Where to Look Before Saying "Do Your Homework": 5 Reasons Why Children Stop and One Phrase Parents Can Change

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Evening.

In front of the child is an open notebook.

Next to it is a pencil.

But their hands are not moving.

From a little distance away, I call out,

"Did you do your homework?"

I ask.

There is a reply.

But they don't move.

After a while,

"Why don't you get started soon?"

I say once more.

Still, they don't move.

By the third time,
my voice is a little louder than it was at first.

"Hurry up and do it."

"How many times do I have to tell you?"

In truth, I didn't want to get angry from the start.

I just wanted them to take initiative on their own.

They move right away for things they like, yet

after coming home from school,

"I'm home!"

Right after saying that,

"I'm going out to play!"

They drop their school bag and head right back out.

If it's a game, they focus.

If it's a video, they don't even notice when you call them.

If a friend comes to invite them out, they move in a heartbeat.

When doing what they love,
they can start without anyone telling them to.

Well, whether they do the preparation or cleanup on their own is another story.

But when it comes to homework, they suddenly become hard of hearing.

Can you hear me?

Are you an old man?

They become so conveniently unresponsive that it makes you want to ask that.

Watching them like that,

"Maybe they have no motivation."

"Are they a child who can only do what they like?"

I end up thinking things like that.

I have seen it that way many times myself.

I didn't want to get angry; I just wanted them to take initiative.

I don't think there are many parents who
want to get angry from the start.

I don't mean to blame the children.

It's just that,

I want them to think for themselves.

I want them to act before being told.

I want them to be able to do what they need to do on their own, little by little.

That is all I am thinking.

But the house in the evening,
doesn't run on ideals alone.

Dinner.

Pick-ups and drop-offs.

Bath time.

Preparing for school tomorrow.

I have been moving all day too, and
I have almost no emotional energy left.

At times like that,
when the child leaves their notebook open and doesn't move.

Something in my mind can just snap.

And then, I regret it after I've said it.

Maybe I was a bit too harsh.

Maybe there was a different way to say it.

But if I don't say anything, they won't do it again.

It's not just the anger,
but thinking about unnecessary things afterward that tires me out.

All the parent saw was the 'figure not moving'

I used to think that

not doing homework
meant a lack of motivation.

I thought that way.

However, when a child is stuck in front of their notebook,
what the parent sees is

only the fact that they are not moving right now

only.

What is happening inside the child
is not yet visible.

They might not understand the meaning of the problem.

They might not be able to decide what to write for the first question.

They might just be overwhelmed
by the amount of kanji.

They might even be asked about something they haven't learned yet.

From a parent's perspective, it is

"not doing it"

that they see.

But for the child, it is often

"not knowing where to start"

that is the issue.

Without looking at this,

"Hurry up"

if you keep saying that,
you will just repeat the same evening.

I repeated it over and over.

When you change where you look, your first words will change.

In order to get my child moving,
I have also searched for more effective words.

But even if you only change the words,
if you are looking at the same place, you will end up back where you started.

That is because you are just rephrasing things into gentler words

while still viewing them as a 'child with no motivation'.

The first thing to look at is,

Where exactly did this child stop?

is.

Is it that they haven't memorized it yet?

Did they stop because they didn't understand the problem?

Do they not know how to get started?

Is the way I'm explaining it not working for them?

Are they already discouraged before starting due to the volume or fatigue?

Depending on where they stopped,
the next words you say will change.

Instead of 'Hurry up,'

'Where did you get stuck?'

might be better.

Instead of 'Think about it properly,'

'Maybe you just haven't memorized this part yet.'

Perhaps.

Instead of saying 'Do it all,'

try 'Shall we look at the first question together?'

It might just work.

Looking at other places where children are active

While raising my three children,
I have felt that the place where each child starts to move is different.

My eldest son is into the flute.

My eldest daughter is into dance.

My second son is into volleyball and badminton.

And, for all three, English.

They didn't move for things I thought were good,
but there were times they suddenly leaned in at places I hadn't expected.

They are stopped when it comes to homework.

But in other areas, they are trying again and again.

What parents want to find is not
whether or not there is motivation inside the child.

Under what circumstances does that child's feelings move a little?

I think that is it.

In the following sections,

I will categorize the reasons why children stop before homework
into five places I had overlooked.

And,

• When they haven't learned it yet

• When they don't understand the meaning of the problem

• When they can't see how to start

• When the form of the explanation doesn't fit

• When they can't move due to the volume or fatigue

For each of these, I will organize what parents should look at first and what words they should use.
I will organize what parents should look at first and what words they should use for each of these.

My eldest daughter's "I don't get it."

The look on my second son's face when my explanation didn't sink in.

The story of my eldest son joining the brass band club, which was unexpected.

The story of my eldest daughter, who wouldn't move with the English I prepared, but started learning English again through an app she installed herself.
The story of my eldest daughter, who wouldn't move with the English I prepared, but started learning English again through an app she installed herself.

It is not just a story of success.

Things I misjudged.

Things I said too much.

Things I realized later.

I have written about those things exactly as they are.

This is not a method to make children do exactly as you want.

It is not magic to stop you from getting angry.

I still say too much even now.

But, after clashing over the same thing again,

Next time, let's try changing one place we look.

I believe I can make this an article you can return to for that purpose.

This evening.

Even before you get angry again.

Or even after you have already gotten angry.

I would be happy if you could come back here once.

From here on is the paid section. Where to look before saying 'Do your homework' | 5 reasons why children stop, and one phrase parents can change

Evening.

In front of the child, an open notebook.

Next to it, a pencil.

But their hands are not moving.

From a little distance away, I call out,

'Did you do your homework?'

There is a reply.

But they don't move.

After a while,

'Aren't you going to do it soon?'

I say again.

Still, they don't move.

By the third time,

my voice is a little louder than it was at first.

'Hurry up and do it.'

How many times do I have to tell you?

In truth, I didn't want to get angry from the start.

I just wanted you to take initiative on your own.

You move quickly for things you like, but

When you come home from school,

You say, 'I'm home!'

And right after that,

You say, 'I'm going out to play!'

You drop your backpack and head right out.

If it's a game, you focus.

If it's a video, you don't even notice when I call you.

If a friend comes to invite you, you agree immediately and head out.

When doing things you like, you can start without anyone telling you to.

Well, whether you start the preparation or cleanup on your own is another story.

But when it comes to homework, you suddenly become hard of hearing.

Can you hear me?

Are you an old man?

I feel like asking that because you conveniently won't move.

Watching you like that,

I think, 'Maybe you just have no motivation'.

"Is my child only capable of doing what they like?"

I find myself thinking that.

I, too, have seen it that way many times.

I didn't want to get angry; I wanted them to take initiative

I don't think there are many parents who want to get angry from the start.

I don't want to blame my child, either.

I just,

want them to think for themselves.

want them to act before being told.

want them to be able to do what they need to do, little by little, on their own.

That is all I am thinking.

But in the house in the evening, things don't always go smoothly with just nice words.

Dinner.

Pick-ups and drop-offs.

Bath time.

Preparing for school tomorrow.

I have been moving all day too, and I have almost no emotional energy left.

At times like that, when my child leaves their notebook open and doesn't move,

something in my head just snaps.

And then, I regret it after I've said it.

I wonder if I was a bit too harsh.

Maybe there was a different way to say it.

But if I don't say anything, they won't do it again.

Beyond just getting angry,
I get tired from thinking about unnecessary things afterward.

All the parent sees is the "not moving" figure

I used to think that

not doing homework
= lack of motivation

was the case.

But when a child is stopped in front of their notebook,
all the parent sees is

the figure that is not moving right now

only.

What is happening inside the child
is not yet visible.

They might not understand the meaning of the problem.

They might not be able to decide what to write for the first question.

They might already be feeling overwhelmed
just by looking at the amount of kanji.

In the first place, they might be asked about something they haven't learned yet.

From the parent's perspective,

it is

"not doing it."

But inside the child,

"I don't know where to start."

It is often just that.

Without looking at this,

"Hurry up"

even if you repeat it,
you will just repeat the same evening.

I repeated it many times.

Changing where you look changes your first words

To get my child moving,
I have also looked for more effective words.

But even if you only change the words,
if you are looking at the same place, you will go back to how things were.

"A child with no motivation"

because you are just rephrasing things into gentler words while viewing them as,

What you should look at first is,

Where has this child stopped right now?

.

Do they not remember it yet?

Did they stop because of the meaning of the problem?

Do they not know how to start?

Is the way of explaining not suitable?

Are they already discouraged before starting due to the volume or fatigue?

Depending on where they stopped,
the next words you say will change.

Instead of saying 'Hurry up,'

maybe try, 'Where did you get stuck?'

It might just work.

Instead of saying 'Think properly,'

maybe try, 'Perhaps you just haven't memorized this part yet.'

It might just work.

Instead of saying 'Do it all,'

maybe try, 'Shall we look at the first question together?'

It might just work.

Look at other places where your child is active

While raising my three children,
I have felt that the place where each child starts to move is different.

My eldest son, the flute.

My eldest daughter, dance.

My second son, volleyball and badminton.

And, for all three, English.

They didn't move for things I thought were good,
but there were times they suddenly leaned in at places I hadn't expected.

They are stuck on their homework.

But, in other areas, they are trying again and again.

What parents want to find is not
whether or not there is motivation inside the child.

It is when, and under what circumstances, that child's feelings move even just a little.

I believe that is the point.

From here on,

I will categorize the reasons children stop before doing their homework into 5 areas I have overlooked.

And,

• When they haven't learned it yet

• When they don't understand the meaning of the problem

• When they don't see how to start

• When the form of the explanation doesn't fit

• When they can't move due to the volume or fatigue

For each one,
I will organize what parents should look at first and what words they should say.

My eldest daughter's "I don't understand."

The look on my second son's face when my explanation didn't get through.

The story of my eldest son joining the brass band club unexpectedly.

The story of my eldest daughter, who wouldn't move with the English I prepared, but started learning English again through an app she chose herself.

It is not just a story of things going well.

Misjudgments.

Things I said too much.

Things I realized later.

I have written those down exactly as they were.

This is not a method to make children do what you want.

This is not a magic spell to stop you from getting angry.

I, too, still say too much even now.

But, after clashing over the same thing again,

next time, let's try changing one place we look.

I believe I can make this an article you can come back to for that.

This evening.

Even before you get angry again.

Even after you have already gotten angry.

I would be happy if you could come back here once.

I am writing this with the hope that you will be able to come back again and again, even just for the free part.

Also, for those who really need it right now,
I will release it for 100 yen for only 3 people.

At first, I will raise the price little by little.
Once I think those who are in a bit of a hurry have settled down,
I would like to set it to the price I want to offer.

From here on is the paid section.

1. Stopping at a point they haven't learned yet

The child looks at the homework,

'I don't get it'

they say.

From a parent's perspective,
this phrase can be a little irritating.

No, you haven't even thought about it yet.

You just looked at the problem.

Try reading a little more.

I feel like saying that.

My eldest daughter also,
after looking at the problem for just a moment,

'I don't get it anymore'

is what she sometimes says.

So,

'Why don't you get it?'

When I say that, the atmosphere usually turns sour.

To the parent, it looks like they are running away before even thinking.

To the child, they are saying they truly don't understand.

While looking at the same 'I don't understand,'
the parent and child are seeing different things.

'I don't understand' is not all the same

There are various types of
'I don't understand' from children.

I don't know how to think about it.

I don't understand the meaning of the problem statement.

I don't know where to start.

And,

I haven't memorized it yet.

This also exists.

Kanji.

English vocabulary words.

Historical terms.

If they aren't in your head yet,
you won't be able to come up with them even if you think about it.

It's the same as looking for a pudding in the fridge that you don't remember buying;
no matter how much you search, it won't be there.

There is no pudding there.

The analogy may have suddenly become lighthearted,
but I am quite serious about that.

That is why, when my eldest daughter says, "I don't get it,"

before deciding that she "can't do it,"

I try to see it as

perhaps she just hasn't memorized it yet

instead.

Not "can't do it," but "in the process of memorizing"

Recently, I asked my eldest daughter,

"Is there anything you don't understand in your homework?"

My eldest daughter replied,

She said,

"No, not really right now."

She answered.

However, she said that for social studies history,
she still has to memorize it from here on out.

Upon hearing those words, I

I thought, 'They are in the middle of memorizing history right now.'

That is what I thought.

I can't do it.

It's impossible.

I don't understand.

When they say that,
it feels like the conversation ends right there.

However,

'I'm in the middle of memorizing'

implies that they are still in the process.

Even if it doesn't all sink in today,
you can just look at it again tomorrow.

If you memorized one thing today,
it doesn't mean you haven't made any progress.

That kind of space remains.

At this time, the first words you say

If they are stuck where they haven't memorized it yet,

'Why don't you understand?'

instead of that,

'Maybe this is just something you haven't memorized yet.'

'Shall we try to memorize just one thing today?'

'After looking at the answer, shall we try hiding it and saying it again?'

I think that is enough.

If you try to make them remember everything all at once,
they will be overwhelmed by the volume again.

Look at just one thing.

Try saying just one thing.

If it doesn't sink in today, look at it again tomorrow.

It is easier for both the child and
the parent to keep going if they think about it that way.

2. They are stuck because they don't understand the meaning of the problem

They are reading the text.

They are looking at the numbers, too.

But they don't know what is being asked.

This happens, too.

Since parents know the answer to the problem,

"It's written right here."

is what they think.

But for the child,
they don't know which words are important.

They also don't know what to use to get the answer.

Even if they can read the text,
the meaning of the problem might not be connecting in their head.

At times like this,

"Read it properly"

alone won't change much.

That is because they are reading it in their own way.

Before teaching the answer, look at the words that stopped them

In times like this,

"From which word did you stop understanding?"

"What do you think it's asking?"

Try asking these questions.

Before checking if the answer is correct, look at how they are interpreting the problem.

For example,

"How many are there in total?"

Is that what is being asked?

"How many are left?"

Is that what is being asked?

If they don't understand this, they won't be able to decide whether it's addition or subtraction.

Even if it seems simple to a parent, the child is stuck right before that point.

At this time, the first thing to say is

"Read it properly one more time"

instead of that,

"Let's look together at what it's asking"

"Which words seem important?"

"Try saying it up to the part you understand"

ask them this.

You don't need to teach them the entire answer.

How much do they understand so far?

At which word did they lose the thread?

Once you know that, you can minimize the amount of help you need to provide as a parent.

3. They are stuck because they don't know how to start

The notebook is open.

The homework is out.

But the pencil isn't moving.

When you see this,

"Stop daydreaming and get started already"

is what you want to say.

But the child,

might just be unable to decide what to start with.

Kanji.

Calculations.

Reading aloud.

Preparing for tomorrow.

When there are many things lined up to do, just deciding on the first one can be overwhelming.

It's the same for adults.

When there is too much to do, for some reason, you suddenly feel like cleaning your desk.

You cannot blame only the child.

Decide on the first one, not all of them

If they are stuck on how to start,

Instead of saying,

"Finish everything,"

ask,

"Which one do you think you can start with?"

If they still cannot decide,

"Shall we look at the first question together?"

"Shall we write your name first?"

"Shall we try writing just one kanji character?"

Make it as small as that.

What is important is not making them do everything from the start.
It is creating one entrance to get them moving.

Once the first question is finished,

there are days when they will continue to the second question.
There are also days when they finish after the first question.

Even so, rather than arguing from the start,

it leaves room to look at what comes next.

At this time, the first words you say

should not be,

"Start quickly."

"Which one do you think you can start with?"

"Shall we look at the first question together?"

"Shall we start by just writing your name?"

These are examples.

Instead of the parent providing all the answers,
make the first step smaller.

4. They are stuck because the explanation style doesn't match

I am explaining things in order.

The child is also looking at me.

But their face starts to glaze over.

This happens with my second son,
sometimes.

His eyes are looking at me.

But he has that look on his face like his mind is somewhere else.

The moment I see that face,

I realize,

ah, this explanation isn't getting through.

At first, I used to just repeat the same thing.

I would change the wording slightly and explain it again.

Even then, his expression wouldn't change.

I think I am explaining it well.

The child thinks they are listening.

However, it is not getting through.

If words don't work, switch to pictures or movement

For my second son,
rather than explaining the order just with words,

it sometimes sinks in better if I talk in a way that helps him visualize it.

If it's hard to understand with just text, turn it into a diagram.

If it's about how things move, try moving them yourself.

If it's about how to use your body, try doing it yourself.

When you do that,

'Oh!'

his eyes might suddenly light up.

What's important here is,

not to decide that 'this child is the type who understands through pictures.'

Even for the same child, it varies depending on the day or the content.

If they are tired, there are days when nothing will get through no matter what you do.
Even for the same child, it varies depending on the day or the content.

If they are tired, there are days when nothing will get through no matter what you do.

What you should look at is not their type, but their reaction right in front of you.

After you explain, does their face look blank?

Are they trying to rephrase it in their own words?

Have they leaned in a little?

That is what you look for.

At this time, the first words you should say

'I already explained this to you, didn't I?'

instead of,

'Was this explanation hard to understand?'

'Shall we try drawing it?'

'Shall we try acting it out?'

are these.

Not understanding does not necessarily mean
that the child lacks ability.

It may just be that the current explanation
is not in a form that the child can grasp.

5. Feeling overwhelmed by the volume or fatigue before even starting

A page of kanji.

Dozens of calculation problems.

Reading aloud.

Preparing for tomorrow.

The moment a child looks at the entire homework assignment,

'I can't do it'

is what they might think.

They can do it one problem at a time.

But they feel defeated the moment they see the volume.

There are also days when they are tired from school.

There are days when their feelings are unsettled because of something with a friend.

There are days when they are sleepy.

There are days when they just want to play.

If you dismiss everything as

'lack of motivation',

you will overlook the child's state on that day.

Break it down into small enough amounts to be manageable.

If they are stuck because of the volume,

instead of saying,

'Do it until it's all finished',

break it up by saying,

'Let's take a break once you finish this part first'.

Five math problems.

One line of kanji.

One reading aloud session.

After that, check again.

Of course, there are times when they take a break and don't come back.

It happens.

It happens quite often.

But, I will call out to them again that day.

Rather than showing them everything from the start and causing them to freeze up,
it is sometimes easier for them to get started if you show them only the amount they can handle right now.

At this time, the first words you say

should not be,

"Finish everything quickly."

Instead, try:

"How about we just do this much for today?"

"Let's take a break once you finish these five questions."

"Are you tired? Do you want to take a 10-minute break first?"

It doesn't mean they will definitely start if you let them rest.

It doesn't mean they will definitely finish if you make them start first.

Observe your child that day,
and choose a different way to approach them.

Even if they are stuck on homework, they are moving in other areas.

When a child doesn't move on their homework,
you only notice the parts where they aren't moving.

But in other situations,
they might be taking initiative on their own.

When my eldest son joined the brass band,
I was quite surprised.

My husband and I are, if anything, the athletic type.

I had assumed that if he joined a club,
he would choose a sport.

At first, my eldest son himself

said,

"I'm not joining any clubs."

However, when he went to a brass band club trial with his friends and
came back,

"I'm going again tomorrow"

he said.

After the second trial,
he had decided to join the brass band club.

Moreover, the instrument he chose was the flute.

He went somewhere
quite far from what we as parents had expected.

There were three children who wanted to play the flute,
and only two would be chosen.

My eldest son was worried about that.

At home,
he even went as far as practicing by blowing into the mouth of a plastic bottle.

It wasn't that I

"Go practice"

told him to.

I think he did it on his own because there was something inside him that was hooked.

A child's feelings appear in small movements

Children sometimes don't say

"I want to do this seriously"

from the very beginning.

They say,

"I'm going again tomorrow."

After they come home, they talk a little more.

Focus on what they couldn't do.

Try it with things you have at home.

Sometimes, their feelings are expressed through such small movements.

My eldest daughter's dance was the same.

My second son's volleyball was also like that; after he started because a friend invited him, he began to speak up on his own as he became able to do more.

The initial entry point is not a grand goal.

A friend was there.

It was a little fun.

I can do it better than before.

I wanted to try it one more time.

It starts from places like that.

The entry point prepared by parents is not necessarily right for the child

I like English.

Being able to watch foreign films without subtitles is still my dream even now.

Because of that, I also had my children learn English.

As a parent, I thought:

English will be useful in the future.

It's better to be exposed to it early.

That is what I thought.

But, the children gradually stopped moving.

Turning off the online English lesson screen.

Doing something else until the time is up.

Hardly even reading the flashcards.

Keeping it up in form only.

But it didn't feel like it was really sinking in for my child.

I think she couldn't enter through the doorway that I had prepared for her.

Sometimes they re-enter through a doorway they opened themselves

Recently, my eldest daughter installed an English learning app on her own.

It wasn't something I made her install.

She found it herself, and she talked to me as if she wanted me to do it with her.

How do you say birthday in English?

How do you say today's date?

Don't tell me the right answer right away, just tell me what's wrong.

After we had that kind of exchange, my eldest daughter said:

"I'm starting to like English a little bit."

That's when I thought:

Maybe she didn't hate English, it was just that the way she was entering it didn't suit her.

Even with the same English, she won't enter through the form that the parent prepared.

She can enter through an app she found herself or through short, daily exchanges.

It's the same with homework.

The order that parents think is correct
is not necessarily the starting point for that child.

Therefore,

Whether they did it or didn't do it.

It's not just about that,

but where they showed a little bit of interest.

What kind of explanation made their expression change.

What they wanted to try doing one more time.

Look at those things, too.

If the reason they stopped is different, the words you say should also change.

When a child isn't moving,
these are the 5 things parents should look at first.

1. They haven't memorized it yet

The first words should be,

2. They don't understand the meaning of the problem

The first words should be,

3. They don't know how to start

The first words should be,

4. The form of the explanation doesn't fit

The first words are,

5. Unable to move due to volume or fatigue

The first words are,

You don't need to use all of them.

You don't need to find the perfect words, either.

Try saying one,
and watch your child's reaction.

If it doesn't feel right, try the next one.

Parents are also in the middle of learning which words suit their child.

Returning here on days when you get angry again

Even after reading this far,
I think there will be days when you get angry again.

I have those days.

"Let's see where they stopped"

is what I intended to think, but

"Hurry up"

comes out of my mouth first.

I intended to listen calmly, but
the way they answered made me angry.

Later on,

I realize I used the same way of speaking again.

I think.

I am not saying that is okay.

But failing once does not mean everything is over.

On days like that, I
only remember these five things.

• Do they not remember it yet?

• Do they not understand the meaning of the problem?

• Can they not see how to start?

• Is the explanation style not a good fit?

• Are they unable to move due to the volume or fatigue?

It is okay not to think about all of them.

Look at just one thing
that seems closest to what the child is experiencing right now.

And change just one thing about the next words you say.

It is okay for parents to still be learning, too

There is no parent who
knows all the right words for their child from the very beginning.

It is different even between siblings.

Words that worked yesterday
might not be effective today.

Days when they are tired.

Days when they are in a bad mood.

Days when they just want to play.

Children have all sorts of days, too.

Parents have them too.

That is why I believe it is okay not to be perfect every time.

It is not just the children who are in the process of learning.

Parents are, too.

Where does this child stop?

What kind of words will get through to them?

How long should I wait?

We are in the middle of learning.

I still say too much even now.

Later, I think,

That way of saying it was too harsh.

I think that.

Observe the child's reaction, and change how you say things.

Fail again.

Review again.

This is not a polished theory of parenting.

If anything, I am a hands-on, devoted parent craftsman.

Instead of changing the child, change where you look first.

You cannot change people to be exactly as you want them to be.

Just because you are a parent does not mean you can freely control your child's feelings.

I, too, do not change easily just because someone tells me to.

And yet,

we expect children to change when parents tell them to.

It is unreasonable to think that way.

The busyness of the evening,
cannot be changed immediately.

Dinner is necessary.

There are drop-offs and pick-ups to do.

There is preparation for tomorrow to be done.

Parents get tired, too.

You cannot change everything in an instant.

However,

you can change where you look first.

You can also change the first word you say,
just a little bit.

Instead of trying to change your child suddenly,

look at where they are stuck right now.

Just by doing that,
you might be able to take a breath before blaming them.

Before saying "Hurry up,"

there are days when you can ask,

"Where did you get stuck?"

Before saying "Why don't you understand?"

"Maybe they just haven't memorized it yet."

There are days when you can say that.

That alone won't,
[[phN_open]]suddenly make your child love studying.[[phN_close]]

It won't make them start doing everything on their own without being told, either.

But,

the time spent deciding they can't do it changes into time spent looking at where they are struggling.

The time spent blaming them,
changes into a little bit of time spent looking at it together.

Even if it doesn't go well today,
you can try again the next evening.

The child is still in the middle of the process.

The parent is also in the middle of the process.

When you clash over the same thing again,
please come back to these five places to look.

You don't have to change everything.

I think it's fine to start by changing just one thing,
the next phrase you say to them.

This is a note from someone I really admire.