[Project Kaku-Kaku-Kaku] Beyond Fulfilling a Dream

Introduction

When I first posted on note, Yoshihiro-san added my post to his magazine.
At that time, I was such a beginner that I didn't even know what a magazine was, so my first reaction was surprise, but as time passed, feelings of joy and gratitude welled up within me.
Thank you for looking at my nervous first post.

With feelings of congratulations on reaching 1,000 followers and gratitude for adding me to your magazine, I would like to participate in the [Project Kaku-Kaku-Kaku].

[Beyond Fulfilling a Dream]

It feels a bit embarrassing to talk about dreams.
Whether it's because of my age or my personality, I don't know, but the word 'dream' has a fluffy, sparkly image to me, so I find it hard to bring it close to myself.

Nursery teacher, doctor, bakery owner, school teacher, counselor, novelist, actor, manga artist, illustrator—there are so many professions I admired, but the one thing that was always in my heart was the desire to become a 'mother'.

It wasn't exactly a strong conviction like a dream, but whenever I thought about my future, 'becoming a mother' was always part of the plan, like 'at what age will I get married and have children...'

In that sense, perhaps I have fulfilled my dream.

I got married, had children, learned the reality of what the life I had aimed for was actually like, and while I was far from being an 'ideal mother,' I somehow desperately played the role of 'mother,' and after spending my days for my husband and children, I passed the age of 40.

When I stood at the halfway point of my life, I couldn't move for a while when I realized that all I had in my hands were the home cooking skills I had to continue every day, the experience of raising children, and a driver's license.

My husband beside me had, before I knew it, built up about 20 years of career, held a decent position, and steadily acquired work-related skills and techniques.
Whether I shouted 'Wow, what an inferiority complex!' or not, I felt depressed about what a worthless life I had been living.

Once a dream is fulfilled, it is no longer a dream.

I feel like I finally understood the meaning and weight of that worn-out phrase at this age.

I was depressed, couldn't keep up with housework, the house became a mess, things were strained with my family, and while I was deceiving myself about not having the physical strength or confidence, I somehow managed to keep up the bare minimum of motherly duties... What changed me after I had been in a slump for a while was another 'dream'.

'Come to think of it, I wanted to become a "cute old lady."'

A future map of wanting to become a 'cute old lady' beyond the 'mother' I had vaguely envisioned since I was a child. It's hard to say whether it's okay to call it a dream, but a light shone on my feelings, so for me, it must be a dream.

When I think about what kind of person a cute old lady is...

Someone who is always smiling and kind

Someone who wears bright-colored clothes and enjoys fashion

Someone who is a good cook and eats everything with gusto

Someone who takes on new challenges and seems to enjoy life

Someone who can cherish the people who are important to them

Someone who cherishes themselves

Someone who doesn't leave people in trouble alone

Someone who can say 'help me' when they are in trouble

Someone with a sense of humor, someone composed... and so on.

The images just keep expanding in my mind.

I was able to reaffirm that I want to become that kind of person. It's okay if I don't become a doctor to save lives, or an actor to move many people. It's fine if I don't have a job where I'm a boss admired by my subordinates, or if I don't earn a salary that surprises everyone.
Also, aiming for this over the next 40 years feels just right for me now. No matter what kind of work I do or don't do from here on out, it's fine as long as my final destination is to be a 'cute old lady'.

As the first step toward that dream, I am currently on a diet, aiming for a healthy body that can move as much as I want. I think I will move forward toward my dream, little by little.

It's not exactly cool to say that there are dreams you can only have now that you're over 40... but this level of modesty that makes you chuckle is just right.

If there is one concern, it's whether a 'cute old lady' would think of herself as 'cute'.

I won't know that until I actually achieve the dream.

In closing

Thank you for sticking with me until the end. This is my first time participating in a project, so I'm nervous about whether this content is okay, but I hope it adds to the festive atmosphere of this celebration.
I look forward to reading more wonderful articles from Yoshihiro-san and everyone else. I will continue to post on Note at my own pace, so please join me again when you have the time.

With congratulations and gratitude.