The Millionaire Next Door [Episode 4] Where Nigel and the Others Are

I still can't find the right words to describe those people I met at the BBQ.
I still don't know what to call them.

They looked like perfectly ordinary people.

Yet, everyone spoke about their own failures with such composure,
never once commented on anyone else's failures,
and for some reason, they were people you felt safe being around.

That atmosphere.
I still can't forget that feeling.

On the way home, I suddenly remembered
a scene from the movie 'The Devil Wears Prada'.

'You're not trying'—Nigel's words

In the movie 'The Devil Wears Prada', the protagonist Andy is a new journalist fresh out of a prestigious university.
As a stepping stone for her dream career, she starts working as an assistant to Miranda, the editor-in-chief of the fashion magazine 'Runway'.

But the workplace is incredibly toxic.

Unreasonable demands, late-night calls, and the collapse of her personal life.

When an exhausted Andy complained,
'I'm working so hard, but I'm not being appreciated'—
Nigel, the art director, says this:

Those lines pierced my heart.
I'm sure there are many people who love this scene.

And at the BBQ, I finally realized what it meant.

Because—I had always been,
“intending” to put in the effort, while remaining unchanged.

When the premise is "I want to be healed," people cannot change.

I used to seek "kindness."

"That must have been hard."
"I understand."
"You're doing your best."

Among those who said such things, I confirmed my own "correctness" and "safety."

But the people at that BBQ—
They didn't heal me.
They didn't encourage me either.

Rather, they only said this:

"So, what are you going to do?"

At first, I felt it was cold.
But then, I realized.

The reason I hadn't changed was not because I "didn't want to change,"
but because I wasn't standing on the "premise that I could change."

People who believe, "If it's us, we can do it."

I learned that for a person to change,
they need to be convinced that "we can do it."

It wasn't that they "wouldn't listen" to my story,
but that they believed "this person is already ready to move on to the next step."

When I realized that,
I felt like I had redefined the meaning of "kindness" for the first time.

A world where people like Nigel are by your side

Every one of those people at the BBQ
was just like Nigel from "The Devil Wears Prada."

They aren't gentle. In fact, they are strict.
But they are warm.

They don't say anything,
but they are there, looking at me as if they already see "the me who has changed."

For a long time, I interpreted "not having my story listened to" as "rejection."

But perhaps that was—
proof that they trusted me, thinking "you're already okay."

Choosing kindness anew

Until now, I had been clinging to "kindness."

But now, I feel like I have become able to
re-choose "kindness." I feel like I have become able to do that.

Not the kindness that consoles, but the kindness that believes in you.

Rather than someone who does things for me, I prefer someone who doesn't doubt my potential.

When I am with people like that, I feel like I have finally become free from the "me who cannot change."
Even if I return to the "me who cannot change" due to some trigger, I can reclaim myself by saying, "Oh, we meet again, bye-bye!" Over and over again.

And so, I began to walk in a "place of constant change."

After that BBQ, my life began to move slowly.

I, who was a freelance subcontractor, launched a business and began to walk the path as a manager.

Now, I sometimes collaborate with those BBQ members on Chamber of Commerce projects and regional revitalization initiatives.

There are several encounters and events that become turning points in life, but—
meeting that man and that BBQ were one of them.

In the place where Nigel and the others are, there was a relationship of "evolving together" quietly, without laughing together or crying together.

I, too, hope to become someone who can look at others with that same gaze.

──To be continued