply trying to give shape to what was inside her for someone else's sake.

I was happy to have been able to witness that time.

Before looking for a child's talent.

I want to be a parent who can properly see what moves my child's heart.