The Millionaire Next Door [Episode 6] "I'm taking action, but nothing is changing!" The obvious reason why

"I believe in myself!"

That was my catchphrase back then.
I repeated it over and over again every single day.

But looking back now, maybe that was just a phrase used by someone who "actually couldn't believe in themselves"
to try and psych themselves up.
People who truly believe in themselves don't go out of their way to say it out loud, right?

Just like how happy people don't go around saying "I'm happy!"
And successful people don't go around bragging, "Let me tell you how well I'm doing..."

I came to understand this well by watching that "old man."

He would go out into the fields in his work clothes and black tabi socks, living more humbly and quietly than anyone else.
Even though he was so successful, he didn't brag, and he didn't even talk much.

But in my case, it was different.

I wanted people to say, "That's nice."
I wanted my parents to feel at ease,
and I wanted to believe that quitting my job was the right decision.
I wanted my husband to think, "I'm glad I married her."
I wanted my son to say, "I'm glad you're my mom."

That's why I worked so hard.

"Arrived at the venue! People who attend high-priced seminars really have a different mindset!!" I would say,
immediately reporting it with a smug look, saying I had to output everything,

and if things went even a little bit well, I'd hold a sharing session saying,
"I'll share my success story. First, here are my takeaways..."
I called them sharing circles, study groups, or opportunities to pay it forward,
but I really had no confidence.

I wanted to show all of humanity, "I'm doing things properly!!"
By doing that, both to myself and to others,
I wanted to put on a brave face and be trusted.

And as for what reality was like—
No matter how much action I took, I didn't get results.

Even if I was moved to tears, the same old morning always came.

Even if I thanked my "soul friends" (not a typo for "best friends") with high aspirations for "meeting me," the connections would break as soon as the seminar ended, as if waking from a dream.

Every time I tried to have confidence, my heart would feel unsettled.
And it became a vicious cycle where I needed even more confidence to calm that restlessness.

The "invisible loophole" that was driving me

Even though it looked like I was doing everything right, for some reason, it didn't pay off.
The true nature of that "some reason" lay in a "misalignment of motives" that I hadn't even noticed myself.

When you feel like "I just can't get results no matter what,"
the "true feelings" behind your actions might be invisible even to you.

"I want to feel secure" rather than "I want to get results."
"I want to prove I made the right choice" rather than "I want to change my life."

It's fine to want to feel secure or not want to make mistakes,
but if that's the case, it would be better to just commit to that entirely.

Instead of hiding your secret, ulterior motives,
you run forward with superficial motives.

And that "misalignment of intent" was causing the energy of my actions to leak away.

That was the reason why I wasn't getting results.

If your intentions are aligned, you get more results with less effort.

Once I realized that, the way I put in effort changed little by little.

It is enough that I myself know that I am "doing it right." I stopped reporting and sharing.

Even on days when I couldn't do what I decided to do consistently every day, I didn't make excuses to anyone (including myself).

I stopped explaining "I'm okay" to my husband and my parents.

Then, conversely, my life began to move.

Without trying so desperately hard, my number of clients increased.
(And they were all good people, too)
When I had the courage to say no, other requests came flying in.
(If I hadn't said no, I would have been able to take on those requests)

Above all, I liked myself much more than before.

The old man's teaching was not in his "words" but in his "way of being."

The old man wasn't someone who taught me anything in particular, and he wasn't someone who talked a lot.

But even when no one was watching, he would silently pull weeds, water the plants, and be kind to everyone.
On the side of the field facing the road, he planted flowers to delight the eyes of passersby.

"Even if you don't try to show yourself doing things, it will reach the people who need it."
"Getting results means that your 'true feelings' and your 'actions' are in alignment."

I haven't stopped putting in effort either.
But I stopped "clinging" to effort.

And I started choosing to do things because "it is natural for me" rather than "because I want to tell someone about it."

Now, I am standing for myself.

In the past, I was standing "as if to prove something to someone."
Now, I am standing "to live my own life."

That was the first step toward a life where effort doesn't melt away but "piles up."

──To be continued